Today I am guest posting over at Kludgy Mom about my experience at Mom 2.0. It's called "Blog Conferences for Newbies".
For those of you who come to this site for parenting stuff and entertainment, that probably sounds like the most boring thing ever, but if you are a blogger who is thinking about going to your first conference, it's worth a click-through. I tried to be both honest and helpful. Plus if you don't know Gigi of Kludgy Mom, she's pretty awesome (she let me use her as my blankie at the conference) and you should do yourself a favor and check out her site.
For the rest of you, I'm making it a caption contest day. Seemed like a fair thing to do. The picture below is from Ilona at Top 10 Mama.
That's Amelie taking the time to converse with Elmo through a glass partitioned bus shelter.
By now, you should all be familiar with my thoughts on Elmo. If not, you can read about how Mazzy said Elmo before she said Mom by clicking here. And if that's not enough to prove that Elmo is genuinely an asshole, you can read a guest post Elmo wrote for Mommy Shorts a few weeks back. He's exactly as much of a condescending, self-involved, name-dropping, know-it-all prick as you have always imagined.
Both those two posts should give you an excellent primer for today's caption contest.
What, pray tell, is Elmo communicating to young Amelie?
This week's contest will be judged by the current Caption Contest Queen— Kathy from iMommy. The new queen will be crowned on Thursday night in a very elaborate ceremony that exists solely in my head. I'm not going to divulge a lot of details but let's just say, it's gonna be CORPORATE SPONSORED, y'all! And we all know what that means— bring out the step and repeats!
Yes, agreed, Elmo can be irritating. Which is only one more reason why his dad, Louie, is on my Laminated List. Patience. Kindness. Fame and fortune. What more could I want?
Very good job on your Kludgy Mom guest post!
Die, Elmo, Die.
What’s that Amelie? You want to hug Elmo? Just go ahead and try. Life’s a bitch, isn’t it Amelie? AHAHAHAHA. Elmo so funny.
Save me. She made me into a backpack.
“I wanted to come to this country to clean houses, do honest Elmo work. They put Elmo in a cargo container for 10 days with just two buckets and so many more Elmos. When we get here, Elmo given needles. And then they made Elmo visit men. So many men. How many men? Let’s count! 1…2…3…4…
Monster’s Inc! Remember me? Whaaa whaa whaa (evil laughing).
Look, look, look! Dorothy is imagining Elmo as a ….. BACKPACK!
Can you tell Elmo how to get to Sesame Street? Cause Elmo thinks this bus is going to Queens!
-Today Elmo is thinking about constipation. Reminding preschoolers everywhere that Elmo’s World is not a good source of fiber.
-When Elmo steps out he wears a toddler backpack.
-“Don’t tell, Dorothy, okay? Elmo needs this bus trip to AC as much as you need some fruit snacks and a nap.”
Am I cheating? Three entries? I know, I’m ashamed of me, too.
*Gasp* O.E.G. Bert did not say that to Ernie on the park see-saw! Really?! Right in front of Maria? Oh, Elmo is so shocked! Come with Elmo on the bus to Mr. Noodle’s so we can ask him what that means.
(OEG = OMG in Elmospeak)
“Shhh… Elmo is hiding from Miss Ilana. Elmo thinks Miss Ilana has anger management issues… ”
Great job on Kludgy Mom – thanks so much for the honest insight!
“Psst…come closer to Elmo. Closer. I want to tell you a secret I’ve never told anybody before. Babies make me sick. Now beat it!”
Help! This bus is going to New Jersey!
Don’t tell Mr. Noodle you saw Elmo, Mr. Noodle give Elmo the creeps.
“Baby, go tell Dorothy! Kotex is launching a line of designer maxi pads!”
Look into my eyes. Elmo is your king. Charlie Sheen has nothing on me. Winning, Duh!
Help! I’ve been turned into a 3D tramp stamp.
“Oh God. Amelie, I’m so sorry – this is really awkward. I wish you didn’t have to find out this way, but this is Sally… We met at daycare, that time you left me there overnight. We’ve been – well, we’ve been playing with eachother again lately. I know, I know – it’s not fair… But you’ve been so preoccupied these days – I can’t even remember the last time you tickled me! Oh Amelie, why did it have to be this way? Sally and I are running away together – no one has ever made me giggle the way SHE has. I’m so sorry, Amelie. Please forgive me.”
I can’t. I really don’t like Elmo. Who sent him to the taxidermist and turned him into a purse? I want to send that person a card.
Anywhoo, I also read your blog conference thing. It was interesting, but I still haven’t figured out where “I just blog for fun and would want to go to a blog conference to hang out with my virtual friends” fits into justifying the expense.
Hi Ilana! This is the first time I’ve been on your blog and I have to say…cute! 🙂 As for the caption thing – Get Me OUT of Here — She Tooted!
“Run away Kid, Run away! You don’t know what these two are in to! Think I was always a backpack? NOPE! Not so much! I used to have stuffing, I used to walk, I used to Vibrate! Then one day BAM! Now I’m strapped to the back of a Jr Phys-co! Run Away while you Can!!!!!”
“Kill them… kill them all…”
I’m waiting for all of the Elmo dolls to step up and take over the world.
And we will have to sing the Elmo song instead of the Star-Spangled banner, except it will be for whatever we’re doing (Baseball? The Baseball Song.
School? The Learning Song.
*involuntary twitch*
“Hey..can I use your phone? My agent sent me on this gig – total bullshit! No mention of being used as a backpack! And I am at a bus stop? What the F***?! That asshole will never work in this town again!
Hey kid….are you listening to Elmo??? Did you hear me??? God Damn It!”
Awesome caption!
(thank you)
“Hello little girl, Elmo is very excited to meet you! Elmo is taking a trip to-
Aw, fuck it. If Elmo has to talk about himself in the third person one more time, Elmo is gonna need a three martini dinner with a Xanax chaser.”
I’m gonna puke!
I don’t like this mirror; get me a new one…!
“Oh shit! Maybe if I stay perfectly still, she won’t know it’s me. Damn it, why did I have to take the 7 bus, why?”