Yesterday I posted a link on my facebook page to an article on Yahoo called “10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Kids“. On that list are things I say pretty much every day like “good job”, “be careful” and apparently, the absolute WORST thing you can say to a child, “You’re okay”.

Are you feeling like a terrible parent yet? ME TOO!!!!

After reading, I threw up my hands and claimed I was done with parenting fovever. I had clearly ruined my kids for good. But then everyone on facebook said, “No! Come back! This article is CRAY CRAY!”

Whether the article has good advice or not (there are a few nuggets I suppose I should try), I think the title is somewhat misleading. As one commenter stated, shouldn’t the top ten things you should never say to your kids include, “Fancy a line?”

So. By popular demand, here are my top fifteen things you should REALLY never say to your kids.

1) Let’s all jump off this bridge together as a family!

2) Don’t play ball in the house. Play on the highway.

3) Jamming that Q-tip in your ear as far as possible is totally a good idea.

4) School really isn’t important as long as you are playing lots of video games.

5) I don’t ever want to see you apologize to your sister!

6) You already watched one show, that means you only have 25 left before bedtime.

7) Dream small. If you make your goal becoming a cashier at McDonald’s, you have a much better shot at success.

8) My gun is in the drawer.

9) Your thighs look big in that diaper. We should cut back on milk.

10) Quit being a little bitch!

12) You want to play on my computer? Okay. Let me just pull up all of the good porn.

13) It’s totally fine to beat your brother.

14) Will you stop your tantrum if I buy you a brand new pony?

15) YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!! (point to stretch marks and hideous looking hoo-ha)

Feel free to add your own in the comment section below!