1. Enough with the peas and carrots bullshit, give me some bacon and ice cream!

2. Why would I go down for a nap when I could do something fun like throw myself headfirst into the bathtub?

3. It's so cute how you try to put socks on me.

4. I'm gonna use your shirt as a snot rag, cool? Cool.

5. OMG— that piece of tupperware is FANTASTIC.

6. Didn't you wear that outfit yesterday, Mom?

7. When I grow up, I'm gonna eat all the magazines I want.

8. I'm not really feeling this sweater. CAN YOU GET IT THE FUCK OFF ME AS FAST AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE??!

9. Have a told you how awesome you are yet today?

10. Yes, yes awesome. Wonderful, amazing, whatever. Now give me the remote control so I can shove it my mouth, please.