Under Union Square, in the 14th Street subway station is a growing collection of post-it notes expressing love and support for one another that started after many in NYC were disappointed by the results of the election. I had heard about the wall but only saw it for the first time last Sunday, when Mazzy and I were on our way back from a birthday party.
At first I was nervous that it would signal to Mazzy the growing discord in our country, but as we stood with our fellow New Yorkers reading the thousands of sentiments posted before us, I found it very comforting. It is a wonderful example of the diversity and solidarity that can be found in our city at a time when many are demonstrating their anger and fear.
To be clear, I am also angry and fearful (and growing more so with each cabinet appointment), but that’s not something I wish to share with my children.
Mazzy asked why people were posting notes and I told her that they were sharing their love for all different kinds of people. I told her that we are very lucky because NYC is one of the most diverse places in the world and we get to live side by side with people of all different skin colors, ethnicities and religions. I told her that many people who live here come from other countries, like Ruth who is from Paraguay and our neighbor who is from China and Grammy who immigrated here from Germany when she was a little girl. I told her that this wall symbolized what is so great about NYC— we celebrate both our similarities and our differences and the fact that we all get to live here together.
A lot of the post-its were political and Mazzy asked why people were writing about Hillary Clinton. I told her that a lot of people love Hillary and are sad that she lost the election, so they want to show their support for her too.
“Can I make one?” Mazzy asked.
I found a pen and a packet of blank post-its on the floor and handed them to her. She started drawing a picture of a lady. “Who is that?” I asked.
“Hillary Clinton,” she said proudly and posted it on the wall.
After Mazzy put up her post-it, I wrote one of my own. Mine said “Raise the Change” which is my new mantra.
Then Mazzy asked if she could make another one and drew Hillary Clinton again, but this time with a heart drawn around her.
When we were leaving the wall, she said, “A lot of people don’t love Trump.”
“That’s true,” I said cautiously.
“Because he’s mean,” she continued, which is something I’ve heard her say before that I believe she picked up at school.
“Well, I think the wall is trying to show Trump that being nice to people is more powerful than being mean.”
She accepted the answer and moved on to other things, like what was in her goodie bag and whether we would have pizza for dinner. But my mind was still playing back what I had said. Was it too much? Was it enough? Would it comfort her or scare her? This is our reality right now and although the election is over, the topic is not going away. Or topics, I should say. I talk a lot about diversity, but this is also about the environment (Trump just appointed climate change denier Myron Ebell as the head of the Environmental Protection Agency), human rights (Mike Pence doesn’t believe a woman has the right to decide what happens to her own body and believes that gay people can be changed through conversion therapy) and foreign policy (newly appointed General Michael Flynn is quoted as saying that the Muslim faith is a cancer and Jeff Sessions was once rejected as a federal judge due to a history of racist remarks, including calling the NAACP “un-American.”) I am happy Trump appointed Reince Priebus (who brings substantial government experience) as his Chief of Staff, but Priebus is supposed to work in partnership with the scariest appointment of all— White Nationalist Steve Bannon as Chief Strategist, a man who favorably compares himself to Darth Vadar. Here’s a direct quote: “Darkness is good. Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That’s power. It only helps us when they get it wrong. When they’re blind to who we are and what we’re doing.”
Last week, I said I was grieving. This week is something worse. We are not talking about getting over a dead person. We are talking about getting used to someone who is very much alive with a growing influence over all our lives. A person who is pushing an agenda that is the exact opposite of everything I believe is true and good.
I know I run the risk of losing followers for talking about this because many people believe this blog should not be a place to talk about politics. Believe me, I don’t want to talk about politics either. I would much rather be talking about birthday parties and potty training, but as someone with an audience, I think it is an obligation. And as I’ve said in my posts, this election is about parenting. It is about the future of our children and raising the kinds of kids we want to run the world.
I am also very scared. I was brought to tears last weekend, when at that same birthday party, I happened to check my phone and see a report of swastikas drawn on the doors of Jewish students in the New School. That’s a school within walking distance from my apartment. I can’t believe that all the outbreaks of hate I have been reading about in the country have hit so close to home.
Then this past weekend, a playground in Brooklyn Heights was vandalized with swastikas and the words “Go Trump.” It’s a playground dedicated to the memory of Adam Yauch, aka MCA from the Beastie Boys. All the Beastie Boys are Jewish, so this was a targeted attack. And it was on a slide in a popular park where children play every day. Thankfully, the community reacted quickly and covered up the hateful graffiti with a fresh coat of paint.
Then the community showed up for a demonstration, taping hearts to the slide with children holding signs that said things like, “Preschoolers 4 Peace” and “Don’t say mean things to people.”
These sentiments should not be divisive. They are cries for human decency and should be embraced by all, no matter who you voted for. Or if you were one of the many people who didn’t vote at all.
Another incident that happened this weekend in NYC was at Dallas BBQ. A waitress who has worked there for 25 years served a table of people and then in place of a tip, the patrons left a note on their receipt. That note said, “Safe flight back to Mexico.”
That should be universally appalling.
So for all those people telling me to stop talking about the election (“Get over it! You lost!” they say,) I wish it was that simple. People also like to tell me that I am unnecessarily educating my children on something that is too adult for them to hear. Yes. That’s true. One of the things I hate about the current state of politics is that I now view hearing a speech from the President Elect as not being appropriate for children. How, my friends, did we get here???
But you can’t shield kids from hate speech when it appears on their playgrounds.
For those of you who agree with my positions and my freedom to cover what’s going on, thank you for your support. It has encouraged me and made me feel great respect for our community.
For those of you who disagree with me, but are still reading, I thank you for not unfollowing. I am trying to listen and understand the other side (the people who are willing to discuss intelligently as opposed to bash me for speaking my mind) because I don’t believe anything will be gained if only like-minded people talk to one another. That’s what got us into this mess in the first place. I know these acts of hate don’t represent every Trump supporter and I’m betting a lot of people are upset that people are committing them in his name. But it’s happening. Racists and anti-semites feel emboldened and like their side is winning. If you are one of the people who voted for Trump for economic or religious reasons, please speak out against the hatred he has unleashed.
I am not going to make every post on my blog political, but I will continue to speak my mind as long as I feel it is safe to do so. I am looking to find people who commiserate and also educate people who maybe aren’t paying as much attention. I hope my readers, both the people who believe the same things I do and those who don’t, continue an open dialogue that is not about hatred but about working towards a common goal— a better future for all.
Especially for our children.
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You can continue to follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
I am so sad. Sad for you for seeing those swastikas in your neighborhood. Sad for the kids whose playground was vandalized with such a vile symbol. I’m a daughter of mexican immigrants, I have family here who will be affected by the tough immigration and deportation policies to come. We’ve been degraded, insulted, yet I feel that that is nothing compared to a Jewish community being attacked by Nazi/White Supremacists. We all know so well how that ends. Many in this country still live with the aftermath of the dark moment in our global history. This was not just one country, it was the world. People, wake up. I don’t care who you voted for. We must not allow this. We have to stand up, speak up. Don’t let this be the new norm. Please. And yes, this is about our children. My kids are 1/2 Jewish and I don’t want them to experience any of that. We can’t allow ANY group of any kind to be treated that way. We just can’t.
You are 100% right. This IS about parenting. What is the future going to look like for the little people we brought into the world when it honestly seemed like a safer place? I felt like that waking up in London after Brexit. It has been an odd thing explaining that to our 8 year old and 6 yr old (the 3 yr old doesn’t get it) because we honestly don’t know what it is going to look like and it is such a long process. And I thought that was hard. Most of our neighbours are not London-born, at least half the kids in preschool and primary are first or second generation born here. It’s our community. But, bad as it felt, it had nothing on what you guys are going through. I would imagine the Trump supporting followers here had their valid reasons for voting for him, just as the Leave voters I knew and count my friends and loved ones were not at all racially motivated to vote as they did, despite the apparent “permission” for abhorrent hate crime the result seemed to give to certain members of society. But for us, those in power negotiating us into this unknown and increasingly terrifying new world, whether we agree with their politics or not, are not the ones publicly speaking the politics of division or hatred or “other”. Despite disappointment on November 9th I had hopes of an experienced and rational team behind the guy in the front. The first appointments concerned me. Bannon sickens and scares me. From an ocean away. And so yes, you need to speak your truth from any and every platform that is available to you because our kids need to know we did that for them and for the world in general. This is real life now, for us and our kids. And this is not ok.
You have all of my support. I’ve been following your blog for years and probably drive my friends with kids crazy with how many times I refer back to your posts. I don’t have kids of my own, but I have worked with kids and teens for the last 7 years teaching yoga and mindfulness and I am the proud aunt of 4 rambunctious, adorable kiddos. This election has caused me to feel so many emotions and discuss with my partner my fears about ever bringing our own kiddo into the world. I love your “Raise the Change” because that is what has been hovering at the back of my mind for weeks now. Thank you for being a part of the conversation. Your dialogues with Harlow and Mazzy often inspire the templates I use for talking about topics with the kiddos in my life and I greatly appreciate what you do and share. Please keep doing what you’re doing!
P.S. If you do another book tour, please hit us up in Lawrence, KS if you get the chance. We’re the “blue oasis” of KS.
Please go on talking about this. I very much appreciate it, it gives me a glimpse of what is going on over there. People here are worried, too. Greetings from Germany
Thank you for this post!
Thanks mommy shorts for speaking up about this! My best friend is Jewish, living in another giant melting pot (Philadelphia!) and has also seen these acts of hate over the community she felt so safe in. It is nerve wracking to watch each cabinet choice, and see the riots on the news. It breaks my heart for all the families that have to explain to their children the acts of violence and hate. I really wish I wasn’t scared for our future, but hopefully there are still more messages of love to eventually drown the hate before it gets out of control: to a point of no return.
Thank you for tackling this and encouraging us with our children.. I truly feel helpless, it really helps to hear another mother’s voice during this difficult time. Thank you!
I cannot thank you enough for continuing to talk about these issues. One of my biggest fears is that the holidays will swoop in and distract us or worse, that we will become immune to this movement. Thank you for not allowing that!! It’s unpleasant yes, but not to be swept aside. It IS a parenting issue. It IS a human issue. You DO have the right to discuss any topic you like. But above all of this…it is the right thing to do. We are a group of intelligent women who can easily be distracted from the important news because we work and take care of our children. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that days may go by where I elect to ignore the daily news or thoughts of our current situation. But I always check in on your blog for a laugh or to commiserate over the woes of life. I NEED THIS REMINDER. I NEED THIS INFOEMATION. I NEED THIS DISCUSSION….and I cannot thank you enough for providing this platform and encouraging brave and wise women to speak up when every instinct may be saying to stay silent.
Thank you for your post. I am in the Midwest, and I know a few people that voted for Trump. I still don’t understand why they did. And like you, I am concerned with his cabinet and his choice for the environment. I think those still concerned should speak up. It is so important! You may lose followers but you have lifetime reader here (in Indiana). And yes, a lot of people here don’t like Mike Pence either. I promise! We should always should speak up when we see injustices.
You have my support and I’m glad to raise the change in my house as well.
Thank you so much for this post, I love you and support you 100% and the pain is real .. very real, My husband is a Mexican Immigrant, my DAUGHTERS are Mexican, they have a Mexican last name and the fear and pain is very real ( as you know raising two Jewish daughters) I fear for you country and our children and thank you so much for speaking up and out about this. I love your blog, insta and snapchat and look forward to it !
All I can say to this post is, YES! and THANK YOU!! I was nodding my head agreeing with every word you said. Mentally highlighting your words to Mazzy as words to say to my own daughters when they question what is happening to our world. You, Ilana, are a fantastic mother. Raise The Change is exactly what we should all be doing. Not “getting over it” or “moving on.” Our world has been rocked by something terrible and we can’t just turn our heads and look away. Thank you for this post. I wanted to stand up and clap when I finished reading it. ?
Thank you, you help provide words for those of us not a eloquent as you are.
Please keep writing about this topic…I am angry and fearful too, still grieving and honestly heartbroken for so many reasons. It is really wonderful to know that other women are having similar emotions and fears – I do not have that in my every day real life. I appreciate the posts and the comments sections.
thank you for speaking what many of us are thinking. You do have a voice and it’s good that we can hear it. We support you!
“Raise the change.” I LOVE it and hope you’ll continue to be encouraged to write about these things because you’re right. This election and outcome very much so affects parenting. Our children are our legacy.
Very well said! Thanks for the wise words, I can really commiserate and understand you.
Thank you so much for talking about this. I love your new mantra, “Raise the change” because it fits so perfectly with your professional and personal lives. I too wanted to clap and cry as I read.
We’re in the suburbs of Chicago, and while neither my husband nor I voted for Trump, we know people that did. I can understand why people voted for him, though I don’t agree with it. People in rural communities are hurting- their jobs are disappearing, and they feel like no one listens or cares. Trump is their champion (though what they think a billionaire that produces his goods in other countries and doesn’t pay his workers will actually do for them I don’t know) and they think the change they are hoping and hurting for is coming. We’ve been speaking a lot about racial and religious diversity and accepting the LGBTQ community, and all of that is incredibly important. But I think that ignoring the people in poorer, rural communities and not accepting and reaching out to them is what has gotten us where we are. So let’s reach out to ALL. people, regardless of race, sexual orientation, religion, gender, occupation, or hometown, and let’s teach our children to do the same. Let’s stand united and denounce this hate and teach our kiddos to love.
You have every right to express your feelings. No matter who you voted for, or what your beliefs are, the areas frequented by children is no place to carry on anything but positive behaviour.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am incredibly thankful that those that have an audience are using their space to combat the hatred that is so pervasive right now. Please don’t ever be afraid to share your truth.
So very grateful for your voice. Thank you for using this platform to promote kindness. Thank you for raising brave, loving, strong girls. I hope those of us who are just ahead of them (by two or so decades) will continue to be strong women ourselves, remembering that we’re fighting for Massey and Harlow (and our own babies too!).
Forgive the autocorrect on Mazzy’s name!
It is very sad to say, but I am comforted that you are feeling as hurt and anguished as I am about all of this. I am originally from NY and now I live in Portland, OR. I have never lived in an uninclusive city. Up until last week, the hate and ignorance is slowly creeping out! There was swastikas and pro trump graffiti at Reed College, for those of you who have never heard of it, its one of the most liberal places I can even think of! This is about parenting! We need to share with our children that this is not right and we need to stand up for ourselves…Illana, you have a platform and a voice, thank you for using it for good instead if evil.
You have my support and encouragement from California. I commend you on using your platform to speak your voice and I agree with your fears and concerns. Please do not be silent. We must all work for justice for the sake of all our children.
Yes thank you for using your platform! I’m very overwhelmed with how unsafe the election has made me feel and gutted to know it is how many communities have been feeling for lifetimes. I’m trying to focus on what I can do and one of those is “raising the change”. We need these communities more than ever.
Thank you so much for this. I’m visiting my inlaws in New York right now. Visiting from California. I can’t sleep because they voted for Trump and my husband and I voted for Hillary. We have been avoiding talking politics. My husband and I are heading into the city tomorrow. He kept asking me where I wanted to go. Your post reminded me about the post it location. I want to go there tomorrow. Maybe bring our daughter when we head in Thursday for the parade. I want to have a conversation but I don’t want it to end up with yelling. I want to get along with my in laws because I want my daughter to have grandparents. I don’t want her to learn about all this hatred but…. I could go on but you said it all so much better. Thank you for this. It isn’t just politics anymore. It is about the world we are leaving for our children.
I’ll start my saying, I’m 22, a newly graduated nurse and nanny but not a mom. I shared this on FB and got a lot of positive response so I feel it is safe to share here. I did vote opposite of you, however, I had specific reasons and I assure you it is not because I hate or am a rascist. Your political views would never cause me to unfollow but I think open, respectful discussion is fair when you post about politics.
Hate does not know democratic or republican. It comes from people. Watching videos of “Trump protesters” burn and stomp on American flags is both astonishing and disgusting to me. Whether you agree with the outcome of this election or not, it is what it is. We should not continue to dwell on what did not happen, we should move forward to hope that Donald Trump will be a great president and move our county in the right direction. If we are truely proud to live in America we need to stand together as a united country and encourage positive change together, not tear new ideas down. The unknown is scary, but we need to have a positive outlook. I’m a firm believer things happen they way they are supposed to and this election is no different. I don’t think there is anyone who doesn’t want to see positive change for our country and future generations. (May those generations be more tuned in and aware of their surroundings and important things in the world than mine is; I think sharing with your children at an early age is positive. At least they’ll be aware in the future.)
And I agree with “Raise the Change” I have more faith in Mazzy and Harlow’s generation than I do in my own.
Very well said. ?
“Raise the change”
I want it on a tshirt. And a billboard. And a bumper sticker. I love it.
Thank you for continuing to speak out. As a mommy of a 4 year old, I am looking to other mommas who have the same position as me on many issues. It feels comforting in this time to have a place to go where we can be comfortable together sharing and learning from each other. Raise the Change is my new mantra. Right now my little girl is too young to really know what’s happening and I’m so grateful for that. At the same time, I need to be doing everything I can at this age to teach her love, kindness and being accepting of others no matter who they are. This feels so much more important now than it ever has to me. Please continue to use your voice to share and to bring us together.
I love your insight on this topic. You have a very powerful voice and I am happy to see you use it.
Thank you for using your platform as a voice for raising awareness, even if it means having fewer followers. It is so important that we don’t become complacent after these election results. These negative actions of hatred should not become status quo. I too was in despair and disbelief after these elections. My biggest fear is and will remain to be the atmosphere that our President Elect has cultivated, which has made it okay to be hateful (in public) to minorities, women, and really anyone with contrasting views of the “right.” I knew these attitudes existed, as I’ve been on the receiving end before, but now they are on display for all to see and they make me sick. And now these individuals feel justified. My husband and I live in San Antonio, Texas (a rather Hispanic, democratic, and progressive city by Texas standards). We are both Hispanic, and suddenly, the fact that we are has made more hyperaware and terrified for my safety in this country. My own guilt is that since we are multigenerational “American” with such diverse ancestry, I felt so removed from Trumps initial comments about people of Mexican or Latin decent, or any skin color other than white. I didn’t stand up then, because I was meek. But now I’m angry, and now it’s a little too late. I even found myself arguing with commenters (certain Trump supporters) on social media. I suddenly felt the need to justify just how American I was despite my Hispanic last name. And that is absolutely ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to explain to anyone that my ancestors left Spain to help colonize what is now Texas over 400 years ago. Or that my maternal grandmother and her family escaped Nazi Germany when she was an infant and resettled in Texas. Or that our fathers and grandfathers on both sides of our family are Veterans who served this country and some have paid the ultimate sacrifice doing so. Or that we are both highly educated, and are not here illegally, despite the color of our skin. But that’s what I resolved to doing because unfortunately, that is the reality I am living in. But I’ve promised myself that I will no longer be complacent. And because of these results, I am motivated, and will worker harder to support the things I believe in, for all of the people that I believe in.
Thank you for talking about this and please keep it up. We cannot let this become acceptable or normal behavior. As a Muslim raising my not yet 3 year old son here, I have never felt such fear and anxiety. Immigrants like me come to this great land to find safety and equality and respect for the law. We need to continue to have these conversations with our children which will result in raising the change. Now it is our collective responsibility to stand up for injustice, to raise our voices and objections and not let years of progress be taken away from us. We must must come together. Praying for this amazing country.
Write on Ilana! Love your blog and your perspective on how to talk to kids about the world.
Keep leading by example – don’t stoop to the name-calling level – be nice to “everyone” even if they seem to not be nice to you. That’s the most important thing we can teach our children.