Have you heard about the new $3000 stroller? It's a collaboration between Silver Cross and Aston Martin (yes, the car that's driven by James Bond) and it's deemed "the most exclusive pram in the world". That sounds more like a club in Capri than a way to transport your baby from your house to the park and then back again, but I assure you, THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
I know what you're wondering— does the pram print money that will send my kid to college? No, no it does not. Does it fly? Nope. But it does have a sun shade and a winter footmuff!!!
If the sun shade doesn't impress you, how about a whole bunch of fancy materials like Alcantara leather and performance fabric? And— GET THIS GUYS!!! The chassis is finished in anodised aluminium and magnesium alloy!
Yeah, I have no idea what that means either.
Apparently, the best part of the Aston Martin stroller is only 800 people will have the privilege of buying one. You'll get a certificate of authenticity, kind of like the one you got with your first Cabbage Patch Kid. It will say, "Congratulations! You now own the douchiest baby in your neighborhood!"
But let's be real. Even though I could care less about an Aston Martin logo embroidered on the seat, there are plenty of things that would make a $3000 stroller worth it.
Here are 20 features I'd like to see before shelling over the big bucks:
1. A real live babysitter harnassed underneath to be called upon whenever needed
2. Handles convert into arms of diaper changing robot
3. Stroller seat has an automatic swaddling mechanism
4. It not only collapses at the push of a button, it has the power to disappear completely
5. Hidden fridge underneath the headrest, perfectly sized for box of wine
6. Converts into a little house where you can breastfeed in privacy
7. Inner speakers provide white noise perfect for lulling your baby to sleep
8. Dispenses frozen yogurt
9. Soundproof bubble completely encloses carriage at first sign of tantrum
10. Bubble doubles as quarantine when child gets ill
11. Touchpad on handle allows you to play Words with Friends while pushing your kid to preschool
12. It will have sex with your husband when you are not in the mood
13. Unlimited supply of diapers carried by minion who trails you at all times
14. Pediatrician lives in lower storage compartment
15. Drops rose petals from the front wheel so the soles of your feet never have to actually touch the ground
16. Bakes bread
17. Buys and wraps gifts for birthday parties
18. Acts as free pass to join celebrity mom group run by Beyonce and Mariah Carey
19. Gives you genuine-sounding compliments throughout the day like, "You're the best mother!" and "Wow! You've got one of those better-after-baby bodies!"
20. Comes with personal stroller pusher named Daniel Craig
What features would you like to see?