I've never really understood the concept of a "birth plan". I knew with Mazzy that I was going to have an epidural and that was pretty much the extent of "the plan". This time is no different. But, I was talking to a friend of mine (who happens to be an avid Mommy Shorts reader— Hi, Debbie!) and she asked what my plan was for Mazzy when I go into labor.

"Well," I said confidently, having actually thought this out, "My mother is going to come into the city to take care of her while we are at the hospital."

"Where does your mother live?"

"On Long Island."

"But what if the whole thing goes down really quickly??"

"It's cool. She lives in Nassau. She's only about 35 minutes away."

"But she's got to get dressed, get in the car, drive to the city and find parking once she gets here!"

"Yes, I suppose she does…"

"You realize how fast the second kid comes, right???"

Then Debbie told me that while her first child took about 24 hours, her sceond came in under an hour. She also told me that a friend (not a friend of a friend, an ACTUAL FRIEND) gave birth in a cab on the way to the hospital.

That's when I started having visions of myself giving birth on the counter of my local bodega right between the register and the impulse purchase display of Ferrero Rocher. Or maybe the baby would decide to enter the world during rush hour on the 6 train. Or I would suddenly realize I was ten centimeters dilated right in the middle of a meeting at my new freelance job— "Can I get a conference room, please???"

With Mazzy, I started feeling something similar to contractions first thing in the morning. It was two weeks before my due date and it didn't occur to me that I was in labor until around 4pm. Then I suffered silently while Mike napped until I finally decided it was time to go to the hospital at 2am. Once there, I got the epidural and had an oddly relaxing 12 hours in my room— fielding phone calls, watching re-runs of Law & Order and entertaining guests until I gave birth at 6pm the next day.

I've heard the second birth happens faster but I was imagining "faster" meaning half the time, not 1/24 of it. 

Also, the first time around, we took a birthing class along with a child prep class. I had a doula/lactation specialist lined up to help me afterwards, a hospital bag packed from the day I hit my third trimester and a baby registry that I bet was researched more thoroughly than my sister's doctoral dissertation.

So much forethought!

This time, I've got nothing. My rationale for no birthing class was "been there, done that" but yesterday, I asked Mike if he remembered anything about the correct way to breathe and he gave a giant shrug. Thanks, coach!

As far as a registry, don't we have everything we need already? Well, besides a stroller for two and a pack of newborn onesies that don't look like they've been used to clean the monkey cage at the zoo. Did you know that barely visiable spit-up stains turn a ghastly yellow after two years stuck in a sealed plastic container? It's true!

So, while I have spent this whole pregnancy feeling like the birth was just going to be one big repeat, suddenly, I feel woefully unprepared.

I suppose my city-dwelling sister can be our new middle-of-the-night Mazzy emergency plan and my mom can come as soon as possible to take over. I can probably find a lamaze video online that can give me a refresher course on breathing. And… if our friends and family feel the need to shower our newborn with gifts, they are all free to pool resources and buy us the most useful baby present ever— A BRAND NEW THREE BEDROOM APARTMENT IN NYC!!!!

See? Everything has a way of working itself out.

How did your second birth go down compared to your first? Was it really that much faster??


Graphic above created by NickMom. Here are 3 more funny posts I found on NickMom this week:

Top Nine Ways to Guarantee You'll Never Have to Help with the Bake Sale Again

Young Adult Books in 19 Words or Less

Before & After Kids: Having a Dog Edition