For the past three years, I have tried to come up with fresh new content for every post. New topics, new discussions, new milestones, new funny things my kids did, etc. etc. etc.
But you know what?
90% of parenting is doing the EXACT SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
What? You don't like wiping your baby's ass? TOO BAD!!! You will be wiping it ten times a day for three years!
You find cutting a slice of pizza into tiny squares while making sure the cheese doesn't separate from the crust a mind-numbing exercise? Welcome to the next five years of your life!
Your kid likes when you swing her up in the air? On the 700,000th time you will not only want to shoot yourself, you will throw your back out. I guarantee it.
Remember when I wrote that post about Mazzy turning into a train? SHE'S STILL A TRAIN.
Remember when I mentioned potty training OVER A YEAR AGO??? We're still working on it.
Remember when my kids got sick THAT ONE TIME?? They are sick ALL THE TIME!!!!
But you know what's the most annoying? The fights. When I was in college, I used to fight with my room mate. About boys, about drinking, about trying to write a paper while she was "secretly" having sex with her boyfriend two feet away. Those were exciting fights. These are fights with with my three-year-old. About juice and television. They are the most uninteresting repetitive fights IN THE WORLD.
Here's are ten fights I have with my three-year-old daily. I'm sure if I thought for another hour, I could come up with ten more.
1) THE BATH FIGHT
Mazzy says she doesn't want to take a bath. I say she has to take a bath. Kicking and screaming ensues. Finally, I get her in the bath. Once in the bath, she says she doesn't want to get her hair wet. "You have to get your hair wet. That's the only way to wash it." "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" "Just lean back. It's not a big deal." "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" "Okay fine. If you don't lean back, I'm going to pour water over your head." "AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! You got water in my eye!!!!!"
2) THE APPLE JUICE FIGHT
"I want apple juice." "If you are thirsty, you can drink some water." "I don't want WATER!!!" "Water is delicious. It's my favorite drink." "Apple juice!!!!!!!!" "No apple juice." She gets quiet. Collects herself. I think it's over. "Mommy, can I have some apple juice, please?" "That's very nice asking, but my answer is still no." "WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
3) THE HAIR BRUSHING FIGHT
"Mazzy, I have to brush your hair." Mazzy runs as far away as possible. I follow her around the apartment weilding the brush. "I have to. Your hair is a mess." "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" She runs back the other way. "You can watch the iPad while I brush your hair." "Okay." I hand her the iPad. She sits on the couch. "You have to sit on the edge of the couch so I can reach your hair." "NOOOOO!!!!" "If you don't sit on the edge of the couch, I'm taking away the iPad." "Okay." I raise the brush. "That hurts!!!!!!!" "I haven't even touched it yet." I brush one strand of hair. "IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!" She runs away again. Repeat ad nauseum.
4) THE POTTY FIGHT
"Mazzy, we are leaving now. Let's go to the bathroom first." "NOOOOOO!!!!!" "Just go pee." "I DON'T HAVE TO PEE!!!!!!" "You haven't peed in four hours. Just go pee." "NOOOOOO!!!!!" "Just sit on the potty and see if you have to pee. If you don't pee, that's okay." "NOOOOOO!!!!" "Fine, let's go." We leave. Walk down the street. "Mom? I have to pee!"
5) THE HAND WASHING FIGHT
Mazzy pees, wipes and flushes. Starts to run out of the bathroom. "Mazzy, you have to wash your hands." "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" "Yes, you have to wash your hands." "NOOOOOO!!!!!!" "Mazzy, you always have to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom. That's never going to change." "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" "I'm not letting you out of the bathroom until you wash your hands." "Fine." We turn the faucet on. "IT'S TOO HOT!!!" Kill me.
6) THE DRIED MANGO FIGHT
We always have dried mango in the house from Trader Joe's. Mazzy loves it. However. In each bag there is always one or two big juicy slices of mango and the rest are smaller shreds. Mazzy only wants the big pieces. "Can I have a piece of mango, please?" "Sure." I hand her one. "NO! A big piece!!!!" "That is a big piece." "NO! THAT IS NOT A BIG PIECE!!!!" "Well, it's the biggest one in the bag." "I WANNA BIG PIECE!!!!!!!" "Look for yourself." Tears.
7) THE POOP FIGHT
Mazzy still refuses to poop on the potty. She likes to hold it in all day until we put on her nighttime diaper. Every night, we have the following conversation: "I want to put on my diaper now." "Mazzy, do you have to poop? Let's try pooping on the potty." "No. I don't want to poop on the potty!" "Big girls poop on the potty." "I don't want to be a big girl!" Finally, I give in and put on the diaper. Mazzy goes to bed and three minutes later, "MOMMMMM!!!! I POOPED!!!!!"
8) THE DESSERT FIGHT
"Mom? Can I have a treat?" "You had ice cream after lunch." "But I want a treat NOW!!!!!" "You know the rule. Only one treat a day." "NOOOOOOO!!!!"
Or. If, she didn't have a treat after lunch.
"Mom? Can I have a treat." "Sure, but only one cookie." "Okay." I hand her a cookie. "Thanks, Mom!!!" She's happy. She eats it. She's done. "Mom? Can I have another cookie, please?" "I told you only one cookie." "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
I can't win.
9) THE TRANSPORTATION FIGHT
"Carry me!" "Mazzy, you are not a baby." "Carry me!!!" "I can't carry you. You're too heavy and I'm already carrying a bag." "Carry me!!!" "I asked you if you wanted to take the stroller and you said you wanted to walk." "I don't want to walk!!!" "Well, it's too late now." "Carry me!!!!" "Let's get a cab."
10) THE TELEVISION FIGHT
"Mom? Can I watch a show?" "You already watched two shows this morning." "I WANT TO WATCH A SHOW!!!!!!!" "Why don't you draw something or do a puzzle." "I don't want to draw something or do a puzzle!!!" "Well, I'm sorry. You'll have to figure out something else to do." Mazzy runs into the other room. "Dad!!!! Can I watch a show????" "Sure." Mazzy runs back. "Dad said I could watch a show." AWESOME.
These happen at everyone's house, right?