Although Dr. B (our early childhood development specialist) has been noticeably slacking/super busy these days, because she is also my sister, I'm able to ask for advice under the guise of a friendly chat about her niece.
Below is a transcript of a phone conversation between Dr. B and myself concerning my recent issues with putting Mazzy to sleep. Well, it's more of an approximation of the conversation since I did not actually record it. Just be thankful it's not a reenactment of the transcript from an approximation of our conversation because that would be ridiculous. (Or so said the actors and camera people I asked to film it.)
PHONE CONVO TRANSCRIPT APPROXIMATION
ME: I'm having trouble putting Mazzy to sleep.
DR. B: Why? What's happening?
ME: She makes me read her a million books, she tries to escape the room, she stalls like crazy and then she won't let me put her down to sleep.
DR. B: What do you mean— she won't 'let you' put her down to sleep? Isn't she in a crib?
ME: Yes…
DR. B: So can't you just put her in the crib?
ME: No. After we finish reading, I need to rock Mazzy so that she relaxes. But she fights me and arches her back and—
DR. B: Wait. I don't understand. Why are you rocking her?
ME: I just told you. To get her to relax before bed.
DR. B: But it's NOT relaxing her, right?
ME: Well, it does eventually. She just has to give into it.
DR. B: Have you thought that maybe she's trying to tell you she doesn't like the rocking?
ME: She does like the rocking. It's when I sing to her.
DR. B: Mmhm.
ME: What?
DR. B: I think it's YOU who likes the rocking.
ME: It's not me. It's part of our bedtime routine. After we finish reading, I hold her while I rock and sing to her.
DR. B: How are you holding her?
ME: Like, cradling.
DR. B: You're standing and cradling her?
ME: Yes…
DR. B: Mazzy's too old for cradling. Just put her in the crib. She's not a baby anymore!
ME: What? No. She loves the rocking and the cradling. If I put her in the crib, then she'll just ask me to rock her.
DR. B: So, then why don't you put her in the crib and wait for her to ask you? If the goal is for you to rock her…
ME: THE GOAL IS FOR HER TO GO TO BED.
DR. B: Are you sure?
ME: YES!!!
DR. B: Well, if you are not comfortable just putting her in the crib, why don't you try rocking her without cradling her? Just hold her like you do normally.
ME: Okay, fine. But she's not going to like it.
————-
That night, Mazzy fought me when I picked her up but as soon as she realized I wasn't going to force her into a cradling position, she relaxed. I swayed and sang with her legs wrapped around my waist and her head resting on my shoulder.
I have always loved the weight of my baby's head on my shoulder.
This works, I thought.
Dr. B is brilliant.
————-
It continued to work for the next few nights.
Then, at bedtime less than one week later, I finished reading Mazzy her books, hoisted her onto my hip, was three words into my lullaby when—
"Go in crib."
What?
"Go in crib."
Song cut short, I placed Mazzy in the crib.
Per her request.
————-
Same thing happened the next night.
And the next.
Apparently, Mazzy is indeed too old for cradling.
And rocking.
And lullabies.
————-
Last night, I went straight from reading her bedtime stories to placing her directly in the crib.
"Night night, Mommy."
With that, I smiled a sad smile, swept the hair away from her eyes, kissed her forehead and said, "You know your aunt sucks, right?"
Oh geez. I hate your sister too. Fast forward 5 months and I’m gonna be bawling my eyes out.
I kinda wish your sister’s mine – free advice and all.
Sorry to the end of rocking and singing – but be glad she’s happy to go to sleep. So many kids fight it!
Hi, I am new to your blog and love it – Mazzy is adorable and you are hilarious!
I can so relate to this – I always feel like I am holding onto routines when my son, Micah has to tell me he is too big, or can do it himself, etc. I also rocked and hummed with him before putting him in the crib until we got his big-boy bed recently (he is 3 now) and although we have a new routine, I miss that sometimes.
it’s so sad when you realize they grow up 🙁 although i have extended my time….get a big girl bed for her, then you can crawl into it 🙂 that’s what i do now. we read stories then i lay down with p and sing songs. sometimes he is a monster and jumps all over me, but it’s the nights where he wraps his arms around me instead of his lion while i sing to him that i cherish…i wonder when he is going to tell me to leave….
Ah thank heavens you were able cut the cradling/rocking short. My SIL’s son is three, a giant who cannot be rocked in arms anymore so he demands to be rocked in a sheet that his mom and live in aunt hold from corners and rock him.
For at least half an hour.
I got trapped in the routine once. I wanted to chuck the bastard out of a window.
Correction: and now you’ll understand why. He was FIVE when I was asked to join the rocking mission. He’s SIX now, and reportedly is still being rocked to sleep.
I usually just put my kid in his crawlspace, take the duct tape off his mouth and allow the cracked drywall beneath him to gently sway him to sleep.
I’m dying laughing at this. LOVE it. Not that she doesn’t want you to rock her.
The “your aunt sucks” part!
My “baby” (she’s 2) and I used to have a very cuddly routine that, at the time, drove me crazy because it took forever. Now, she just wants to go to her crib with her “friends” (stuffed animals) and go to sleep. It makes me sad every night because I didn’t enjoy it at the time. So I know how you feel. Unfortunately, it just makes you want another baby even more…
Your sister CLEARLY sucks. Probably because she’s right.
But you know what? My 5 year old just asked me to start singing to her again before bedtime.
So it’s not over – it’s just postponed. 🙂
The first time I put Rebecca to sleep and she said “Night Night!” I almost melted into a puddle on the floor…. So cute!
I think I went through my baby-to-toddler transitional mourning period over the summer and now I’m all good.
But just for kicks, I cradled Vivian a few weeks ago and told her we were playing a game called “Baby.” Now she actually comes over to me, lies down in my lap, and requests to play “Baby” from time to time. So, I still get my rocking fix… although it feels slightly ridiculous at this point.
Just be thankful Mazzy’s bedtime routine doesn’t involve playing Ring Around the Rosey followed by a single somersault and then reaching up and hitting the ceiling fan string. This is our routine. Every.Single.Night. Pretty sure Vivian has some OCD tendencies.
I wish I was kidding.
Just wait until she is seven and just waves to you from across the living room – of course after she showers and jammies all by herself – and says “good-night” and turns around and goes to her room for bed by herself BECAUSE SHE CAN! Oh lord, why can’t I get tucked in anymore?
My 11-year-old son still wants me to lie down with him and scratch his back at night, so it’s all good. When my daughter was two-ish, I put her down in her crib, patted her back and said “‘night, Baby”. She got up on her elbows, looked at me seriously, pointed at herself and said “I EVE!” Sigh.
same thing’s going on in our place, too. 🙁
We can cry together. This growing stuff never ends, does it?
I still have to chase her around the apartment to get her to change into pajamas. And the stalling tactics get more hilarious every day.
Oh god the big boy bed. Do they stay in it? This is the thing I do not understand.
Lately, I have been trying to teach Mazzy to cuddle. She can lay next to me for about two seconds and then is up and running again. (Somehow she can make out with Elmo for hours though. Do any other kids do this? Is it weird???) Maybe the big girl bed will help matters.
I just had to reread your comment to realize that you said “SIL’s son”. I was thinking it was your kid and you left his rocking obsession up to your mother and aunt. I was like— so sorry you had to partake that ONE TIME!
Ha. Anyway, point taken. And your SIL most definitely needs a Dr. B in her life.
Wow. You take the duct tape OFF? Clearly, you’ve got the father of the year award locked up.
Every blog needs a villain. Now, I’ve got mine.
Mazzy calls her dolls “friends” and her stuffed animals “guys”. Collectively, they are “everybody”.
Hopefully, the new baby (if and when there is one) will not require their own set of “everybody”.
In three years, I will thank you.
Sad and happy and cute all at once. As most everything is.
I am totally playing “Baby” with Mazzy today! Thank you for the idea. Although, it’s kind of weird to make up a game for you and not for her, right? I don’t care! We are playing!
The second half of your comment sounds like a great question for Dr. B. If she were taking questions. BITCH.
I’m sorry but I have no idea what you are talking about. My child is going to stop growing at three and need me forever.
Awww… I remember the first time Mazzy told me who she was. It was amazing. She said the word Mat-Mat. I said- what? And she repeated- mat-mat. What? Mat-Mat. Then I said, I’m sorry sweetie but I don’t understand. Then she pointed to me and said “mommy” and then pointed to herself and said “Mat-mat”. I think I nearly keeled over from cuteness.
sniff.. sniff… bawl…
Solution? Big girl bed! That way you can continue snuggling for as long as you’d like. More comfortable than trying to cuddle up in the crib. (Don’t pretend you’ve never tried it.) 😉
Just when you figure out what works, it doesn’t anymore.
Oh, your sister is the perfect “us against the world.”
Perfect.
A face, a face, to the reality of the ticking hand of the clock.
I shall follow this closely, and boohiss at the proper time of the villain’s appearance.
I think you have the topic for another Dr. B post. When is it time to transition to the big kid bed? AND How do you get them to stay in it?
It was time to transition when DD kept trying to get out of the crib and I was worried she’d fall on her head. She was 3. She’s in a toddler bed now.
One of the most deflating things my DD has said “You can go now, mommy” It feels like “you are dismissed, peon, I will sleep now”
I think I would have felt the same way except about the time my daughter (age 2) no longer wanted the rocking, we brought home our adopted son (age 4). Now, I’m glad not to rock some nights. Having 2 kids is exhausting! If she wants to be rocked for too long, I’m afraid I’m going to fall asleep.
I transitioned first to daybed (her crib converted) and that worked like magic to keep her contained as she thought she still couldn’t get out. Second child has been in a big girl bed since @ 15 months, as her room too small for a crib and bed, but we needed a trundle and found a great deal. She transitioned fine too, as is too high for her to want to out of on her own, and she loves the open freedom of it. Re:night time routine – just start a new routine earlier. When rocking stopped, family bedtime books and songs ( with accompanying snuggles) began, which was a lovely replacement. We all lie together, then the kids go to own rooms for sleep. And snuggles by rocking will maybe return … when sick (not fun but at least snuggly!), when needing extra love from long, tired day, or just because … my toddler just restarted me rocking her to sleep when for months was plunk in bed and done! Which kind of sucks as is tiring after a long day, but as you point out … this time is so precioys and way too short!
Uh oh Mommy, this is when the “omg I need another baby NOW” becomes an issue. I only wanted two kids, ok at first I didn’t want any, then only one, then two, and then I was done. But it didn’t stop the “I want another baby” syndrome for many many years. And that is why I had a daycare, so I could love on other babies for an extended period lol. Every year when the previous babies got independent, I would start asking my moms, Soooo, who’s having the next baby? Hmmmm? At one point, they all just gave me the evil eye and no more babies for me (or them)…. sigh.
I was the mean mom who put the kids to bed at 8, kissed them night-night and expected them to go to sleep, no long routines for us. I have no patience for long drawn out things and the kids knew no different. And I always said that when they figured out that only “mean mom” showed up after 8, they slept through the night out of self defense. LOL! But it worked for us.
Glad Mazzy goes down fairly easy for you though. It makes life easier for the parents and the kids. She’s got it all figured out huh? Funny how if we only pay attention to their signals, it’s much simpler.
Now kiss that baby goodnight and go enjoy your quiet time with your hubby! Before #2 shows up!
I still sleep with my three year old in my bed. My husband for the last year or so sleeps in our three year old’s room in a queen size bed. Thankfully, our six year old sleeps alone. For most of the night! Wanna talk about sleep issues?
We moved Danny to a bed about a year sooner than I would have, but he threw himself out of the crib – head first. That was around Labor Day – 2010. Haven’t had a decent night since. Sorry.
But Emma never gets out of bed. So maybe you’ll get lucky with Mazzy. Sounds like she likes to go to sleep. That’s a good sign.
I hated letting go of parts of our sleeptime routine.
Same thing going on here. Oh and mine is officially TWO now so all bets are off. *sigh*
Can I send my toddler over to your house for bedtime? Mine won’t go to sleep this easy, ever.
mazzy’s bedtime routine is so sweet, even if she has taken it down a notch recently.
in comparison, my son (poor third child that he is) gets a night-time routine that now seems the equivalent of living in an orphanage.
Awww. I love how you showed the progression of the child becoming less and less interested in rocking and singing before bed. The toddler I nanny for wants nothing to do with being read to, sung to, rocked, any of that. Of course in his defense he might be too busy screaming that he doesn’t want to go to bed and isn’t tired to ask for any of these things.
that is hands down the funniest comment I have ever read! ROFL!!
thank you!
No! No no no!
Oh, I’m just empathizing. My Roo is such a big boy these days, and we gave up rocking, too. But I still get a quick lullaby un while I hold him standing next to the crib. He even let’s me kiss his cheek. Little bastard will give that up any moment now.
Can I blame Dr. B, too?
Awww keep singing. My first baby is 12 now, and he still likes it when I sing to him at bedtime occasionally. It’s just not cool to ASK right? Not like I’m cradling and rocking him… 😉
Kyle has been in a big boy bed since he was about 15 months old – he’s 97th percentile for height and was very close to being able to climb out, even at it’s lowest setting. I still have scars on my forehead from falling while trying to climb out of my own crib as a child so it’s a big deal to me!
When they get bigger you can lay in bed with them and make shadow puppets and things like that. They will still be fun and cute and cuddly, just bigger. My oldest told me when I was crying one day (because he was getting so big, like four or something): “But mom, I HAVE to grow up! I will still love you mostest”. So more crying happened AND I had another kid, see that remedies it. I am on kid almost four, I am now happy when the oldest two go to school and the baby (not baby anymore, but still) takes an awesome nap, without any rocking or singing.
Heartbreaking. Absolutely devastating. Sisters….. pfffft….. who asked them anyway?