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There is one problem with being two and having your birthday so close to Hanukah. You think that any candle lit in your vicinity means that it is the continuation of your special day. 

Any attempt at saying a prayer as we lit the menorah was cut short by Mazzy's rendition of "Happy Birthday". And when she was done, I'm sure you can guess what she did next. 

She blew those suckers out.

So basically, the entire holiday of Hanukah is based on the fact that the Maccabees miraculously burned one day's worth of oil for eight nights but yet in our house, we couldn't even keep a candle lit for a minute and a half.

I think it is safe to say that if a toddler was present at the Temple of Jerusalem in 168 B.C.E. than the Jews would be shit out of luck and left with nothing to do come Christmas time.

On a less symbolic note, Mazzy's first gift was Beaker from the Muppets.

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Her reaction was awesome.

Long pause.

"What's this?"

But she was immediately excited when I told her that Beaker was a Muppet, AKA a friend of Kermit.

And now they are sitting happily together.

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PROJECT MUPPET INFILTRATION: I have decided to introduce Mazzy to the Muppets one by one in the hopes that one day soon we can take her to see the Muppet Movie as an incident-free family event. It's a pipe dream. I know.

Did I mention the hijacking of our menorah?

Mike and I were given a beautiful family-heirloom-esque Menorah as a wedding gift which we were excited to pull out for the holidays.

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But nope, not necessary.

When we got home from work, we were welcomed by a homemade menorah that Mazzy made in pre-preschool.

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Initially, I thought it was a spot-on model of an '80s Volvo and was SUPER IMPRESSED.

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But no such luck. The sedan-shaped piece of clay is destined to be our menorah FOR LIFE, because there is no way in hell I will ever be able to throw out something that is both religiously significant and one of Mazzy's first three-dimensional art projects.

Just like the tzedakah box Mazzy brought home on her first day of school. "Tzedakah" means "charity" and it is supposed to teach children that small daily donations can add up to a lot of good.

Which is a lovely sentiment and an important life lesson, for sure.

But to me "tzedakah" also means "here is a used tissue box with glitter on it that you're not allowed to throw out."

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Thanks, Judaism.

Thanks a lot.

Happy Hanukah/Hanukkah/Chanukah/Channukkah to all my Jewish readers!

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381827_341871519159997_153515434662274_1507873_582917633_nCrumbs Bakeshop has very generously offered one more Colossal Cupcake to the photo with the most "likes" in the "Colossal Cake Smash Awards Album"on the Mommy Shorts Facebook Fanpage. There are many more photos in the album than were featured in the actual contest and the five winning photos are not eligible. Check it out, see if your kid got an award and vote for your favorites. Winner will be announced on Christmas Day!