The thing that makes writing this blog for the past seven years mean something, beyond just a memento for my family to look back on, is the many readers who message me to say things like, “Thank you for making me feel better about myself as a parent.” Or “thank you for the reminder that this job is hard and we all struggle.” These sentiments usually end with something like, “I needed it today.”
You know what? I need it on many days too.
In fact, as Mazzy and Harlow get older, I come down on myself harder when things don’t go the way I want them to. Shouldn’t I have it figured out by now? Meltdowns and misbehavior are universal for toddlers, but what does it say about my parenting skills when it happens to my four and seven-year-old? Aren’t I supposed to be a parenting expert by now? I mean, I wrote a book on the subject!
It’s easy to write about babies and toddlers. It’s easy to forgive yourself and explain things away. We can look back only hours later and laugh at the struggle. But as the kids grow up, it takes work to remember to forgive yourself. That you can’t ever become an expert because your kids don’t stay the same.
Parenthood is a constant state of change and I need to remember that even though I’ve accepted that I’m not perfect now, I’m also not working toward perfection. That will NEVER HAPPEN and that’s okay. Perfection doesn’t help your kids. Being human does.
When I recorded the audible version of my book a few weeks ago, I spent two days reading the humorous stories and laughing with the sound engineer at some of my anecdotes. Then I got to the last chapter and read it almost like it was the first time.
Oh…right. I thought. I figured out the secret to parenthood and I let myself forget it. So here’s a section from the last chapter of my book, the most sentimental chapter, for new parents who are just learning, for more seasoned parents who need to be reminded and for myself.
Have a Remarkably Average Mother’s Day! (One week early.)
“The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting” is currently only $10 on Amazon and the Audible version (read by me) was recently released too! Did I mention it would make the perfect Mother’s Day gift? Because it totally would.
I’m also giving away three signed copies in the comments! To enter, just tell me your best piece of advice to new parents in the comments below.
WINNER UPDATE:
Congratulations to Shelly S, Tiffany Fischer and Kim Tran! Please email allie@mommyshorts.com to claim your prize.
Best advice my mom gave me, you don’t have to be perfect! Let the little things go…..
I really liked that part of your book. That’s the hardest thing to do, sometimes. To just let it go, let it be what it will, and then still be willing to try again.
I think the best advice I give new parents is: Ignore those people who tell you to “enjoy them while you can.” Babies and kids are not always great. Don’t feel obligated to love all of the experience. Sometimes it sucks, and that’s ok.
I like to keep things real.
My advice would be listen to the people who love you and like you and just met you – they are all trying to help – but if what they say doesn’t actually help, don’t take it on board. Find your fit. No one else on the planet can parent your child as well as you can because you were always meant to be theirs and they were always meant to be yours, so even if trusting your gut feels scary at first, it’s perfectly ok to do it.
Also – I love how random the subtitles are on this clip – at the end they read “we can still be awesome moms of death, it’s all good, it’s Paris.” Subtitles aside this is a great piece and should be on pre-parenting courses because diapering I can figure out but this stuff is beyond valuable.
My advice would be to follow your instincts, trust your gut feelings. Ask for help and accept help when it is offered. Take ti one day at a time and do not fret about “milestones” and do something for yourself each day..it could be something as simple as washing your face and putting on your favorite fragrance, wearing clean underwear, a clean tshirt, or eating ice cream or a doughnut. Remember that your body went through an immense change for nine months and is now also undergoing change every single day so it is ok to feel all the feels, it is ok to eat ANYTHING you want, it is ok to let “other” things slide. Also as someone who went through post partum depression, I would suggest reading up on it, discussing it with your OBGYN and learning the signs and symptoms. It catches you off guard and it can be brutal. And make your husband or partner read up on it too so they can watch out for the signs.
take it easy, don’t feel like you have to do everything yourself!
My advice is to find your tribe! Talk to a stranger at story time or a person at the park. We all want a friend for ourselves and our kids and to strengthen the village that raises them! It is my greatest desire that my son is surrounded by people – related or not – who love him, cheer for him, and want only the greatest things in life for him. These are the people who listen to your concerns, watch your kid so you can pee at the park, and bring you gatorade when you are stuck at home with the flu! Be a member of a tribe and invite others to join! A bunch of moms (and dads) are always better than one.
Let the little things go… ask for help when you need it… and take time for yourself (easier said than done)
Don’t try to do it all. Give yourself time to adjust. Sleep every chance you get. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The first few months are tough but they are temporary. It’s all worth it in the end.
My advice would be “This too shall pass.” My mom reminded me of this every time I was struggling with my difficult babies. And she was right. Those things did pass, and although it gets easier, once you figure out the solution to one problem, another one takes it’s place. But I’m ok with that. I find now that I get a full night’s sleep, I can tackle any problem my kids throw at me 🙂
This is lovely. Thank you
My advice is do your research but then do what feels right to you. I was so overwhelmed when my son was a baby because I felt like every doctor, nurse, and online article were telling me different things. How often to feed him, when to start solids, etc. I finally decided I just needed to get as informed as possible and then decide what worked best for my son, since I know him best.
Say “yes” to help everytime it’s offered.
I love this video, Ilana! Great job. I also enjoyed your book. I gave it a great review on Goodreads! Just want to say ‘thanks’ for your blog, writings, and social media accounts. I’ve laughed out loud so hard, I’ve teared up many times, it’s definitely caused me to chill in my own family and caused sighs of relief as I think ‘Me TOO!!’ So ‘Happy Early Mother’s Day!’ to you too and thanks for everything!
So good, loved this! And yes, I needed this today!
Don’t turn to dr google at 2 am when your child has a fever. You will convince yourself that your child has meningitis and loose even more sleep than you already were going to.
Such good advice. We all need a reminder to enjoy the little things sometimes. I’ve been racing to the finish line (bedtime) the last few days because it’s been a very, very long week with strep throat and pink eye going around.. Hopefully today we’ll get some time to have fun and relax together.
Love this times a million! In a world full of parents going above and beyond aiming to raise exceptional children, I strive to be average. I want my kid to appreciate and find joy in the simple things in life. Thank you for the reminder that it’s absolutely ok to parent this way! My best advice is do what feels right and natural for you and YOUR child. Also, don’t take the tags off and wash all of the cute newborn clothes that you will inevitably receive an abundance of at your baby shower. Chances are your baby will only be able to wear them for a short period of time (if ever); so instead of organizing them during your nesting period, set them aside so that you can return them and get something else you need, or exchange them for another size!
Just watched this while attached to the ‘ol breast-pump. Needed it 🤣😭😊 ❤️THANK YOU❤️
I literally cried while listening to you… I needed to be reminded of all of that too. My advice to new parents: slow down, do what you can and that is enough 🙂
Love your videos! Please keep them coming. Thank you for the reminder, it’s ok to be average.
New parents keep in mind that being the perfect mom, is imperfect. But when you’re imperfect, that’s perfection! Moms are human beings too, take it easy and never be hard on yourself!
Accept help. Even if it means your mother in law folds the laundry a little differently than you would.
This is so true!
I don’t feel like an expert, but I do want to enter. I do have a copy that I adore, but I did loan it to a friend. And, I would LOVE a signed copy. My best piece of “expert” advice is a piece of advice a dear sweet Mama friend of mine gave me at my baby shower for my oldest. At the time it didn’t make any sense, but 8 years and 2 babies later, it holds true. She said, “Never feel guilty for holding your baby longer. Don’t feel guilty over unwashed dishes, or chores or being productive.” And, that is all she said. I think we did talk about it more over the next few days, and years. But, at the time I had no idea what a precious piece of gold she had given me.
Take it one day at a time and every child is different. Don’t compare your baby with other people’s babies.
Honestly, it’s probably the most simple…the mess will be there tomorrow. Play with your kids because the mess will be there tomorrow. Remember they are only little once and they will grow in a blink of an eye…so okay with them. Let that dishes be! You can vacuum tomorrow! It has been so true. I’m not the best at letting the mess go, but I’m much better then I was. 🙂
My advice is to figure out what works for you and your family and just go with it. We’re all different. Different kids, different parents, and only you know your family best.
Listen to everyone’s advice and then decide what works best/feels right to you. You know your family best. So use what works! Oh- and take help when it’s orfered!
And don’t try to type with one hand while rocking a sleeping (teething) baby in the dark! Last word should be offered.
My advice is snuggle, kiss and look at your baby with awe, they grow up so fast!!
My advice is remembering all kids are different. So do what works for you… not what the “experts” say works. As long as they are safe, fed, clean and happy does it really matter?
Whatever it is, it’s probably not a big deal.
There is so (SO) much to worry about as a new parent, especially if you’re a first-time parent. Take a deep breath and try to calm down because whatever is currently stressing out is probably not nearly as important as it may seem to you right now.
Dont stress about the mess and know that as soon as your baby gets a schedule figured out…it will change;) learning to go with the flow and laughing is the only way to survive.
The parenting books are in great supply. All the tips and tricks galore…our babies don’t read these books….you do….take what works for your baby and chuck the rest of the advice. Don’t be a slave to book parenting recipes.
Never compare yourself to other parents!! You never know what lies “behind closed doors” and children are vastly different, even siblings.
My advice is to NOT read all the books and all the blogs and all the things. Too much information can be overload and have you questioning every little thing. Instead, find one book, one person, one blog, or better yet, your pediatrician, and listen to his or her trusted advice. The rest, you will figure out on your own!
I love your comment that “the mundane can be magical”. It is oh so true. I find myself calling my mother multiple times a day to tell her something adorable that my three year old did or to share the amazement that my six year old is reading like a champ.
Best piece of advice is to take it easy on yourself/don’t beat yourself up in the tough moments. We all have them, and no one is perfect (no matter how much it seems others might be).
Laugh! I try to laugh often. I am a mother, I am not perfect…before my very eyes these little people are growing up and I can’t believe how quickly it is going. I want to look back and rememebr the laughs! So I am trying to laugh more and get frustrated less!
My best piece of advice is to always remember to breathe!
As a new parent remember it’s all “just a phase”. From the hard stuff like sleep deprivation and teething to the fun stuff like baby snuggles and preschool Mother’s Day celebrations.
I’m all emotional from this video! I always tell new parents that lots of people, even complete strangers, are going to say really stupid shit to you…ignore them, you are doing kust fine!
Advice for a new parent?? Do the best you can do to be in your childs life to make them happy. If you work and only make it to bed time??? Then make it the best bedtime you can. Your child sees the little things we do and sometimes we forget that.
I don’t know what the best piece of advice for new parents should be. Maybe, have patience with yourself and with your partner. This parenting gig is hard, physically, mentally and emotionally. Take a deep breathe.
My husband is much better at life without a plan… he helps me remember that not everything has to go as planned and that things happen (especially as parents) that you cannot control.
My advice would be, trust your mommy gut and don’t be afraid to ask for help!
My best advice for new moms is to do what feels right to you. You’ll get well-meaning advice from a million different sources, but at the end of the day, no one knows your baby better than you do. Acting upon your instincts is almost always the best way to go.
Parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all. Find what works for you and your child and don’t look back. And remember to forgive your kids and yourself and always move forward!
My advice: You are going to make mistakes, and it’s ok. Don’t try to be perfect but try to enjoy every minute of their childhood!
I hope to win this book, unless it’s at the library as a kindle book I can check out already. Is it? Is it? You really do help your readers, me included (or especially). If your articles help me every week, I can only imagine the power in an entire book you’ve written!
The advice I would give new parents to to be flexible and open minded. Once you get into the groove of things (parenting/routines/expected behavior etc) it will not remain the same! Babies/toddlers/kids will change on you over night. Instead of getting frustrated embrace it and find a way to work with it. They are your little humans to nurture! Can’t do that out of anger or frustration!
its ok not being perfect!
Something i’ve witnessed parents doing and I don’t really understand is being that kind of parent who doesn’t leave any spare time for your kid to just be a kid and enjoy their childhood. The kind of parent who takes their kid to school,, signs them up for extracurricular activities then picks them up and take them to soccer,, then art lessons,, then piano lessons,, then swimming lessons,, then foreign language lessons,, then home to dinner take a shower do homework and straight to bed vecause there’s a whole new list of things to do the next day. Not to mention social events on friday,, dentist on Saturdays,, competitions,, exhibits and shows during the weekends… it’s exhausting!!! I’ve babysat for parents like that. Please don’t do it. I’ve witnessed first hand the amount of stress that puts on the children,, not to mention,, if your kid is a perfeccionist he or she will try his/her hardest to be oerfect and everything and will feel devastated when they fail. Just do them a favor and let them be kids,, don’t ever try to live trough them,, let them have their own lives
My best advice? Its ok if you feel guilty that the dishes/laundry/cleaning isn’t done. There are lots of well meaning people who tell you to save it all for later. Not sure when later is (I don’t have 18 years worth of clothes to wear without doing laundry!). Parents have to adjust their expectations, and what is normal changes, but its ok if having a clean house makes you happier. (And if you have a dirty house, and no guilt, that is 100% great too!).
Nice post…
Pending no immediate danger or injury. Always pee first before investigating why they are crying. With big kids, half of the time the crying resolves before you get there. Infants wanting to eat will have a more relaxed parent and you have less chance of needing to pee hile they sleep in your arms.
Haha – this is true and practical advice!!
Also. Smell their heads every day when you hug them. Not only is it a good gauge for how many days since you last gave them a bath, typically it is a instant little reminder of how you can love something so deeply and unconditionally. It gives me a chance to reset and forget some of the days transgression. Andplusalso you know they aren’t going to let you get close enough to them to do it forever so breathe it in while you can!
I think it’s ridiculous when people say to enjoy every moment (who enjoys parenting through vomit??), but I think it is important to remember to enjoy the small moments. And be easy on yourself as a parent, too. Not every photo has to be Pinterest/Instagram/Facebook worthy!
Let your kids see you fail, have your emotions and recover. Again and again. When you never see your adults fail on the small stuff, it is devastating when they can’t hide their big failures. Failing is part of growing, and most of us could learn to do it better.
My best piece of advice for new moms is to follow their heart and do what they think is best always!
My advice would be to listen to the “advice” that others try to give you, even though it may be completely crazy but listen and don’t take offense if it hurts your feelings in that moment. Just let it roll of your shoulders and remember that you are doing the best you can do for you and your child and that is all that matters.
Love this video!
You covered a lot of the best parenting advice I would give. I agree with the comment I’ve seen many times on threads with worried parents, “If you’re worried you’re doing it wrong, you’re probably doing just great.”
So much truth here. I’m a new(er) Mom and work everyday on letting go. On sleeping when they baby sleeps, although I didn’t do this until she turned 1. Insane. Wish I had since she was born.
Cherish the good moments now, but know that even the bad moments will be cherished someday.
My best piece of advice is if your kid is fed, dressed, and happy – you’re doing a great job!
just know that you are not alone in trying to figure out the world of parenting. there are no hard and fast rules, just do what you can
Parenting is not easy, it’s hard. You need to learn to let things go, and do the best you can. No one is judging you, only yourself. Just be there for them and love them like crazy. They just want to be with you, they don’t need a lot of “things”. Enjoy them! So cliché, but they are only little for a little while. 🙂
Love this. I feel like I should listen to this regularly. It’s so easy to get caught up in trying to do everything “right.”
Great post.
For new moms: Be present for your kids. Don’t get too caught up in life, Facebook, or other things. Be present for your kids. Live life through their eyes. Childhood will go by too quickly.
The best “advice” I can give is don’t listen to me! YOU are the parent, not me or anyone else! Trust your gut and let the (generally) well-meaning advice fall by the wayside.
Give yourself grace. Not everything will go perfectly and that’s perfectly fine.
Don’t listen to unsollicited advice – They are often the worst and dictated by the person’s own need to be reassured or legitimized as to the choices they made with their kids. When our daughter was born (almost a year ago, yeahhh!), we got advice on E-VERY-THING, from swaddling vs. non-swaddling, sleeping on the back vs. on the tumy, feeding on demand vs. on schedule, going outside with a newborn vs. staying at home, etc., and none of this advice was given based on our actual needs. So just do what works for you, chose your go-to person for advice (we only listen to our pediatrician), and follow your instinct! Of course, sometimes external advice may be helpful, but dont forget that advisers are not often well aware of your situation (and of their own intention when giving advice).
My best advice for new parents is to take it one day at a time. You never know what they next day holds!
I don’t have any advice for new parents. Just try to hang in there!
Thinking my piece of advice (above), I realized that advising in an unsollicited way not to listen to unsollicited advice was kind of contradictory… Anyway, I have a better advice for new parents: sometimes, it’s wise to get out and have a drink (whether alone, with friends or with your partner)! The problems wont disappear but at least you’ll have fun, get more relaxed and more rational to handle them when you come back 🙂
I would ❤️ a singed copy of your book!
Stay calm… They don’t break
don’t ever be sorry for not taking someone else’s advice. do what makes most sense to you, your situation, your family, and your kid!
Best Advise: Connect everyday in one meaningful way. And instead of yelling, everytime you want to blow your lid, bust into a down dog–even in public. Totally works AND it embarrasses the little suckers so they are more motivated to behave.
don’t worry about what others are doing or saying, you know what is best for your child.
Best advice I can give a new mom is to remember their doing a great job no matter what is happening.
My best piece of advice, also is a reminder to myself– each day is a gift, enjoy your children. I have young ones and it’s a struggle most days. Enjoy your time with them, enjoy their presence, and yes!, every 6 months or so is another challenge. Take a deep breath and average on! We can do this, moms & dads!
My best advice: REMEMBER TO BREATHE AND LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Even the bad ones. They eventually lead to the goods ones. Everything else will work itself out: dinner, laundry the dishes.
Take advice with a grain of salt. Whether it’s from your mom or the best baby book on the shelf. Your baby is not the baby in the book and your baby is not your best friends baby. Do what works for you, your family and your baby.
My advice is to let go and enjoy. Time goes by so fast it is not worth the effort to have a perfect clean home or perfect dinners.
Best advice? Relax and try to go withback your gut. Oh, and DO NOT GOOGLE ANYTHING AT 3am. That is the time when all the scary articles pop up first.
That was so awesome. Reminded me to take pleasure in the everyday.
I love reading your thoughts! I think we’d be good friends if you lived in California. Harlow’s little voice is so much like my girls it’s so cute to see! I wish I could go back and enjoy having tiny babies again, but I wouldn’t trade preschool age for anything!
What I love most about your blog and boom is just the feeling it gives all of us mom’s out here is a sense of community and feeling that we are not alone. There are other non-perfect parents out there- which can be shocking when all you see in real life are the Pinterest perfect parents.
My advice to new moms is to not let everyone’s advice overwhelm you. Everyone will tell you what ABSOLUTELY works for them and many times those “absolutes” will contradict what someone else said their “absolute” was. You are a great mom, you love your children and your hearts deepest desire it to do right by them. Trust your mommy instincts. No one is perfect, but we all do the best we can. Children are very forgiving and they love us despite our short comings
Even if you don’t like taking advise, bite your tongue and accept it. People are only trying to help because they know how difficult and harrowing being a parent can be. They aren’t trying to make you feel inferior or incapable, rather just telling you what they would have wanted to hear when they were in that position.
My advice to new moms is sleep when baby sleeps, you Do know best and trust you instincts. Nobody knows your baby better than you do.
My best piece of advice is don’t try to do it alone. Friends, family, whoever – have people to depend on and sound off to. You’re NOT the only one going through whatever you’re going through. Having help isn’t admitting defeat, it’s the only way to survive.
My advice to new parents is not to be afraid to ask for help if you need it:)
My best advice is be ready to not be ready, and trust yourself.
I need constant reminders that I don’t have to be perfect or have it all together. This parenting gig is hard – the hardest job I’ve ever had. It’s true, the second you think you’ve got it all figured out, your kids change. Mine are only 3 and 2, I’m almost overwhelmed at the thought of what lies ahead! Thank you for the reminders that being a remarkably average parent is still being a good parent.
Your post is awesome.
Nice Blog. “Being a mother made me stronger than ever before”