Yesterday, kids across the country gave their moms drawings and homemade cards, with the hopes of making them feel extra special on Mother’s Day. My favorite is always the questionnaires that kids bring home from school, where conniving teachers ask their young pupils to supply answers to everything from “my mom’s age” to “what my mom does all day.”
Hmmmm….what could go wrong???
I remember, last year, Harlow’s questionnaire asked “what is a secret about your mom?” Which could have gone very, very sideways for some people, I am guessing. WHY ASK THAT IF YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO ELICIT SOMETHING EMBARRASSING??? Harlow’s answer was “she wears her necklace in the shower” which was the absolute perfect way to tell her teacher, “I’m not falling for your evil Mother’s Day tricks and throwing my mom under the bus that easy, Mrs. Cohen!!!!”
This year, neither Mazzy or Harlow brought home a Mother’s Day questionnaire from school and it made me a bit sad. Because as much as I don’t like to get called out for “playing on my phone all day,” I also really appreciate the laugh.
So, instead, I asked you all to submit your Mother’s Day questionnaires to @averageparentproblems, where I have been posting them on my story all weekend long.
Here are 27 of my favorite Mother’s Day card fails that made their recipients feel the exact opposite of loved, beautiful and appreciated:
1. From the kid who really wanted some goldfish crackers
2. From the kid who has no disposable income
3. From the kid who has been paying very close attention
4. From the kid who has a messed up idea of relaxing
5. From the kid who has a very high opinion of daddy
6. From the kid who wants to give some positive reinforcement
7. From the kid who knows mom is old, but is confused about how old
8. From the kid who wonders if a new baby brother will arrive any day now
9. From the kid who is easily impressed
10. From kid who yells, “MOMMMMMM!!!!” right before he drops a tissue on the floor
11. From the kid who knows how to give a compliment
12. From the kid who really knows his mom well
13. From the kid who has been lied to his whole life
14. From the kid who should start drawing portraits at parties
15. From the kid who just watched his mom dispose of a body
16. From the kid who once promised that he’d take care of the puppy
17. From the kid who would like a Frozen LEGO castle, thank you very much
18. From the kid who throws a party every time he poops
19. From the kid, who is like, can you just stop reading email to play with me for a second???
20. From the kid who knows a good gift when he eats one
21. From the kid who recently learned “consent”
22. From the kid who is a cheap date
23. From the kid who is done writing his card, but has a good reason
And lastly, a very special Mother’s Day Poem…
24. From the kid who knows “annoying, eager, regular person” is as brutally honest as it gets.
On the plus side, he also thinks you are beautiful and happy! As I wrote about earlier, you have to take the good with the bad.
Now, I think I might give Mazzy and Harlow one of these forms just for fun.
What’s the funniest thing that your kid said in their Mother’s Day card or questionnaire?