I asked AI to write a Father’s Day gift guide introduction “in the style of Ilana Wiles.” Here’s what they came up with:

Hey there, fellow procrastinating gift-givers! Are you still scrambling to find the perfect Father’s Day present for the man who has everything (except, of course, a sense of direction)? Well, fear not, because I’ve got you covered with a hilarious and oh-so-relatable Father’s Day gift guide that will have Dad laughing so hard, he might just forget that you forgot to buy him a gift until the last minute. So grab a cup of coffee (or let’s be real, a stiff drink), sit back, and let’s dive into the wild world of Dad-approved presents.

Not bad, AI! Don’t worry, we put way more thought into our gift selection than the intro. I hope you find something that suits the dad in your life!

For the dad who is constantly snacking:

A Try The World Snack Subscription so he can try snacks from other countries once a month

A box of wild Alaskan seafood, caught by small-boat fishermen from Sitka Seafood

Four gourmet ice cream flavors, delivered directly to your door from eCreamery

Artisan flavored honey

A Herbs de Provence spice blend for seasoning and dipping

Six gourmet popcorn flavors to try during movie night

A curated box of (non-fish) gourmet meat, by Rastelli’s

Four Brightland gourmet olive oils, for garnish and dipping (and Herbs de Provence!)

Truffle chocolate bars in fun flavors from Seattle Chocolate Co

For the dad who would rather be puttering around his yard on a beautiful Saturday:

Pool float with a footrest

Columbia’s famous button up shirt

A stool with pockets for all of his yard tools

Solar powered tent stakes to light up your campsite

A pickleball set to play the hottest new sport with your family

A portable campfire that doesn’t make your clothes smell for weeks

A pool lounger that fits at least 4

A countertop composter for smell-free composting

For the type of dad who wears cufflinks on a regular basis:

Watch gear perpetual motion hexagonal cufflinks

A subscription to Scentbird: he’ll receive one new scent a month!

A pair of Merino Wool mittens (maybe not useful for summer, but he’ll be a happy camper this winter!)

The ever-classic Chelsea boot, which is currently having a major fashion moment

For the watch aficionados: a gorgeous and sleek watch from August Berg or a subscription to a Watch of the Month club

A Herbarium candle from Brooklyn Candle Studio

Cufflinks made from his favorite sports stadium seat

Aesop hand soap, for an extra luxurious hand-washing experience

A linen shirt for summertime

For the dad who already owns too many “Best Dad Ever!” mugs:

A pair of Australian Sheepskin slippers, for the early morning dog walks

A bow & arrow set, for archery practice in the backyard

A bluetooth HP Sprocket printer, to take his favorite memories from digital to paper

Noise-cancelling headphones, for a little quiet time

A personalized map of a meaningful place

A portable neck massager (for when he inevitably throws out his back)

Artkive: a service that digitizes your child’s artwork and creates meaningful keepsake pieces

an Artifact Uprising lay-flat photo book, for a luxury coffee-table version of your favorite memories together

a hat that screams “COOL DAD”, but very subtly (“Cool Dad” embroidered on hat in tone-on-tone thread)

For the dad who has a well-practiced standup routine:

A Latte Larry’s mug, because all dads love Seinfeld

A Vandelay Industries t-shirt for the same reason

Live From New York: The Uncensored History of SNL

El Arrayo Letterboard Coasters (“Life is like a game of chess…I don’t know how to play chess”)

Schwetty Balls for a golfer who doesn’t take himself too seriously

the Waterboy jersey, because dads love Adam Sandler movies

The Anchorman bust

a Bluetooth enabled banana phone

The History of Sketch Comedy

Sick in the Head: Jodd Apatow’s autobiography

Curb Your Enthusiasm party game

a “More Cowbell” t-shirt from the legendary SNL sketch¬†

Monday / Friday socks

For the dad who keeps his high school championship trophy in his office:

A blueprint of his favorite sports stadium

Giant inflatable lawn bowling

the Fitbit Versa to track steps and sleep

a mug/bowl so he can play basketball with his Cheerios

a foldable walking pad to get those steps in

a portable plugless Apple Watch charger

Customizable college drinking glasses

A massage gun for the post-game

For the dad who loves good music, breweries, single origin coffee, and band tees:

A couch caddy for drinks, books, and more

A kit to keep his beard well-groomed

A build-your-own FM radio

a Zippo lighter-of-the-month club

Playing cards printed with musical legends

A sleek record player for the living room

A kit to brew his own mead

A coffee tasting notes challenge, with five different blends included