Before I had kids, I was content with having a cleaning person come once every two weeks and pretty much let things go in between. Only a certain amount of dust, crumbs and bathroom grime could possibly accumulate in a single woman’s apartment over that short amount of time. I probably stretched out my bathroom cleaner and my jumbo bottle of detergent a full year before I needed to replenish.

Now, with a husband and two little kids at home, I find myself cleaning up spills, wiping down countertops and spraying our glass coffee table on a daily basis. Otherwise, we would live in absolute FILTH.

So I was very thankful to learn about a new service called ePantry which automatically delivers all my favorite eco-friendly cleaning products before I run out.

How does it know? Their site asks you a few questions about your household and then uses that info to build a customized delivery schedule. This way, you’re no longer stuck on the toilet without toilet paper, texting your husband to grab a roll on his way home. Pretty convenient, right?

Today, ePantry is offering each of my readers a method 50 load laundry detergent FREE in your first order.

But before I get to that, let me explain all the disgusting things my kids do that put me on cleaning defensive at all times. We’re not talking about pulling all the pots out of the kitchen cabinet and leaving them on the floor (which they do as well), we’re talking about the things that require a sponge.

When I brush my teeth, I brush for a decent amount of time and then spit directly down the drain. I turn on the faucet to give the sink a quick rinse and if anyone were to look at the sink right after, there would be no evidence anyone had just brushed. Mazzy, on the other hand, brushes for half the amount of time she should be and then spits as close to the edge of the sink as possible, creating a big blue blotch a full mile from the drain. Merely turning on the water, does not even reach the thick mint substance now solidifying itself to my porcelain. I scrub that blue spot off my sink every single night.

Harlow and Mazzy are both grazers. It’s very hard for them to sit at the table. What they do enjoy, Harlow especially, is carrying their food from the kitchen to the dining area. And by “dining area”, I mean all around the house. This means, we can usually follow trails of yogurt, juice and crackers if we ever misplace our children.  “Oh, she’s over here! I followed the yogurt smoothie drippings!”

As I have mentioned many times before, Harlow is a big fan of waffles. Waffles, unfortunately are always accompanied by syrup. Syrup has a way of migrating off the plate to the table, off the table onto the chair, and finally the floor underneath. It also gets on clothes, meaning Harlow is generally sticky and spreading syrup wherever she goes at all times. And since syrup is sticky, it makes every other substance that gets on the table, chair, floor or Harlow even harder to get off.

There are two potties the kids use. The regular potty in their bathroom and the miniature princess potty. I won’t go into too much detail about what I sometimes find on the seat, but I will say that cleaning out an unflushable potty, even a miniature one, is not my idea of a good time. And no, you definitely can’t wait two weeks for the cleaning person to arrive. The tub is a whole other story. Throwing dirty kids, bubbles and bath wash into one big tub leaves a lovely ring of grayish fuzz that makes you wonder if anybody is even getting clean in there.

Speaking of the potty, Mazzy has this lovely habit of sleeping on top of the covers. She gets under them when we put her to bed, but at some point during the night, she pushes off the covers and lies on top. This is fine, except when she has an accident overnight (which thankfully, hasn’t happened in a while). There is nothing worse than your child calling you into her room in the middle of the night because she peed in bed, and realizing you don’t just have to change and wash the sheets, you have to change and wash EVERY PIECE OF BEDDING within a ten block radius.

No, I’m not talking about the kind that sparkles and makes magical fairy godmothers appear. I’m talking about the dust that accumulates around various princess knick knacks that seem to multiply on a daily basis. And it’s not just the princesses. It’s the My Little Ponies, the woodshop projects, the teacups, the Lego Friends juice bar, etc. all arranged in little people scapes that Mazzy refuses to move. Dusting has never been so complicated.

Mazzy and Harlow both get colds often, as do I. The only difference being that after I use a tissue, I throw it directly in the trash. Mazzy and Harlow like their dirty tissues to keep them company on the couch. During a particularly bad cold season, it is not uncommon to lose my children entirely in a pile of their own Kleenex.

If my children ever tried to steal something, the cops would find them so fast it would be laughable. That’s because they leave fingerprints so defined, you don’t need a black light to see them. We have a clear glass coffee table that after just one afternoon can become disturbingly opaque. We’ve also got a wall of windows that Harlow loves to press her face up against whenever she gets the chance. As a city kid on the 12th floor, I guess that’s the closest she gets to going outside some days.

If glitter is the herpes of craft supplies, then playdoh is syphilis. I’m speaking specifically about those dried little bits that find their way into all corners of my home. Craft projects don’t just create messes; they create messes accidentally glued to the table. Crayons are surprisingly hard to wipe off furniture and paint is something I really would rather not discuss. Then I would have to bring up the Fingerpainting Incident of 2012, that started as a good idea and ended with us needing to repaint our front hallway.

Mazzy and Harlow’s favorite thing to do is pretend to figure skate in their socks. In a way, sock skating is great because it can have the added benefit of picking up unwanted crumbs, playdoh, yogurt, syrup and glitter off the floor. On the other side of the spectrum, it is one of the many many many things my children do that create a ton of laundry.

As I mentioned above, lots more mess means lots more cleaning products. How many times have you gone to tackle a large mess and realized you were down to your last spritz of All-Purpose Cleaner? Parents have so many things to keep track of, they often don’t realize they are out of detergent, until they’ve emptied the hamper into the wash. Which is exactly what ePantry is designed to fix.

ePantry stocks only eco-friendly cleaning products like Method, Seventh Generation and Mrs. Meyers at the best available prices, making it easy and economical to keep both your home and our world super clean.

And let’s be frank. Those products were pretty boring to shop for anyway. If you have a second to go to the store, buy yourself a pair of shoes or something.

If you sign up for ePantry before Friday at 6pm, you will get a method 50 load detergent (typically $15) FREE with any purchase over $20. This offer is exclusively for Mommy Shorts readers and you can get it by clicking here!

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This post was sponsored by ePantry, but all thoughts and opinions are my own. If you have any questions about ePantry you can call their Customer Service Line at  657-444-7837.