I've never really understood the concept of a "birth plan". I knew with Mazzy that I was going to have an epidural and that was pretty much the extent of "the plan". This time is no different. But, I was talking to a friend of mine (who happens to be an avid Mommy Shorts reader— Hi, Debbie!) and she asked what my plan was for Mazzy when I go into labor.
"Well," I said confidently, having actually thought this out, "My mother is going to come into the city to take care of her while we are at the hospital."
"Where does your mother live?"
"On Long Island."
"But what if the whole thing goes down really quickly??"
"It's cool. She lives in Nassau. She's only about 35 minutes away."
"But she's got to get dressed, get in the car, drive to the city and find parking once she gets here!"
"Yes, I suppose she does…"
"You realize how fast the second kid comes, right???"
Then Debbie told me that while her first child took about 24 hours, her sceond came in under an hour. She also told me that a friend (not a friend of a friend, an ACTUAL FRIEND) gave birth in a cab on the way to the hospital.
That's when I started having visions of myself giving birth on the counter of my local bodega right between the register and the impulse purchase display of Ferrero Rocher. Or maybe the baby would decide to enter the world during rush hour on the 6 train. Or I would suddenly realize I was ten centimeters dilated right in the middle of a meeting at my new freelance job— "Can I get a conference room, please???"
With Mazzy, I started feeling something similar to contractions first thing in the morning. It was two weeks before my due date and it didn't occur to me that I was in labor until around 4pm. Then I suffered silently while Mike napped until I finally decided it was time to go to the hospital at 2am. Once there, I got the epidural and had an oddly relaxing 12 hours in my room— fielding phone calls, watching re-runs of Law & Order and entertaining guests until I gave birth at 6pm the next day.
I've heard the second birth happens faster but I was imagining "faster" meaning half the time, not 1/24 of it.
Also, the first time around, we took a birthing class along with a child prep class. I had a doula/lactation specialist lined up to help me afterwards, a hospital bag packed from the day I hit my third trimester and a baby registry that I bet was researched more thoroughly than my sister's doctoral dissertation.
So much forethought!
This time, I've got nothing. My rationale for no birthing class was "been there, done that" but yesterday, I asked Mike if he remembered anything about the correct way to breathe and he gave a giant shrug. Thanks, coach!
As far as a registry, don't we have everything we need already? Well, besides a stroller for two and a pack of newborn onesies that don't look like they've been used to clean the monkey cage at the zoo. Did you know that barely visiable spit-up stains turn a ghastly yellow after two years stuck in a sealed plastic container? It's true!
So, while I have spent this whole pregnancy feeling like the birth was just going to be one big repeat, suddenly, I feel woefully unprepared.
I suppose my city-dwelling sister can be our new middle-of-the-night Mazzy emergency plan and my mom can come as soon as possible to take over. I can probably find a lamaze video online that can give me a refresher course on breathing. And… if our friends and family feel the need to shower our newborn with gifts, they are all free to pool resources and buy us the most useful baby present ever— A BRAND NEW THREE BEDROOM APARTMENT IN NYC!!!!
See? Everything has a way of working itself out.
How did your second birth go down compared to your first? Was it really that much faster??
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Graphic above created by NickMom. Here are 3 more funny posts I found on NickMom this week:
Top Nine Ways to Guarantee You'll Never Have to Help with the Bake Sale Again
Young Adult Books in 19 Words or Less
Before & After Kids: Having a Dog Edition
Well, the saying “the second one comes faster” sort of scares me now!! My entire labor for my daughter was 3 1/2 hours…so I am pretty sure I wouldn’t make it to the hospital for my second if that is the case!! I made it there last time with 30 minutes to spare! We also made NO birth plan and I didn’t even have the chance for an epidural. Sometimes I think a birth plan in unnecessary, but that all depends on how big of a “planner” you are…but to be honest I plan for EVERYTHING and I totally didn’t make a “birth plan”. Good luck to you on your second baby and I am sure it will go faster…but not 24 hours faster, ha.
My first one was very slow and calm – just like her personality. Laboured at home over night, finally went in – was told I was 2cm, then rechecked and told ” um no, you are 8cm and that is your water bulging”. By 2pm had her … drug free. My second one was faster and furiouser – just like her personality! Started having labour at 3am, by 5:30am was calling .. and calling … and calling/laughing/swearing/giving up the friends who were to watch my eldest – turns out they had left their phone downstairs and did not hear it ring, then the next morning got up, meandered downstairs, saw a bajillion missed calls and may have panicked a wee bit … ( no family around and I am a planner so had my watching child one plan laid out to the extent people realized I am a type A weirdo, yet it still fell to pieces). But plans can change, luck can enter – we are also good friends with our neighbours so ended up waking them to take my eldest. The day I went into labour was literally the one day my neighbours were available as otherwise would have been on vacation! Good thing, as my second quickly escalated to a 180 degree different labour than easy-peasy first, ending in me in horrific pain and an emergency c-section! But – I survived, my husband survived, my kids survived, our changed plans turned out fine, and once I heard that first baby cry nothing else mattered …. 🙂
Have a plan – know plans change – realize things can’t always be perfectly planned – but it will work out exactly as it should. And really – an easy birth plan and labour and birth is not as interesting for blog fodder, right? 🙂
same thing here with me. i got to the hospital 20 minutes before i gave birth, with my first! part of the reason i don’t want a second!
if you plan for a short labor you will have a long one, if you plan for long, it will be short. you are screwed either way. good luck!
With #3 on the way, I’m feeling very unprepared and poor all of a sudden. We sold a lot of clothes, toys, and other gear last Summer, not planning on having a #3. With no shower or registry to actually look forward to, I’ve been pricing things out and wondering just how little we can actually purchase and get by on. I wonder if #3’s entire life will be like this?
“No son, sorry. You’re older two brothers both played baseball and we decided that you can just live the memories, but you don’t actually need to play.” 😉
#1 took 12 hours, and had to be pulled out because he had turned and we were both in distress.
#2 was born just 3 hours after contractions started at 3.00am. I counted contractions for half an hour, got up to take a shower, packed the rest of my bag, and at 4.00am, informed my husband that we should take the toddler to his parents (5 minutes walk away) at maybe 6.00, just to give him a couple more hours sleep. I then had breakfast, made a cup of tea and got on Twitter to tell people my contractions were 5 minutes apart (I know, right??). At 5.00am, I told the husband that he should actually take #1 to his parents. We were still rather casual and moved fairly slowly. While he was gone, I was hit with sudden strong contractions, and on the floor in pain. I could barely walk because I could feel the baby’s head.
Eep. The 20 minute drive was the longest in my life. Good thing I was sitting down or I’m certain I would have given birth in the car. Less than half an hour after I got to the hospital, the baby was born. In two pushes.
Yup, the second one is FASTER!
Mine came faster, but I had a c-section so… ;-P
Good luck! lol.
And that 3 bedroom apt is so that I can come visit, right?
My second was 5 years after my first and took just as long – huge PITA really – if you know Demon you can imagine she wasn’t coming out till she was ready. My 3rd though, a short 18 mos after Demon – well… she was almost born in the truck on the way to the hospital. In fact, if the L&D area had been on the 4th floor instead of the 3rd, she’d have been born in the elevator! It’s best to be prepared. Could your mom come stay near your delivery date?
My first was 7 or 8 hours and my second about 2 and a half. I’ve read that typically the second is about half the time of the first but doesn’t take into account other variables affecting labor – I know people who had problems with the first labor that made it speedier than the second because the second time, you never know. Your “plan” (which is about as detailed as mine was) is probably fine but it doesn’t hurt to have a back-up person to call in the event you need someone to come watch Mazzy until your mom gets there (if she is delayed or baby #2 is super speedy). You’ll be fine, you don’t have an option 😉
I should probably keep my mouth shut, so you can sleep at night, but…what are friends for, if not to scare the shit out of each other?
My OB was at Columbia Prez, and I lived just outside the Lincoln Tunnel. My 1st kid came so fast (1st contraction to delivery = 2hrs 30mins, no time for an epi), my OB was worried I’d pop my second kid out in the tunnel.
Ew.
We had plans for my MIL to fly in & stay with us from a week before my due date. Until then, we had neighbors, friends & doormen on call 24×7 Just In Case.
Luckily, I went into labor the day before my due date while I was sleeping & I had both my husband & MIL in the apartment with me.
I made it to the hospital & got my epi JUST in time, which slowed labor down for me. This time, it was almost 5 hours total. I even got to nap! Hooray!
Good luck. And make friends with the doormen.
I had 2 emergency c-sections and 1 planned c-section, so I cannot answer most of your question…but we did end up taking our 2 year old to the hospital with us for the birth..which seriously I think happens a lot as a very nice nurse entertained her until family could arrive to rescue her.
An epidural will likely slow your labour down. I had one with my first, and active labour was a slow 8 hour process. With my second I skipped the epidural, had lots of support from my midwives, and was in active labour just under two hours. With my second I didn’t even have to push, the contractions pushed the baby out on their own.
First child was about 12 hours from the entertainment phase to birth. The second? Let me put it this way. The cabdriver nearly killed someone as we were speeding down Second Avenue. The whole thing was very, very quick. My mother-in-law lived a block away. You might want to find someone in your building who could watch Mazzy. The good news is that the second was hardly any pain at all.
Now that he’s 25, it’s a different story.
My first birth was fast from start to finish 4 hours, but my second was closer to 14 hours… I was expecting a super fast second labor and was MISERABLE that it took almost the “normal” amount of time for baby #2. Baby comes when they want- not when you think, so just be ready for anything!!!
I just recently had my second child (almost 3 months ago) and so much of what you have written about your second pregnancy has been spot on with all I went through! My son is around the same age as Mazzy with the same, lets say, adventurous spirit. I went through the same “holy shit” stage just a few weeks befor our due date. Some of which may have had to do with the fact that my OB office completely disbanded and left me with no one to birth my baby with 2 weeks to go, WTF. We moved to a highly recommended midwifery in town and one of the first things they discussed with me was how much quicker the second child can come. Their basic rule of thumb was that hard labor takes about half the time of the first, unless the baby is significantly bigger. And seeing that we live way the heck out in the boonies of the North Carolina mountains, this news did not set me at ease. I was induced with both, 2 weeks overdue, and had an epidural with my first but no pain meds with my second. Even with the induction and different birthing methods, the “real” labor was definitely about half the time, and pushing out was even faster! Hells to the yeah. If I had gone into labor on my own, the midwife said instead if the 411 rule, do a 5 or 611 rule and start moving towards the hospital sooner.
Hi Ilana! Glad you actually made this into a post! Sorry to scare you.
My aunt gave birth in the hospital lobby. I’m glad I was induced so I was all set up in the room.
ok so also having second baby and the majority of people polled and seen on tv it was half time a couple scary ones were longer! GAH! but most were about half. also my birthing plan with #1 try not to have c-section. mine are seven years apart and i am not taking another labor and breathing class (they made us put clothes pins on our ears to symbolize contractions! it hurt but sooooo not the same). i just entered my third trimester and have no plans for anything…i figure baby will come out and having a birth plan is just like holding a giant sign that says this is how it has to be then someone running you over with their bike cause it wont actually be like that at all! i dont even have a plan for who watches my kiddo yet…aw well im sure it will all work out.
I have a friend in NYC who might be helpful… http://www.empoweryourbirth.com Good luck!
A Birth Plan is a list that tells everyone what you hope to happen during labor so they don’t have to bother you & ask. Like, do you really want 3 nurses asking “would you like an epidural?” I wouldn’t think so. So you can put in your birth plan (as an example) “I would like an epidural during labor, hopefully at 8cm but possibly sooner, I’ll let you know.” Now, if you decide to make a birth plan, please remember that absolutely nothing could go “according to plan.” 🙂 It’s just a “if everything went exactly how I want…”
I’ve had 4 – #1 was 9.5 hours with pitocin & epidural, #2 was 5 hours with epidural, #3 was 2 hours without meds, #4 was 8 hours with pitocin & epidural. Everyone & every pregnancy is different.
I’m sorry, I feel I have to weigh in. My first was a failed induction which resulted in a cesarean. I was horribly disappointed with this for about a year. I got pregnant with number 2, and then thought, what the heck, I have urinary continence, and my hoo ha is intact. I know what the recovery is like for a cesarean but not the vaginal, so I scheduled a follow up c-section. The second pregnancy was completely different than the first. He sat lower, I wasn’t as big, etc….We had everything planned, including the pedicure my mom and I would get the day before my scheduled birth. Well, my water broke 3 days before, so off we went. Only to get there and have no fricking contractions for 12 hrs. My options that next morning were to bump another scheduled c-section, wait till 4 or so to get my own, or start pitocin and see how things went. I’m an idiot, and didn’t want to bump some poor other mom, and thought, whats the harm? I didn’t progress the first time, so why should this one be any different. Holy balls. Long labor, fetal distress, epidural covered contractions by not my nether regions so after 2.5 hrs of pushing and being exhausted, we discussed our options. Suddenly there were 40 people in the room, the OR was being prepped, I announced I didn’t want a CP baby (his heart rate dropped every time I contracted/pushed, and he was stuck) and she suggested forceps, then OR if that didn’t work. We went with forceps, which I felt, and my visual image was of my tiny OB, with a foot up on a stool, pulling with those giant fucking salad servers on my baby, and screaming at her like a rabid raccoon. It worked, he’s healthy, but I am still to this date her only patient that regrets the decision to try a vbac. I know that isn’t your situation, I guess the reason for the story was, nothing goes as planned. It works itself out, and you’ll be fine. Oh, the only thing we did plan for was my mom to be here with Mr W while this all went down. Luckily, it worked out. Have a back up plan though. Our neighbor was on tap if she was unavailable.
I had a very similar situation. My parents live about 50 minutes away, and my mom was our designated babysitter. My water broke (which didn’t even happen the first time) around 1 am. Stupid Luke told me to call the doctor before I called my parents, “in case she says you don’t need to rush in”. The doctor said that while my contractions were minor now, they would probably ramp up within about 20 minutes. I called my mom; she said she’d hurry over. 20 minutes later, I’m doubled over in pain and beating Luke. Around 2:05 am, my mom arrives, and Luke has to switch Mango’s car seat from our car to hers before we can go to the hospital. This takes what seems like an hour, while I feel like the baby’s head is busting out of my vagina. We arrive at the hospital around 2:30; GQ was born at 3 am. I just barely had time for an epidural, but I got one, which is why Luke is still alive today.
The second doesn’t always come faster. My daughter came at 38weeks, she was positioned perfectly for birth. Pre labor lasted 18 hours, real labor lasted 4 hours. She’s almost 3 now.
My son is 6 weeks old as I wrote this. He came out at 41 weeks. Pre labor lasted 3 days (with contractions 5 minutes apart almost the whole time)! Real labor lasted 7 hours. The difference was in the positioning. He was “sunny-side-up” therefor he dropped slower into position.
Your body is more ready for labor the second time around, but you can still have many different experiences. The second child isn’t always easier, just go with the flow and don’t be dissapointed or upset if your labor is not the way you expect it to be.
I honestly couldn’t say how long my labours were. Both times, I was having painful contractions on and off for a good 36 hours before the midwives deemed me dilated enough for admission to the birth centre. So, already too damned long.
With my first, from admission to birth, it took about ten hours (2.5 hours pushing).
With my second, from admission to birth, about 7 hours (just under 2 hours pushing).
Both times = at least 48 hours without sleep.
A *much* quicker second labour? Yeah, right…. BUT mentally, it was definitely easier because I knew I’d done it once already so I could do it again. Just as well, because she was 9lb 13. The horror.
Best of luck! x
My second time did go much faster than my first. It was about 5 hrs from the first painful contraction to delivery compared to about 15 hrs with the first one. With our first child the plan was to get an epidural. However, with our second one, I strongly considered having a birth plan. I was worried that if I didn’t write it down, I wouldn’t have control. After giving it some more thought, I decided that there was no need for it. I trusted my doctor and the second time around I was more confident. Even though our kids are six years apart, we didn’t take a birthing class. I knew I was going to get an epidural and that my parents were going to take care of our older child while we were at the hospital. As soon as I felt some contractions, I called to tell them we would be over soon. I think your rational about “been there, done that” is great! I hope you have a smooth delivery.
You’re nesting and preparing for childbirth. Don’t worry, all normal. just buy a few newborn/0-3 pjs, that’s all you need for now, in case Mazzy’s are too stained. you’ll manage with that. as for the labor, hopefully my story will ease you a bit. my first took a whopping 5 1/2 hours from zero contractions/water-breaking to her popping out. with all the 2nd comes faster talk, i was convinced boy bug would pop out in a couple of hours. well, honey, that only happens let’s say 90% of the time and i was in the 10%. Yep, sometimes the 2nd DOES NOT come fast. Water broke on 4th of July 2010 at 7am (no bbq & fireworks for us), headed over to the hospital within the hour because i was convinced contractions would start any minute (hospital takes you if water broke, even if no contractions). guess what? they never came. had mild, irregular ones throughout the day, but nothing real. finally induced at 9pm and he was ready to come out by 11pm. when i mentioned that i really didn’t want him to have a 7/4 bday, midwife said, fine, we can wait, he’s fine in there. they came back few minutes before midnight and he came just a few minutes into 7/5, i swear i think i only pushed twice. that part was super fast and easy, nothing like the first. in summary, i’m now of the “all pregnancies/labors are different” camp, they’re gonna do whatever the heck they feel like and you can’t predict or prepare. chances are you will have an easier time pushing her out, but that’s about the only almost guarantee.
ALSO, if you want a refresher lamaze dvd, email me and I’ll send you mine. I bought one off amazon also as a refresher and it was helpful.
Good luck!
Yeah, sorry. First child took over 24 hours start to finish. Her little brother took 6. I do have a nephew (second child) who was born in the car almost to the hospital.
This other mommy blogger made a whole post about the whole “birthing plan” idea.
http://mylifeandkids.com/2011/09/wear-your-socks-my-advice-on-labor-and/
With my first I was in about 24 hours of hellish back labor followed by a c-section when she just would. not. come. out.
With the second I scheduled my c-section and felt all happy and relaxed about it. Then my water broke at 35 weeks and by the time we got to the hospital I was at 4 cm. They were all “would you like to just labor naturally? It’s happening so fast and painlessly!” and I was all “yes, it is. now where’s your scalpel? scrub in. FAST.”
I don’t care what the sonos say – I’m still calling boy. That’d be a way to eff up your birth plan 😛
My first one had my water break. They had to give me drugs to get the contractions to start. 12 hours later, she was born.
Second one…contractions for 18 hours before heading to the hospital. Baby 2 born about an hour after arriving. No car birth, no lobby, all was fine.
Dibs on your 2br!
Yep definitely faster… First time round took just over 12 hours and ended in c section… This time round 5 hours from start til finish…fast and furious, no time for pain relief or thinking too much about it either!!
These stories are freaking me out. I’ve had three c sections, so the shady underbelly of labor makes me FREAK. Not that c sections are fun. They are just…better planned pain?
Wow, I envy all these moms with fast births! My first went on for an agonizing 24 hrs, then 4 hrs pushing. My second was 12 hrs, with 2 hrs pushing. As far as birth plans go, 1. a sensible plan for someone to take care of older sister and 2. telling the doctor whether you want pain management is really all you need. (Epidurals are wondrous!)
I love this question b/c I also have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and am 33 wks pregnant w/ my second. All of these posts are making me feel slightly panicky and definitely making my V hurt. Glad for the info though. Praying for faster, but not TOO FAST! Good luck to you as well.
I only have 1 and not sure what I’d do if I was having #2 because now our parents are hours away. But if I were having #2, I’d probably have no plan either. Who knows how fast he’ll/she’ll come! Good luck!
First baby I labored at home for 10 hrs before finally going into hospital around 1:00pm. She finally made her debut at 11:46 pm. 2nd baby – the whole process was probably “active” for about 11-12 hrs. And my kids don’t like to leave me… I went over 41 weeks for both pregnancies!
And I should also mention that I live 4 hrs from any family. So when we got to 40 weeks and knew an induction would probably be sometime the next week, I made plans for my mom to come in town. She came in on Saturday night, and I delivered on Sunday night. I like to think “someone” knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle it if my 22 month old wasn’t taken care of. We had friends standing by for any “middle of the night” calls in the last 3 weeks. Thankfully didn’t have to do that and ruin their sleep.
My first was a preemie, so I didn’t have time to take the classes or learn to breathe or come up with a plan. The second time, I skipped it because I figured per-term labor was the craziest thing that could happen and the rest I’d already done the first time – wrong! After about 8 hours of labor they told me my platelets were low, which meant no meds (I had NOT considered not having an epidural). The third time I knew enough to know that something would happen that I hadn’t prepared for, so I didn’t try. I had to go to a hospital 2hours away, and was only in labor for 3 hours – 7 minutes of pushing. 10 pound baby. No meds again. But at least we made it to the hospital.