Um… what happened to spring?!? I only just realized the school year will be over in, like, ten minutes and as much as I’m looking forward to my kids being home all day every day during the summer, OMG HELP ME I AM NOT READY.
I don’t think I’m alone in my “School’s Almost Out Freak Out.” As the minutes tick by to the start of summer vacation, here’s a list of reasons most moms are stressed out:
Wardrobe malfunctions. Every morning it becomes more likely that someone will notice the holes in our kid’s gym shoes, but we sure as hell aren’t buying new ones at this point.
Lunch malfunctions. Your kid lost his lunch box three weeks ago and you’re down to the last paper lunch sack. Tomorrow you’ll have to say “screw it” and toss a loose apple and a GoGurt in his backpack.
There will be a Spring Concert. And there will be recorders playing.
You still haven’t decided if wine is an appropriate end-of-the-year teacher gift.
You already stress-drank that bottle of wine while trying to decide.
The end-of-the-year class party. More specifically, the pressure of finding sugar-free, nut-free, gluten-free, preservative-free, ingredient-free cupcakes for said party. All cupcakes have ingredients, right?
Preschool graduation ceremonies are a thing now.
Blazing hot classrooms with no A/C. The shorts your kids wore at the beginning of the school year are…well, they’re around here somewhere…
LOLOLOL as if your kid still fits into those shorts.
Chaperoning the last field trip of the year and dealing with 30 screaming kids.
Not chaperoning the last field trip of the year and having to deal with the guilt trip your kid brings home that day (“But all the other moms were there…”)
Worrying your kids will forget everything they learned about math over the summer.
Worrying you will forget everything you learned whlie helping with math homework over the summer.
Finding time to go to the school office—because you haven’t had a chance to go through the lost and found box yet, and you’re still missing one glove and a scarf. (Okay, seventeen gloves and 4.7 miles of scarf.)
Supply Shortage. You just need those last glue stick stub to last a couuuuuuuple more days…
Gently reminding them they can’t wear their swimsuits to school. EVERY DAMN DAY.
People keep asking you about your “summer plans.” Apparently, “survival” doesn’t count as a plan.
You still haven’t learned the names of 75% of the moms’ names in our kid’s class. Making small talk at the second grade “Moving Up” ceremony even more awkward.
You got a note from the cafeteria staff saying your kid bought an extra chocolate milk every lunch and now you owe them $452.
You got a note from the teacher that says your kid didn’t do an assignment last October that’s worth 40% of their grade.
The Final Student Project. Which is going to require “your student” (aka you) to use paper mache or something equally horrible at 11:30 pm on a Tuesday, I bet.
No more recess and gym class to guarantee physical activity. Ugh, before long you’re probably going to have to think of something besides “iPad” to do.
Soon, sleepover requests won’t be completely confined to the weekends. The horror.
Our favorite excuses will be off the table now. School bus made you late for work? Can’t go out because it’s a school night? Have to leave work early because of one of those mysterious Teacher In Service days? Nope, sorry—you can’t use those again until September.
That day when they bring home everything that’s accumulated in their lockers over the course of the entire year. It’s coming. Your floor WILL be covered in glitter. And ten thousand tiny bits of torn paper. And even more art projects you can never throw away. Have I mentioned— Wood Shop projects??
Knowing their glitter/paper/project-filled backpack will sit right by the door for the next three months, where you’ll trip on it every day until you buy them a new one. Next year.
When you finally replace their shoes and their lunchbox.
This post was written by Robyn Welling. To read more from Robyn, visit Hollow Tree Ventures.
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