Unlike most married couples (or at least unlike the stereotypical version of man woman relationships you usually hear about), Mike is the organized one while I’m the bumbling idiot just trying to make my way through the day without losing track of the children.
Actually, let me be fair to myself for a moment. I am not so much a bumbling idiot as I am a totally normal parent with a lot on my plate who just happens to be married to a control freak with a master sense of logistics.
Mike knows what the kids have on the agenda that day, what subway I need to take to make it to my meeting on time and if Harlow is out of diapers at preschool. Last week, I texted him on the way to the bus that I had forgotten to get a new Metrocard and he texted back that he had already refilled mine and put it in my wallet.
Seriously, if Mike were a Superhero, he would be “On Time Man” or “The Anticipator.”
It is much easier to ask him “What date does Spring Break start again?” or “Is Harlow’s recital on a Saturday or a Sunday?” then it is to check my calendar. Mike has all this knowledge safely stored in his head. To be truthful, I trust Mike’s head more than I trust my own calendar.
The same goes for the weather.
If I check the weather on my phone, it will tell me the temperature and give me an icon to clue me in on whether or not it is going to rain. Whereas, if I ask Mike about the weather, he will say something like, “It’s 40 degrees but it feels like 20 with the wind chill” or “It says it’s going to rain but that’s not going to happen until after 6pm so you don’t need to carry your umbrella” or “It’s sunny outside but the ground is still wet from yesterday so I wouldn’t wear those suede shoes.”
For this reason, I stopped checking the weather a long time ago and just started asking Mike. It appeared that he was doing extra doppler research and making his own predictions as opposed to checking his phone or just putting his trust into our local weatherman. If I’m honest, I trust Mike’s weather analysis way more than I trust Sam Champion.
Like or not (and most of the time I do not), Mike is usually right.
Then, about six months ago, a horrible thing happened. Mike decided that my dependance on him for minor information that I could easily retrieve myself was annoying.
“What’s the weather gonna be like today, Mike?”
“You have an iPhone. Why don’t you check.”
“It says it’s going to be 35 degrees. Does that mean I should wear my down jacket or my wool coat?”
“I don’t want you to blame me if you wear the wrong jacket and end up too cold.”
“But Mike, wardrobe recommendations based on weather analysis is half of what you bring to the table in this marriage!”
“Sorry, babe. I am now off duty. You are on your own.”
For the past few months, almost every morning, we have some version of this weather squabble, mainly because it had become such a habit for me to ask him before checking on my own. Habits are hard to break!
The same goes for after school schedules, weekend plans and parent teacher conference dates. Mike thinks that since we now have a shared family calendar, I should use it. Obviously, it can be trusted since Mike is the one who inputs most of the information.
Still I ask him questions every day as I’m running around to get the kids dressed and out the door. It just seems more efficient than putting Mazzy’s hair on hold to pull out my phone when I know he can shout it out from memory while he’s pouring Harlow cereal.
Then one day a few weeks ago, I woke up to find a piece of paper sitting on the kitchen counter right where I drink my coffee every day.
“Today’s Newsletter” it said across the top. And then underneath in much smaller letters “Now leave me alone so I can get ready and enjoy my morning.”
I think it’s perfect and solves everything. I just need another section underneath the weather entitled “Wardrobe Advice.”