After Dr. B's anti-TV post, I feel the need to counterbalance with a pro-TV post. Not because I am advocating sticking your child in front of a television (although I have done it before and I will do it again) but because TV is a life-long friend of mine and I will defend my friends to the death. Years of spending quality time with TV has taught me invaluable things that I would not have learned otherwise. Like that robot children can go undetected at school. Or that one should never go into the back room of a bike shop. And no marital difference is too large that it can't be solved by going on a cruise.
Television has just gotten more educational as the years have passed. Now we have reality TV which teaches us, what else? REAL LIFE LESSONS.
REAL LIFE LESSONS that I am happy to pass on to my child:
The Jersey Shore— Dream big. Even with no talent, questionable morals and a horrible accent, it is still possible to skyrocket to superstardom.
The Bachelorette— Sometimes you need to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet the guy that is going to break up with you on the cover of US Weekly two months later.
The City— NYC will chew you up and spit you out
like a Chicklet that's been sitting at the bottom of
Anna Wintour's purse since 1983. But if Kelly
Cutrone likes you because a network is paying her
to, you will be just fine.
The Montell Williams Show— Question everything. Including the real identity of your father.
Dancing With The Stars— Everyone deserves a second chance. Except Melanie Griffith.
Wipe Out— People will laugh at you if you fall on your face. Ignore them, get up and try it again. And again. And again. And— HAHAHAHAHA you look ridiculous.
Flavor of Love— There is somebody out there for everybody.
Extreme Home Makeover— Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for life. Build a man a house with a massive arcade room and a fully functioning carousel and the cost of the additional electricity will cause him to foreclose within the next year or two.
Keeping Up With The Kardashians— Even men can make
horrible plastic surgery decisions.
So You Think You Can Dance— You can't dance. Sorry. You
are the product of myself and your father. I have rhythm but
no moves and your dad's got moves but no rhythm.
Survivor— Trust no one. Even Jeff Probst. He's a shady one.
America's Next Top Model— Smile and the whole world smiles with you. Smize and who gives a crap about the rest of the world because you just landed yourself a lucrative contract with Cover Girl!