Last week, I made a simple request on the Mommy Shorts fanpage. I asked for all the ridiculous stuff your husbands pulled while you were in labor. You know, the stuff you still hold over his head.
For instance, Mike made me wait in the lobby of our building while he went to get a cup of coffee from the bodega across the street. When they were out (it was 2am after all), HE WAITED FOR THEM TO BREW A FRESH POT.
I was asking in honor of my pregnant sister (aka Dr. B) and planning on posting some watch-outs for my very nervous brother-in-law before the big event. Unfortunately, real life doesn’t always abide by my blogging schedule and sis gave birth last Friday night! (More on my adorable new nephew later this week.)
Judging from the two phone calls I had with Uncle B while she was in labor (one in which he was right by her side at the hospital and the other in which he was buying her a box of popsicles), I’d say he didn’t screw his job up nearly as bad as most of your husbands did.
You all left 237(!) examples of crazy crap your husbands pulled while you were in labor. After reading through all of them (and seriously, YOU SHOULD READ THROUGH ALL OF THEM, the thread might be the best thread ever), I have one question— What about the phrase “9cm dilated” makes men feel the need to abandon their unborn children to buy a sandwich???
From funny to divorce-worthy to I-would-totally-understand-if-your-husband-turned-up-dead, here are 28 of my favorite examples of “Crap Husbands Pull While Their Wives are in Labor”.
I wish I was making them up.
My husband and the doctor talked football the entire time I was pushing. As if I wasn’t even there, In front of them. Having. A. Baby. – Misty
My husband left me, when I was in labor, to go buy a PS3 (it was Black Friday). He will NEVER live that down. -Anne
When the nurses asked how bad the pain was from 1-10 and I said 10, my husband said “oh, come on it can’t be that bad. – Eileen
My husband went duck hunting and forgot to charge his cell phone. I went into labor while he was sitting in the bay, alone in a boat. When he came home and realized I was gone, he assumed I was just shopping or visiting family. So, he took a nap. I was prepped for emergency c-section and we had friends in boats out looking for him in the bay. SEARCH PARTIES. Finally, my Dad called the neighbors across the street to ask them to leave a note on the door of the house. While bringing the note over they saw his truck and had to go bang on our bedroom window to wake my stupid husband up. To this day I can’t even enjoy an episode of Duck Dynasty without wanting to smother him. – Rachell
I was in labor all night and ready to go in the morning. My husband was asleep in the chair and when they woke him up, he walked over to me and said, “My foot hurts.” REALLY? Get this man an epidural. – Michelle
My husband took a conference call on the way to the hospital. He asked me to please give him a signal before I had a contraction (and they were, oh, 90 seconds apart) so he could mute the call in time. I told him to either put the whole call on mute, tell them his wife was in active labor, or (and I strongly encouraged this), NOT TAKE THE DAMN CALL. -Meredith
My husband had ONE job, ONE. He needed to get directions to the hospital. It wasn’t until I went into labor in the middle of the night that I realized he dropped the ball. He tried to Mapquest the directions while driving down the highway and almost killed us. I told him if I missed my epidural window I would end his life. He took one too many wrong turns and we ended up in a dodgy end of town. After I threatened to divorce him 75 times, he finally asked for directions and got his pregnant wife to the hospital still pregnant. -Questionable Choices in Parenting
Mine was an emergency C-section. The husband was just getting off work when we found out I needed the surgery (4 weeks early with twins). We called to tell him to come immediately. He was about 4 minutes from the hospital but after 20 minutes he still hadn’t shown up. Another call revealed him sitting at home, eating a sandwich, and checking on his World of Warcraft “real quick”. -Angelia
My husband went downstairs to charge his phone and call his mom from the car. When I called him an hour later because I was 9 centimeters he said he was at Sam’s buying Tupperware. -Lucy
About 30 minutes after our son was born (a full 24 hours of labor) my husband told me he was going to head home for a bit because he was “exhausted”. – Joanish
My husband grew up on a cattle ranch, and during labor with our first he very confidently announced to the nurse that he wasn’t nervous at all “because I’ve seen this a million times with cows”. -Carrie
My husband rested the magazine he was reading on my legs while I lay dying WITHOUT an epidural. When I kicked it off and yelled at him to get whatever was touching me off, he responded with “it’s just a magazine. What else am I supposed to do?” -Tina
In the delivery room, my husband went into hypoglycemic shock because he hadn’t eaten in 48 hours. He almost passed out and had his own team of nurses and MY midwife helping him. -Tifffany
My husband took so many pictures of himself in the scrubs and mask (obviously super important to document) the camera battery was almost dead when we actually had the baby! I have pictures to prove it. -Stephanie
My husband started throwing up while I was pushing. The nurse ran out of room because she couldn’t handle it. -Lois
I was fully dilated after 18 hours and my husband said “you think you can hold out pushing until I grab some breakfast?” -Sarah
My husband grew this ridiculous goatee and wore a shirt that said TOERAG on it, so he looks ridiculous in all the photos. -Jennifer
We were out to a movie when my contractions started. Since our house is on the way to the hospital, we stopped to get our bags. I waited in the car while my husband went in… 5 minutes go by… 10 minutes… 15!!!!!! He finally comes back as I was about to go investigate (and by investigate, I mean cause bodily harm) and explained that he had food stuck in his teeth so he had been trying to floss it out!!!!!! Yeah. He’s a genius. -Amy
Mine watched TV with his face pressed against the screen because he couldn’t hear it over my pain noises! -Kirsti
My husband asked if he could “borrow one of my pillows”, because his back hurt and I had “too many”. -Parisa
When it was time to go to the hospital, my husband said he needed to shower and shave first. Seriously?? Fine. Then I asked him to wake our 3-year-old and get him ready for daycare. I waddle downstairs expecting everyone to be ready to leave and find them eating waffles and watching cartoons. I’M IN LABOR, PEOPLE!!! -Amy
At 3am, I decided it was time to go and my husband said he was getting up to get ready. I was on the bouncy ball for a half hour waiting and then went to check on him. He had fallen back asleep. -Jessica
My husband unabashedly complained about a canker sore while I was in labor. -Carrie
After I finally agreed to an epidural, the nurse explained that it would feel like a quick little bee sting. When she left, my husband says to me, very sweetly and earnestly, “I’ve had many epidurals, and I just want you to know, it doesn’t feel ANYTHING like a bee sting. It really hurts.” I replied, “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you say that to me in THE THROES OF LABOR? -RealMomofNJ
Mine kicked me out of the car in the ambulance bay 9cm dilated with my bag and left me to traipse across the hospital and up two flights of stairs on my own because he didn’t want to pay for hospital parking. -Kate
Right after my c-section, my husband asked the nurse in the recovery room if he could just lay down on the floor, saying “I promise I won’t be in the way”. -Amber
My husband made me wait for him to finish watching Gladiator after my water broke. -One Funny Motha
While in labor with a placental abruption at 34 weeks, my husband says “I think you should calm down”. -Katie
If you want to read all 237 responses (and YOU DO), click here.
And please feel free to add your husband’s own egregious efforts below.
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My husband is awesome (just had to put that out there before I share my story that he will never live down). My water broke at midnight. I woke my sleeping husband and said, “I think my water just broke.” To which he replied, “Well, get out of the bed!”
It was 3am when I awoke in labor. My bf was up all night playing video games so I walk over to living room to tell him I’m in labor and he gets up and walks to our bedroom and falls asleep. I pace the house for 4 hours and I decide to wake his mother to tell her that I think it’s time. So she slowly wakes up and goes in the shower. When she’s done she wakes my bf and tell him it’s time to go so he wakes up and goes to take a shower. We leave the house and drive to the hospital but before we go to the hospital his mom decides she’s is going to grab a coffee from the drive thru. Then we continue to the hospital. It was now about 9pm and I reached about 7 cm my best friend comes in to the hospital and she says she just came from the movies so my bf looks at me and asks me if he can go to the movies I shout “No!” And then he turns to my sister and says “What?!? I thought I would ask anyways.” My sister just laughed and gave her head a shake! Our 2nd son he missed it because he thought he was there for the first one so he thought he had time to go golf first before the baby came. Needless to say he missed it!
My husband got drunk and stoned on my due date after I asked him not to.Then when I told him I was in labor, he asked if he could go back to sleep and if I could wait a little while longer. I said no, so he drunk drove me to the birth center. It was a natural childbirth with back labor and the whole time he was whining to the midwives about how ill he felt. They didn’t know he was drunk. I pretty much did it all alone, our daughter before this had died after 5 days so I really needed the support. One of the many reasons I will eventually divorce him.
My ex was the same way… It was the same reason why I divorced him. Hope you’re doing better and are happy because you deserve it momma.
I just remember being in SO MUCH FRIGGIN PAIN!!! But after enduring a lengthy a$$ car ride in which my vagina felt each.and.every.single.bump on the road, my husband had the insight to tell me my “attitide was a joykill”. Um…ya…u better run buddy.
The day our 4th child was born my husband’s girlfriend updated her status to ‘in a relationship’ with him which I knew nothing about until months later when my husband knocked her up and had to finally tell me he had been cheating on me.
What an ass. Hope all is well now.
When I told my bf it was time to go to the hospital he said ‘this better be it! I’m tired!!!’ I had a back labor and had been in labor for 3 hours while he slept before this. Then afterwards I got ‘do you know how bad it was for me to see you like that?? It was horrific!’
Then my ‘push present’ was a voucher to a lingerie store along with ‘when are you going to go back to how you looked before’… One day after having our daughter!!!!
Okay, after reading all these stories, I’ve decided that I’m never getting married or letting any guy impregnate me. you ladies are so strong for not divorcing these jacks immediately. Man, if I were a divorce lawyer, I’d be putting my ads up in delivery rooms nd hospitals, targeting women about to deliver!
The gadget makes it easy to prepare something you hardly ever make.
Baseding on a spokesperson from i – Perfect Kitchen, “The Envy Vegetable Spiral Slicer tries to maximize any kind of vegetable. A big salad made from 5-7 of those ingredients would give you a super low calorie snack that would keep you munching and feeling full for a long time.
My husband was playing his video games that I told him to bring so that he didn’t bother me with nonsense. He has a very little attention span. I waa in a lot of pain with back labor was trying to not freak him out screaming. Turned away from him, I calmly asked him (not my mom) if he’d run my back for me. His response was, “Give me a minute. I need to get to a save point.” Needless to say, I lost it!
When I had my son, I learned I would have a C-section, and I decided my husband wouldn’t be in the delivery room. Prior to my C-section my husband was visiting me in the hospital and he freaked out when he learned women screamed during labor. I guess it bothered him, a good thing he wasn’t in the delivery room during the c section. When I had my daughter a few years later, again, I had to have C-section and this time, the labor and delivery was on the different floor, again, my husband wasn’t in the delivery room. I am glad my husband wasn’t there for the deliveries.
The first day after having our daughter, my boyfriend kept begging me to give him head in my rooms bathroom! I wasn’t even discharged from the hospital yet!!! Needless to say, I regret not leaving him to this day
Wow reading there makes me feel like a lottery winner! for our first he stayed the whole 12 hours of labor, our twins he just about missed their birth but his bossy mother made him run home to get the camera, he got into the delivery room seconds before the first twin came out and with our most recent he was awesome again. i tell him he would make an awesome birthing coach lol
I had a C-Section and being nil by mouth for over 12 hours I was starving. Afterwards I had to have a blood transfusion of 2 units due to severe blood loss AND anaemia, which meant I still couldn’t eat and I was so weak and hungry. As this took a while my husband said “I’m going to meet my mum for some lunch and come back when you’ve finished with the blood transfusion!” Because obviously he must have been exhausted!!
My husband, mom, and two sisters left me at the hospital by myself to go eat Japanese food! My favorite food and it was only my second day breastfeeding and my dad was there. Can someone say awkward
My now ex husband, didn’t have his license so I had to drive myself to the hospital after my water broke. While at the hospital, I told him NOT to leave and go smoke a “dubie” (because he smoked weed, which I HATED, part reason why he’s my ex). Not 15 minutes after our daughter was born, he left with his dad to smoke a “celebratory dubie”. I should have left his ass then. Nine years later he’s still an ass smoking and playing video games. Some boys just don’t grow up.
My husband and mom were joint birth coaches, since she had adopted us I wanted her to be a part of the birth experience , but this is from my mom. After not recognizing that I had been in labor (back labor after painful braxton hicks) and 18 and 1/2 hours labor at the hospital, They said it would be a couple of hours when I started to push. They sent my parents who were diabetic to the cafeteria. After one push told my husband you better run and catch them if they want to be here. Mom came back and went into the bathroom to change to her scrubs, but stopped to poop (she said she was too excited) and my husband almost didn’t get his scrubs on and get back out of the bathroom and the poop smell came in too.
Two weeks after my due date, I went into labor, while at home. My husband never came home from running a quick errand that day. I kept calling and paging him, with no response or reply. After hours of pacing, a hot shower, and endless efforts to reach him, I went outside and started the car. It was a snow blizzard in February 🙂 I called the hospital to tell them I was on my way. So, I drove myself to the hospital, in my stick-shift vw, meanwhile my contractions were 90 seconds apart. Upon arriving at the hospital, my water broke, and I began hard labor. Of course, By then, I had missed any opportunity for an epidural because of the lack of time. My daughter was born in under two hours! She is my first and only child. I just laid on my bed, staring at this amazing little being, and embraced how my life would be forever changed. As for my husband, well, he fell asleep after an exhausting night of drinking, at his girlfriends apartment. When news got out that our baby was born, everyone congratulated him, and that’s how he found out he was officially a father, and a soon-to-be ex-husband. And then, there was two 🙂 #husbandoftheyear #epicfaildaddy
after arriving at the hospital at 2am in active labor, my husband kicked back on the couch and just scrolled through Facebook while I’m gripping the bed and groaning through each contraction. So I ask him “what are all your Facebook friends doing right now?” he says “Nothing really, I guess everyone is asleep” to which i respond “any of them HAVING YOUR BABY RIGHT NOW?” He claimed he didn’t think it was “real labor” until I started pushing. men are dumb.
My husband came with me to the hospital with his mother and mine. He was there for about an hour and a half and then announced he was tired and then left. He went home to have a nap. I could have killed him. He came back two hours later as I was literally pushing. He almost missed the birth of his child to have a nap and totally abandoned me during the most painful time of my life. What. An. Ass.
An hour or so after I had my little boy via c-section, stuck in a hospital bed, my husband decided he was hungry. Instead of running to grab something quick he thought he had worked so hard he deserved to go with his mom and her bf to a sit down restaurant and oh, have a couple of drinks. He was gone so long (hours) I had to call him and tell him if he didn’t get back in 15 minutes to not come back period!! He got back and seriously had no idea why I was mad…he said they were just “drinking a couple and talking!” REALLY?!?! I was livid at not only him, but also my extremely inconsiderate mother-in-law for asking him to leave me and his newborn son to go eat with them in the first place!!
Even though some people may not understand the reference, I thought mine was too funny not to share. While I was in active labour, with contractions maybe about 20 seconds apart, and I was probably complaining of dying and “oh why does it have to hurt so much?” and other such things, my husband, probably thinking he was comforting me but not saying it quite right, said “Well, its just women’s curse”. I would have seriously hurt him if I could have moved! But because he was really sorry after saying it, and since he was amazingly supportive otherwise, I forgave him, moved on, and we’ve laughed about it together lots of times. However, just the other week, my husband was ranting about how tired he was and how he was so frustrated that there was never enough time in the day to get everything done (he’s a high school teacher). He was really angry at the time too. Then it hit me, and I couldn’t resist, so I slowly grinned, gave and evil little laugh and said “Well, its just man’s curse”. It felt soooo good to get back at him, lol!
With my first child, i had been determined not to get an epidural. I was induced at 7 a.m. By about 11 a.m., I was having terribly uncomfortable contractions and back labor. My husband was contention watching movies. By 3 p.m. I was in extreme pain loudly moaning with each contraction. My husband decides he’s going to go to best buy to buy a new camera. At 5 p.m. things are only worse labor wise and he’s back with the new camera and trying to show it to me. I have to tell him I really don’t care about the camera. By 7p.m. I can’t take it anymore and I get an epidural. After it kicks in, he asks if he can show me the camera now and I oblige. An hour into pushing and he’s glued to the t.v. watching the season finale of gold rush. Psh.
I went Into labor at 3 in the morning. We left for the hospital at 4. My mother-in-law had to do her hair and makeup before we left so my husband didn’t wanna leave without her. I had the baby all natural and had back labor my mother-in-law told me she didn’t wanna hear my moans of pain because I chose not to have the epidural. When it was time to push I had to put my cold rag on my husband cause he almost passed out. Then him and his family went out for dinner while my mom stayed with me because I kept throwing up (after being pregnant pain makes me nauseous)
Happened to me too. They left so I could have some “alone time”
First of I’ll start by saying I live in South Dakota a half hour away from the hospital. So when I went into labor during a blizzard I was in panic mode. My first labor was short, 5 hours, and I wanted my epidural so with my contractions being 5 minutes apart I tried to rush my husband along. I got my 4 year old ready to go to grandmas and he’s standing in front of our movie stand asking “do we have any good movies to take?” Uhm hello! Let’s go! Lucky we left when we did! Water broke in the hospital parking lot, and my daughter was born 2 hours and 18 minutes later!!
My husband was great for the most part at all three births. Our first he stayed home from work while we watched movies on the couch until I couldn’t stand the pain any more. He loaded the car when my labor started and backed the car into the driveway so I guess could make a fast get-away? LOL Then at the hospital when I was pushing he turned pale white and passed out almost falling on the floor.
My second baby was induced so we napped all morning until just before time to push and this time he knew better than to look what was happening in the nether regions.
My third baby was born in about 2 hours or less and the hospital was an hour + drive from where we were living. 4:30am and the man that has over 20 speeding tickets decides this is the time to not break the law. Eventually I start screaming at him to run the lights on the deserted highway and put the petal to the metal. The funniest part was when we were making a left onto and interstate and I yell, I don’t think I’m going to make it to the hospital!!! What are we going to do?! He leans over to the driver’s side door cubby and pumps some hand sanitizer and lathers it up. Then seriously says, “ok I can do this. It’s going to be ok.” ha! He was serious! But luckily we made it to the hospital with 15 minutes to spare. By the time he parked the car and brought in our 1 and 3 year old, I was pushing and screaming at the poor ladies(nurses and doctors and other audience members) that had congregated at my hooha and POP out comes baby #3. whew! That was a crazy ride.
My husband and I have a few months till baby gets here, but I can’t imagine… I know he will probably be late and almost miss it and I’ll probably spend a good majority of time trying to convince him to leave Academy. He was late to our ultrasound last week. :/
I’ve never had children…but ladies, I would be happy to do the deed and drop kick these schmucks off a cliff, so that you and your kiddos could get the insurance.
Although…
what possessed you to marry these brain trusts? Pity? Bribery?
When we arrived at the hospital, he got out of the truck and headed to the door, leaving me to climb out on my own just as the contractions ramped up. I have a fairly high tolerance to pain, so I just stopped, squatted a bit, and started my breathing exercises. He comes out with “I dunno. I’m not sure this is really labor, you’re not in much pain. I’ve delivered almost 20 babies (as an EMT) and those mothers all yelled a lot more.”
My water broke with my first and we rushed out the door and almost forgot the bag. My husband went home to rest (since he refuses to do any “dirty” baby stuff). My mom stayed with me in the hospital. With our second, I had been having on and off contractions all day and they were finally close enough together by around 9 PM to go to the hospital. We get there and I am 3 cm, and my husband goes home to go to sleep (the hospital is 30 minutes away). We called him when he had just laid down to tell him I was 8 cm and that he needed to get back. He got there JUST as the doctor did (they didn’t call her until I was 8 cm either…she wasn’t even warned someone was in labor). Both without an epidural and he makes it seem like it was all too easy. (4.5 years later and he still hasn’t changed a single diaper).
You should all blame yourselves for marrying losers and deadbeats. I had the car packed with the “go” bag, plan in place, engine running when my wife says go. BTW, her water broke at 3:00 AM, made her breakfast, she ate it and decided to get a few more hours sleep. Woke up around 7 and went to the hospital. Never left her side the whole time, to include two days of recovery. You all chose…poorly. Blame yourselves.
When I was in labor with my first child, I requested an epidural as soon as I was admitted. The guy putting in the epidural and hubby decided to talk Shark Week (it was the first day of shark week) instead of doing his darn job. I’m sitting there, bent over, having contractions, and hubby won’t shut his yap long enough for the guy to do his job!
Second child, my water breaks but contractions were mild so we were in no rush. Got showered and out the door, called our friends to help us with the now toddler (kid from above) I haven’t eaten anything since dinner the night before. We are in the hospital all day (starting at 0730). It’s dinner time and because my eternal broke but I wasn’t dilating they gave me petosin to help things along. I almost missed the epidural this time because dialated so fast with the petosin. He gives me his hand to squeeze while I’m waiting for te epidural and he look at the nurse and asks for the doctor as he thinks I broke his hand. Luckily for merge nurse just stared at him like he was stupid and said some encouraging words to me….
my husband of 9years left me just because i could not give him A child, i did all i could to make sure i give him a child, i even went to an extent of forcing him to have sex with me every night but could not work. not untill one evening when i was browsing through the internet, i saw a comment on how a woman in same problem like mine was made home by A man called Dr onofe. i read about him and decided to contact him for help, i did as he ask me to do but i was still wondering how can someone just bring back my love he don’t even know but i keep doing as he ask me to do. i was very surprise one morning my husband came and started begging me to come back to his life. at first i pretend to be angry then i accepted him back. Dr onofe also cast a spell for me to make me have children and as i speak right now i am a mother with 3kids. if there is any one out there who needs his help you can contact him through his personal EMAIL: onofetemple@yahoo. or website: http://onofetemple.wix.com/http i wish you good luck
my husband of 9years left me just because i could not give him A child, i did all i could to make sure i give him a child, i even went to an extent of forcing him to have sex with me every night but could not work. not untill one evening when i was browsing through the internet, i saw a comment on how a woman in same problem like mine was made home by A man called Dr onofe. i read about him and decided to contact him for help, i did as he ask me to do but i was still wondering how can someone just bring back my love he don’t even know but i keep doing as he ask me to do. i was very surprise one morning my husband came and started begging me to come back to his life. at first i pretend to be angry then i accepted him back. Dr onofe also cast a spell for me to make me have children and as i speak right now i am a mother with 3kids. if there is any one out there who needs his help you can contact him through his personal EMAIL: onofetemple@yahoo. or website: http://onofetemple.wix.com/http i wish you good luck
ff
my husband of 9years left me just because i could not give him A child, i did all i could to make sure i give him a child, i even went to an extent of forcing him to have sex with me every night but could not work. not untill one evening when i was browsing through the internet, i saw a comment on how a woman in same problem like mine was made home by A man called Dr onofe. i read about him and decided to contact him for help, i did as he ask me to do but i was still wondering how can someone just bring back my love he don’t even know but i keep doing as he ask me to do. i was very surprise one morning my husband came and started begging me to come back to his life. at first i pretend to be angry then i accepted him back. Dr onofe also cast a spell for me to make me have children and as i speak right now i am a mother with 3kids. if there is any one out there who needs his help you can contact him through his personal EMAIL: onofetemple@yahoo. or website: http://onofetemple.wix.com/http i wish you good luck
xd
Mine brought a zero gravity chair and a cooler like it was a damn tailgate party LOL
With our first I was in labor for 20 hours. My husband called his parents when we had been at the hospital for 12. They showed up with the whole family and I still had 8 hours to go. I had an epidural so therefore a catheter. My husband took great pride in punting out to his family every time I peed. I still want to smack him for it.
I was sleeping downstairs, crawled up the stairs because I was having back labor and when I told him I wasn’t feeling good he asked me to call my parents to pick me up and take me to the hospital. He arrived the next morning a few hours before I pushed my baby girl. I was 41, and having my surprise and last baby.
My husband was asleep. I slept downstairs so I wouldn’t disturb him. I crawled up the stairs because the pain so was bad. I was having back labor. I told him I needed to go to the hospital. He asked me to call my parents. I had to crawl back downstairs. Call my parents to pick me up. I sat on a bench waiting for them, while my husband of 15 years slept in our bed. My father was half asleep driving me to the hospital. My husband arrived the next morning right before I had to push. This happened with our last baby and a high risk pregnancy. I was 41 years old. Actually, he did the same thing with my son ten years prior. Horrible.
When I was in labor with our first child unable to catch my breath my husband said “Come on it can’t be that hard,” so I was like “Yeah you try pushing a tiny human out of your body” and he had the nerve to go get popcorn and put on the redskins game. With our second and third children twins when my water broke at three in the morning he asked for ‘five minutes’ to get a bag with clothes I was on the bouncy ball for thirty minutes when I went to check oh him he was asleep and at the hospital he asked me if I could lower my volume so he could hear what was happening on the movie and when I screamed at him to get to my side he pressed his ears against the TV.
And with our fourth child he gave me his hand to hold onto finally after two contractions he asked MY MIDWIFE to see if his hand was broken and give him an epidural just before the baby’s head was out SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN!!!
Also at one point in labor the nurses asked what my blood type was he was like “36C” so I was like “Get your damn mind out of the bedroom, I’m in labor here” he was like “I’m a man not a monkey”
My ex-husband dropped me off at the hospital while I was in labor and said he was just going to run back to the car to grab my overnight bag. What he actually did was go out to lunch by himself because he wasn’t “really sure the hospital food was going to be any good” and he didn’t know when he could expect a decent meal again. He got his milk shake to go and drank it in front of me as I was getting my vitals and admissions done… while I was in labor.
My story isn’t about my husband, but is instead the story of what my father did to my mom when I was about to be born. My mom started contracting regularly in the late evening, but since her doctor told her it’d be a while still, she and my father decided to finish watching the mini series they were in the middle of. Then my dad had to get ready (full shower and shave). When they got to the hospital, my father realized he had forgotten his cigarettes, so he dropped my mom off at the main entrance and drove home to get them. Problem was, the front entrance wasn’t open because it was 11:30 at night, so my mom had to walk all the way around the hospital to the E.R.
I should mention this was in Ohio. In January. And it was really windy.
The orderlies got her up to the maternity ward, got her all prepped , and her doctor walks in with a HUGE book, and tells her it’ll still be a while….. I was born a couple minutes later. Ass first. My dad hadn’t even made it back to the hospital yet.
I had been in labor for 28 hours. We spent most of that time in the hospital. I took a drug induced nap and woke up pushing. I pulled the little string (which evidently means someone is dying) and nurses descended upon my hospital bed. My husband was asleep on the chair-bed thing next to my bed. After poking and prodding and attempting to find the baby’s heartbeat in every single position they could put me in, the nurse said “we need to get the baby out, right now”. I said “Honey, wake up. I’m having a baby”. So he did.
15 minutes into Xena Warrior Princess type pushing, my husband says “I’m gonna go call your mom, I’ll be right back”. I gripped his hand like I was planning to break it and said “The F*&K you are!! I’m pushing for F&$K’s sake!” He says “She said to call her when it was time….it’s time”. I said “It’s an hour long ride and it’s 3:30am, she can’t get here in time anyway. YOU are going to stand here and hold my god dammed hand!” So he did.
At 33 weeks, I went into labor at 4am. Tried to wake up my husband, but he kept rolling over and saying that he was tired and wanted to sleep for a bit longer. When he finally woke up, he said that he couldn’t leave the house until he had shaved and had a shower. Finally got to the hospital 2 hours later and had the babies by emergency C-section within 30 minutes. After the babies were born, he refused to stay at the hospital because it was too noisy and he thought he would sleep better at home. Can’t believe we’re still married.
when my sons head was crowning, my boyfriend asked me why the kid was black….mind you, my baby had a head full of black hair…and he saw that and assumed my baby was black…like i cheated on him or somthing…. and he was to wussy to cut the chord too…
When my water broke, it was instant labor.. Back to back powerful contractions.. We live 40 min from the hospital and as we were getting ready to walk out the door, my husband asked if I could drive..
Mine kept going outside to “get some air”. Turns out he was taking shots from a bottle of alcohol he had put in the trunk. I was amazed at how relaxed he was, turns out he had some help. 🙂
My husband electrocuted me with the TENS machine (which he “didn’t need” instructions for).
THREE TIMES.
After my water broke, trickle not sloosh, I asked my husband to go get me some pads…he came back with the smallest pad possible and then was annoyed when I sent him to the store two more times finally yelling “DEPENDS!!!”….he then told me to stop swearing during the throes of my non-epidural contractions because he thought I was offending our nurses.
This happened to a woman I consider my daughter. Her SO came to the hospital, took a shower in the hospital bathroom, lay down on the floor and took a nap, then when hit was time for her to push, left.
After quietly labyrinth all night in the hospital, with the hubs only awake for the epidural placement, the doc was checking me when he woke up. Doc said I was fully dilated and it was time to start pushing. My hubs looked at me in fear and at my doc as he said, but I haven’t had any coffee yet! I knew the consequence of this could be ugly, and apparently my doc read that on my face. She told him that he would probably have time to go grab one before the baby was delivered because it was my first. He ran right out of that room, and lucky for him he was back before our son was born. I’m sure the nurses laughed at that!!
after quietly laboring all night in the hospital, with the hubs only awake for the epidural placement, the doc was checking me when he woke up. Doc said I was fully dilated and it was time to start pushing. My hubs looked at me in fear and at my doc as he said, but I haven’t had any coffee yet! I knew the consequence of this could be ugly, and apparently my doc read that on my face. She told him that he would probably have time to go grab one before the baby was delivered because it was my first. He ran right out of that room, and lucky for him he was back before our son was born. I’m sure the nurses laughed at that!!
My wonderful husband decided to eat potato salad for supper the night I went into labor. It doesn’t sit well with him. While I was laboring, he continually passed the WORST gas for hours. When the nurses would come in to check on me they would make terrible faces because they were so repulsed. Then, right before my sweet little baby was about to emerge, my husband yelled, “Wait, don’t push! I need to change the channel to ESPN so that he comes out to sports.”
After 24 hours of labor(him sleeping through 8 hours) an hour into two hours of pushing, he sat down because “his legs hurt from standing so long”. Then my mom told me I was mean for calling him a stupid F… He’s lucky I was that nice.
In Sweden they have a breakfast break at 9:00 a.m. The 9 o’clock hour rolls around and the nurses offer him breakfast. Maybe 5 minutes after he received his coffee, I go into full labor. He’s sitting on a chair holding my hand as a scream in pain because the anesthesiologist didn’t get to me in time to put an epidural in, so I did things all natural. However, in between contractions he’s sipping on a cup of coffee and eating a breakfast sandwich.
My dh asked “could I speed things up”. The nurses offered to take turns beating the crap outta him.
And he needed coffee,so he left the hospt! Because his office was close by. He arrived just before I pushed our daughter out. 18 years later and I’ve NEVER let him forget it!
Number 1 Son: The (now ex-) husband drove home from work on fumes, ahead of a rare predicted snowstorm in Atlanta. Naturally, I went into labor overnight. I let him sleep until the time his alarm would normally have gone off, we loaded up the car and stopped for gas, and drove to the hospital. While I was in labor – 21 and a little scared, with no one else at the hospital because my family lived four+ hours away – he pulled out the sleeper sofa in the birthing suite and took a nap. Finally, my mother arrived at the hospital, having followed snowplows into town, and marched down to the nurse’s station to demand that someone come see about her daughter and impending grandson. Oops! There was a mix-up at the doctor’s office, the doctor forgot to tell the midwife that I was at the hospital, the nurses at the hospital had mostly overlooked me, thinking that the midwife would be there any minute, etc. The midwife finally rushed into the room around ten a.m., while I was begging for pain relief. She washed up, examined me, and apologized: “Honey, I’m sorry, there won’t be time for that,” then barked over her shoulder “GET THIS ROOM READY NOW!” We had a beautiful red-haired boy (with a head the size of a soccer ball!) before 10:30 am. If my mom hadn’t been there, I guess I’d have delivered by myself, because my poor husband was too tired to handle those five hours between arrival at the hospital and the birth of his son!
My husband was amazing compared to all these but when I got to the hospital (my mom drove me and my husband was waiting there) he stopped right in front of the car in the middle of the street and tryed to pull me out. He was so nervous, poor thing. Finally my friend pulled him away and let us reach the hospital.
My darling husband was scheduled to go to a Metallica concert when I had an had complications with preeclampsia and had to be induced 4 weeks early. The whole time he was telling me to hurry up because then he could still make the concert in time……
After 12 hours of labor, 2.5 hours of pushing out a baby that was posterior, and our son being rushed to the NICU with a tear in his lung….my husband asked me (as he laid on the couch watching TV) to get up out of the bed and look for something in his overnight bag so he could shower. He’s actually a great man…but damn.
I called my husband at work at 7:30 in the morning to tell him my water broke. It was supposed to be a planned csection an my doctor is 45mins away because we moved during my 3rd trimester for his job. I call him again at 8:30 when he never showed up. Again an hour later. He tells me to call a cab and go to the local hospital (I am at home with our 3yr old and no car). When I remind him I have no cash he tells me it’s not that far I can walk…..yeah. Finally came home at 12:30. Got to the hospital by 1:30 and was immediately rushed to the OR. Our daughter was born at 2:38pm.
I hadn’t slept for two days and I was finally able to take my daughter home from the hospital after giving birth. My husband was driving us home and pulled into the beer store parking lot and said, “mind if I stop to get some beer?”. Yes I do mind! I just had a baby and I want to go home and rest!
My husband was so stressed during the pushing stage of labor and delivery. He leaned against the wall for a moment and covered his face with his hands. The doctor says to me, “Are you okay?” My husband looks up and responds, “I think so. This is rough.” I say to my husband, “He’s asking ME if I am okay. Not YOU!!!!”
See, that’s why we men would rather be out boiling water, or splitting wood for the fire.
We are action oriented, and just hate the role of passive bystander.
We want to do something to make the hurt stop, but there is absolutely nothing we can do, so we go off on silly bugger tangents instead!
😀
As I was pushing out my 10 lb 6 oz son, dying because the epidural failed to work, my husband leans in and says “don’t worry, the next time won’t be so bad” The nurse, bless her, pointed right in his face and said “you need to shut the hell up, right now!” If I hadn’t of had a death grip on the rails of the hospital bed I would have punched his teeth out and high fived her.
The hospital was an hour away from where we lived. About half way there, my husband pulls over to the side of the road to “stretch his legs” because they hurt so bad while I was in full blown labor!!! Will never let him live it down!!
After I had a c-section mine went to his mother’s house to fix her curtains that took him all day!!! All day he left me in the hospital!!!
My husband is lucky he’s still alive. During a contraction I grabbed his hand and squeezed it…he yelped and told me; “Ow! That HURTS!” I think even the nurse wanted to slap him. Then after pushing for over 5 hours they decided to give me a C-section, when the nurses left the room, my husband sat down in the overstuffed chair, looked at me (as I’m laying there all sweaty, red faced, panting) and said: “Wow.. I’m beat.” REALLY?!??!
My husband ran to work really quick before my scheduled induction. We were late to the hospital because he had a few things to take care of first, the doctor beat us there and was waiting for us!
With baby #2 he complained of being cold the entire time I was in labor and complained about being exhausted and needing a nap. Baby was born at 8am and he was sleeping my 7 pm because he was so tired from not sleeping!
At the peak of my labor pains (can literally only move a finger because every bit of me hurt), I pointed to a cup of ice. To a normal person, this means “please get me an ice chip”. To my husband, it meant “pull my finger”. Do he did. And he was serious.
Baby #1, hubby and my L&D nurse sat and discussed all the take out optoons in front of me when I hadn’t had anything to eat in 13+ hours. Baby #2, the day after my c-section, hubby had to go get #1 then go to the airport to get my Mom. After they all stopped to see me and the baby, hubby took them home. After a few hours, I called home to find out why he hadn’t come back. Found out he was out cutting back blackberry bushes in the HOA common area (not even our yard). When he called me back he said that he needed some fresh air after being “cooped up in the hospital”. At this point I was still confined to bed because I still had a catheter, I had to call the nurse every time the baby needed to be picked up out of the bassinet or have his diaper changed, etc. I would have been happy if I could have just gotten out of that damn bed!
My nurses turned on movies for me to watch since it was taking so long for full labor. When it came time to push, we were watching Gone in Sixty Seconds. I told my husband I had to push and needed help holding my knees back. He had the nerve to say “Just wait a minute, I want to see the rest of this movie.” Needless to say I pushed him off the bed and used the laughing to help push the baby out.
I was in hard labor and had been given my epidural when my hubby decided to step out for breakfast. I assumed he wouldn’t be gone long, so I settled in to try and get some rest. An hour later, I’m in intense pain and I cannot find the remote with the nurse call button as it had apparently fallen off the bed. I couldn’t turn in bed to try and find it thanks to the epidural. 15 minutes later, he rushes in saying he heard someone yelling in the hallway only to realize it was me. Explained that I couldn’t find/reach the call button remote, he said I should have stopped yelling like a crazy person. Was complete and had the baby less than 30 minutes later
I woke mynow ex- husband up at 2 a.m. because I was in labor and he asked me to brew him a pot of coffee so he could wake up.
My husband took a sleep aid right before my labor started. I had no idea the whole time! He was very quite and calm,but I just thought it was cause he was scared! He told me 24 hours later!
My husband was playing video games when I went into labor. His reply when I told him it was time to go to the hospital; “Okay, hang on, let me finish this level.” Seriously! I’m having a baby here, people!
While i was pregnant with my first child, my husband was actually cheating on me with a coworker. I found out when i was about 7 months along, and when i asked then if he loved her he answered that he didn’t know. Then i asked if he still loved me and he didn’t answer. I stayed with him after that because i was pregnant and felt i had no choice. Fast forward two awful months later and i was induced into labor. I went home after they applied the cream to induce me but two hours later i was having regular contractions. He drove me to the hospital and, on the way, he says: ‘i thought i was going to be nervous and exited when the time came to do this, but i feel absolutely nothing. No emotion at all’. Needless to say, i felt really horrible.
So i go into the hospital and they connect me to the baby monitor. He says he is going to step out a moment to see who is waiting outside (family waiting for the baby to be born) and he disappears for like an hour or more (calling the mistress and being social with his relatives there i suppose) leaving me alone in the room having contractions and asking everyone to tell my husband to come the fuck back with me into the maternity room where he is supposed to be. I am not progressing because my baby had the cord around her waist. And they take me for a c section. He finally shows up to see me go into the O.R. needless to say he destroyed my experoence of my first child being born.
After disappearing for 2 hours to play World of Warcraft, my husband said condescendingly during pushing “if you just pushed harder this would go faster.” 3 hours later, after failing a vaccuum and needing an emergency c section, I met our 9 pound baby.
8cm dilated and he goes to grab a beer and bite to eat at a nearby restaurant with his brother.
When my SIL was about to start pushing my brother decided it would be a perfect time to leave to go take care of the dogs…. Our mom, who was in the delivery room with them, would not allow him to leave luckily but it’s like, really??!!?!! Apparently he can’t handle this kind of stuff and didn’t even want to be in the room for the second child’s delivery but they made him anyway of course.
With my first child, after confirming my water was indeed broken and getting settled in the hospital room, I sent my husband home to pack a bag for me and him. I hadn’t packed yet because I was still 4 weeks from my due date. We lived 10 minutes from the hospital and it took him over an hour to get the bag. Then after being in labor like 10 hours or so and finally getting an epidural, he decides he needs to take a shower because it’s been over 24 hours since he had one and who knows how long this is gonna take (yeah he actually said that). He heads home and and my doctor comes in to check me. She decides something is wrong and needs to do an emergency C-section. My mom and I take turns calling him and calling him. 30 minutes later the nurse says if he’s not here in 10 minutes he’s not going into the OR. He finally answers and makes the 10 minute cut off. Geez! With our second daughter, my water broke the day before my scheduled c-section at midnight. They check me in and wheel me into the OR. When I finally get to my room after having surgery and our family leaves, he turns to me and says, “why do our babies have to come in the middle of the night? Why couldn’t she have waited 5 hours? Now I’m so exhausted because I didn’t get any sleep”. Right, because you worked through 2 hours of contractions and major surgery all night and I’m sure you’ll be getting up in the middle of the night while your guts feel like they are falling out to care for the baby. (Sarcasm). I hope he felt my death stares while he snored on the pull out in my room.
So… in the big state of Texas while my family loves in Iowa about to embark on a beautiful journey… ah hell who am I kidding. 18 hours into labor while I look over during a contacting and what do I see with my wandering eye.. yes, the sperm donor having his hair braided by another woman and if that isn’t bad enough as they are wheeling me into my c-section he almost missed it because he wanted to go smoke PCP. Yes. I am sure you’re asking “why the hell was in with him?” Well if you have ever been in a mentally abusive relationship do you realize how bad it really is when you finally are able to get out. My child was a blessing and really saved my life by opening my eyes to the truth. Needless to say, we are both healthy and raising each other day by day. I learn as much from her as she does me.
My husband…….MISSED OUR DAUGHTERS BIRTH. He’d went home to change clothes (taking the advice of the nurse and my mother that it would be later in the afternoon before I’d deliver). Having his phone still on silent from the night before, he didn’t know my mom was calling to tell him to get back NOW. I had went from 3cm to complete in less than 45 minutes. He walked in less than a minute after she was born. My mom had just cut the cord. Every woman in the room (all 18 of them….I allowed nursing students to observe) all turned their heads to him as he strolled in. All you can see is him mouth “oh f&@?”. NEVER going to live that down.
After having contractions ALL DAY with our third I finally felt it was time to go in at 1am. I woke up hubby to tell him and we agreed he would stay home with the other 2 until he knew I was admitted. After getting to the hospital and having to walk (yes, walk!) for an hour with excruciating contractions in an effort to turn her and get her off my spine, I started texting and calling him. He needed to call my mom and get to the hospital. After no luck getting a hold of him I called my mom to go to our house to relieve him. After an hour, he finally texted back. He missed all my calls cause he went back to sleep. When he finally showed up, he had mc Donald’s in his hand and he proceeded to eat and watch movies on his laptop!!!!
We were on our way back to the ER for a second time, after being sent home because there weren’t enough beds in the ER. I am in active labor with our third child. I am having contractions hard and heavy every two minutes. He asks me if the groaning I’m doing is for real or am I putting it on. If we were not driving he’d be dead right now.
My husband and ine of the nurses struck up a conversation about his having delivered numerous calves over the years. He told her he was half tempted (and mostly joking) to go get the chain from his truck and help me out…as I was trying to push our daughter out.
He also told me he was going to keep holding my leg up even when I wasn’t having a contraction so that I wouldn’t be tempted to take a break.
In spite of that, he has been a wonderful daddy to our almost 4 year old.
So mine, after reminding him for an hour before leaving, forgot his credit card to pay for parking. Told me to get back in and drive home to get it. (We lived 30 minutes each way, away…. Um no!)
Then while pushing, starts laughing and says “your face is so purple, it’s hilarious.” When I then looked at him and said “I really dislike you right now.” My nurse proceeds to say “hey sweetie it takes two to tango.” I wanted to accidentally kick her in the face.
Then not even 2 minute after pushing our daughter out, I get a “oh hey so and so are stopping by.” Right as I’m delivering the placenta, HE walks in. And then says “wow I never want to get a chick pregnant, you look rough” thank you all for your comments. I hope my 42hrs of labor amused you. He will never live those three things down. Even as separated parents, I will never let him live them down.
With my first child, my EX-husband, left me multiple times while I was in labor for 53 hours. I was induced after and abnormal bleed at my first cervical check. (Doc stuck his fingers in and blood just gushed out everywhere like someone had just dumped a gallon of Kool-aid on the floor.) My EX left me, in labor, to go eat lunch with his friends, to go play video games, to go buy Magick cards, to sleep in “his own bed” at his mother’s house, etc. He was there for the birth, which cause sever vaginal trauma cause they vacuumed my son out instead of letting me push and he told me to “lighten up.” I nearly fucking killed him when I was able to walk again. He learned his lesson with number 2. I told him I would castrate him and make him eat the remains if he even looked like he was thinking of leaving my side. (I still got rid of him after the birth of baby 2 cause our whole relationship was just like my labor with my 1st.)
So my husband at all three of my births all c-section fell asleep up until he had to put on his scubs and believe me being in pain and not dailating HURTS the first time I kept snaking him to wake him up hello scared and in pain by the third I was expecting it and took pictures as proof oo and my three kids are all about 15-17 months apart
When I was finally dilated enough to push after 30 hours of labor, my husband had the nurse stall me so that he could go outside and have a smoke.
We were booked in for an induction at 11am so woke up at 9 to get to the hospital in time. We weren’t induced until 2pm and after lots of walking around my waters broke at 1.30 am and the labour pains were coming thick and fast. At 2am my husband announced that he was going to lay down and have sleep as he was knackered! Needless to say 3 years later we are now separated….twat.
After 10+ hours of labor and more than 24 hours of an empty stomach, my husband decided it would be OK to head down to the cafe and bring up a delicious blueberry muffin and giant coffee. For himself. To eat right next to my delivery bed.
While in transition, fully dilated & ready to push, we realized the camera was accidentally left in the car. My ex husband rushed out to grab it, & came back TWO HOURS LATER, & completely missed the birth. Why? His mom had called, & needed a diet coke, so he ran to the store, then across town to deliver it. O.o
Another time, HE wasn’t feeling well, so went to sleep. The little kids had gone to their grandma’s, but my 11yo stayed with me. Labor progressed super fast, & we couldn’t wake him up to drive me to the hospital. My 11yod helped deliver her baby brother…. on my bed, while my ex snored loudly beside us.
Btw, I’m happily remarried, to an amazing, loving man. Ha.
My water broke at 1am. My husband hears me cleaning up and finding new clothes and asks what’s wrong. I explain my water broke! His reply “Do I have to get up now?” when I explain not yet he asks me to wake him at 5am so he can call into work! Once at the hospital I wasn’t having strong enough contractions so I had to be started on Pitocin. 11 Hours of labor later all natural as I’m getting ready to push I check in with him to see how he’s doing. His reply “I don’t know what your complaining about, I did all the hard work 9 months ago!” I thought my midwife was going to take care of him for me! Yet you should have heard him whine about the Vasectomy!
After my 2nd and 3rd children my hubby decided that he was exhausted and took a nap while I struggled with the newborns. The worst was that I was in labour for 35.5 hrs with our son and spent 2.5 hrs pushing but yeah the hubby was exhausted. And he was snoring so loud. I almost smothered him with his pillow!!!
My ex husband left to get something to eat and that’s all it took to relax me and I went to 10 centimeters. They had to page the entire hospital “MR. ____ PLEASE RETURN IMMEDIATELY TO MATERNITY, IMMEDIATELY!!!!!” He came back with the cheeseburger still in his hand.
Mine wasn’t my husband, but my mother. They had tried to induce me twice over 3 days as I was having contractions but not dilating. My husband had been awake with me most of the time not resting very much especially since he didn’t have any kind of pull out chair or anything, just a regular chair. We’d both been awake nearly three days with them drawing my blood every 4 hours. My husband finally lined up the three chairs in the room and stretched out across them. He had just managed to get a little comfortable when my mom came in and practically stole one of the chairs out from under him and curled up in it. We didn’t particularly want her in there. My bff came in and saw this, went out and told the nurse to have her leave. The nurse did. Told her she needed to go home because they wouldn’t be doing anything until the next day, if they did anything. Mom started crying and said, “I just wanted it to be him (referring to my husband) then her then me that holds him (my son). Thing is, we don’t even spend much time with her, not really all that close. I’m almost closer to my husband’s parents than I am to her especially because she lives so far away. His parents had done so much for us throughout the pregnancy so we wanted them there more than her really.
My Husband wasn’t there for our first child’s birth (deployment – not mad, he was on the phone the whole time. It’s a great story) and because of that he was not going to miss the birth of our second. So when I called him at work Screeching at him to call his mother to come get our soon to be oldest child he didn’t stumble much (he did have to have a co-worker translate my screams on the phone from across the room – but hey I was pissed! I just put the oldest in the tub and my water broke in true Karmic fashion.) 15 minutes later his mother took our now dressed oldest, and his father took me to the hospital. Enroute we spotted my husband hurtling up the exit ramp towards us – he made a 45 minute trip in 25 – didn’t see us and preceded to go as fast as he could to the hospital, beating us there by 5 minutes. His one and only moment of stupidity was waiting for the doc to decide if we should have an emergency C-section or attempt a natural birth. My husband is in Information Technology, so the Hospital’s wireless network was too tempting. In a few minutes on his phone he was able to get into the secure side of the hospital’s network, where he found two things out: 1) patient data was protected properly as outlined with Hipa, 2) everything else was not. Great, you want to present your findings in a damn report to the hospital staff or join me in surgery?
Payback got him good though, he was brought in to hold my hand, cut the cord, and greet our new baby. He nearly passed out when he glanced at the baby before they whipped off all the birthing gunk, and wouldn’t stop shaking till I was brought back to my room 2 hours later.