Adorableness of first kid aside, have I mentioned how scared I am to have a second kid? On a "fear scale" of DEATH to PUBLIC SPEAKING, I think it ranks somewhere around SHARK ATTACK. I mean, just when you realize you'll never have the first one figured out, why oh why did we feel the need to introduce a second?
Last night, Mazzy came down with a bad cold which somehow resulted in the two of us sleeping blanket-less and pillow-less on the nursery floor. Do you know how painful it is for a woman who is 32 weeks pregnant to sleep without a pillow on a hard floor? It might be my own personal hell.
But yet, how on earth does something like this go down when there is another sleeping child in the room?
I have not even begun to process the intricacies of putting two kids to bed at different times in the same room. On an "impossibility scale" of LEARNING JAPANESE to SOLVING THE NATIONAL DEBT, getting a solid night's sleep with two kids in the same room sounds about as possible as RIDING A UNICYCLE ON A TIGHTROPE WHILE JUGGLING UNICORNS.
Aren't both kids just constantly waking eachother up?
This is just one of the things keeping me up at night. That and how the new baby is going to have to live out of a suitcase on a folding luggage rack because there is absolutely no more room in Mazzy's closet to fit her little sister's stuff.
Then, years later, my youngest child can talk about how her parents never made room for her— in therapy.
I know people aren't supposed to talk about such things ("we're so excited!", "we can't wait!") but I'm being super honest and spelling out all my fears on Babble today.
Check out Ten Reasons I Am Scared to Have a Second Child.
Which, just so you know, neglects to mention that my husband is more scared than I am— a simple fact that is NOT HELPING ANYTHING.
To counter-balance my crippling fear post, I've also got a totally sappy post on Babble called Ten Lessons I Hope My New Baby Learns from Her Big Sister.
Noticeably missing from the list are "how to have an ice cream related tantrum", "why all the paper needs to be peeled off crayons before use" and "Mazzy's Guide to Great Music".
FYI: "It's a Great Day" by the Fresh Beat Band will be playing in my personal hell where I am lying pregnant and pillowless on a nursery floor.
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If you are not a fan of Mommy Shorts on facebook, you might have missed Angela's stellar "Baby Shaming" submission. I know not everyone was a fan of my baby shaming post but I hope we can all agree to agree that this is HILARIOUS.
Please feel free to submit your own by posting them on the fanpage wall.
I hope you all have a sleep-filled, glitter-free weekend, and I'll see you back here next week!
— Mommy Shorts
i have two and felt the same way when i was pregnant with #2. they are 14 and 12 now and survived relatively unharmed! seriously, though, my husband and i wondered the same exact things…but everything worked out. We made things up as we went along and pretended we knew what we were doing– just like we did with the first one! by the way, Mazzy is SO adorable!!!!
From reading your post I can come to only one conclusion. No one has told you that you aren’t having YOUR baby, you are in fact having MAZZYS baby! Once the new little one gets here, I am positive that Mazzy will decide the baby belongs to her and will be telling you what to do with her by the end of the week! My boys are 19 months apart and the older one has always been protective of the younger one. My oldest was an early talker as well and spoke for his brother all the time. (I’m not sure we heard a complete sentence from the little one until he was 2) They also shared a room and it is surprising how well one kid can sleep through the other ones late night antics! 🙂 And as far as you being concerned about Mazzy not being as special anymore, well trust me you are doing her a favor by giving her someone to share the spotlight. One day she will NOT want to be the center of attention and at that point she can tell her sister to “get up there and entertain the old folks!” 🙂
I don’t even know where to start. If I could stop laughing for a few seconds, I would tell you that I think all mommas of more than one have the same fears. At least I did. And I know my sister did. In fact she was days away from giving birth and screaming and crying that she did not know why she thought another baby was a good idea.
That said, you get all Tim Gunn and you make it work. That’s all you can do. And somehow (and I don’t think anyone knows exactly how) it all works out and everyone survives.
Now I’m going to go cry into my coffee because you got “It’s a Great Day” stuck in my head.
Don’t worry, by month 4, you’d have figured it out. 🙂
I have a 3 yr old and an almost-1 yr old and I have to say that, right before the birth of my second, I would have been scared sh*tless if I hadn’t been so preggo constipated. Well, actually, in a way… I was sh*tless, I guess… 🙂 After the first couple of weeks, older brother totally adjusted to his little sisters all-night-long-cry-a-thons (poor girl was REALLY colicky) and, until he adjusted, his daycare providers were stunned/over-joyed at his sudden love of nap. And, as others have pointed out, little sister was not OUR baby, she was HIS baby. He still corrects us in front of total strangers, “No Mommy, she’s MY sister, and I am HER brother!”.
I usually lurk, but I felt the need to post this morning… When I say you are HILARIOUS… I usually read your blog while I nurse my son, and I keep busting out laughing – while he stops and gives me the “side eye”
Anyways…I have a daughter Mazzy’s age and my son is about to be 6 months… for the same reasons you stated, my son has no “nursery” and sleeps in the room with my husband and I… Sometimes in his crib, but mostly spooning with me….. It gets “better” around month 5 or 6… but I still haven’t figured out sleeping arrangements for the two of them yet… yes it is a struggle.
I have no clue how it all works. When you figure it out, please let me know. Not that I’m getting pregnant anytime soon but maybe soon-ish. I DON’T KNOW.
And omg baby shaming is so funny.
I am 40 weeks and 1 day today. Baby #2 is coming out, possibly today….I think. I have the same fears but mine are a tiny bit different b/c we are having a boy SO this should be really interesting. How old is Mazzy exactly? I feel like she might be exactly 8 weeks older then Izzy who had her 3rd birthday on Wed. (the 19th) We are in a very similar boat, 2 kids who will share a room and no sleep for quite possibly the next year or so except at least you get to put the new one in Mazzy’s old clothing and your new baby can use all Mazzy’s old bedding. We still have to paint half Izzy’s purple room cream or tan….ugggh. Take heart YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.
As crazy as it will be(and oh it will be crazy) – you will honestly look back and realize it was one of the sweetest times of your lives. Enjoy it. xoxo
My daughter is almost four and my son just turned one and we are finally figuring out how to get them to sleep in the same room! He has been in his pack and play in our room at night for almost a year… but honestly for the first couple of months he slept in his car seat in the living room (and mommy and daddy slept blissfully for six-seven hours at at time!) Then he started teething (first tooth at 4 months yes FOUR MONTHS) and we haven’t slept through the night since. Anyway, point being you’ll figure something out! And now they are super cute at bedtime! My son blows his sister kisses and waves goodnight and she insists on a hug and kiss from him before all bedtimes and naps.
I just found your blog and am totally smitten with it! I too am terrified, 30 weeks pregnant, with my second girl. My daughter is the same age as yours, so your posts seriously have me LOL-ing at my desk. I’ve had other mom friends tell me that it is easier with the second, I have my suspicions (like when I asked them about childbirth….) that they are candy coating this so I don’t hyperventilate.
Either way, babies are a’ coming, whether you or I are truly prepared or not! 🙂 Thanks for the laughs!
I have 4 kids… and every time I got almost to the end of the pregnancy I suddenly worried about whether this was a good idea and what was I going to do now! It’s too late to change anything! The good news is that it all worked out ok every time. 🙂 Good luck to you.
I believe you are suffering the marriage equivalent of “cold feet”.
Two is hard. Definately. But you have a Mazzy, not a Tackler, who I am sure will insist on helping you, not tackling.
My children have shared a room for a month and last night was the night THEY WOULD NOT SHUT UP and we finally had to separate them again. Usually, we put one down first, then the second and typically, the first will sleep through it or be so drowsy they can’t get awake.
I have a friend with five kids and four share a room. Somehow they sleep.
You will find your rhythm and some days it will be awesome and some days it will suck and you will wonder why that second child is a good idea.
Then you’ll (eventually) see them laugh and play with each other. Then you’ll know why. There is nothing sweeter.
And you are a far better mom than I. There is no way I would’ve laid on the floor without pillows at any stage in pregnancy–I would’ve made the husband do it.
I had baby number two when my first was three. At firsst it was a major struggle, the baby was in the NICU and the older one didn’t like how much time she was spending with her grandma while mommy visited the baby in the hospital. So the first month or so after baby came home was a bit rough as big sis tried to balance having to share mommy with her excitement that baby was actually home. It helped that baby was a sleeper, and we spent a lot of time together while baby was napping. And slowly we got into a rhythm, and big sis got used to sharing the spotlight, but was also given a lot of time to shine as the big-girl. She started preschool days after baby came home, and got to show off baby to her teachers and new friends. She got praised a lot for helping around the house, and started going on ‘dates’ with mommy and daddy where we did things only big-girls can do (like go to bouncy playgrounds and movies). It’s been just over a year, and now she’s very excited to help pick out clothes for the baby (all those old outfits we thankfully saved that she claims she remembers). She holds baby’s hand during doctors visits. She and baby have this connection that I don’t understand, but they can entertain each other. All I know is I’m in trouble when baby is big enough to walk and talk and they can go disappearing on me.
That second baby terrified me. I got less sleep than I should worrying about having two kids when some days it seemed like I could barely handle one. But surprisingly I found that, while the first few months were a bit of a chaotic blur, now I’m getting more time to get things done because the girls can entertain themselves for a bit while mommy is doing dishes or cooking. Things will work out, don’t worry too much!
Don’t stress about the sharing room thing. My 1st 2 have shared a room since #2 was born. The older one was 2 1/2 at the time. They never bothered eachother. Now it is sweet to hear them talk a bit before falling asleep. I think that the older one would prefer to have his own room, but the younger one has already said that he would come in every night to sleep with him. My daughter, the youngest, has always had her own room and doesn’t understand why everyone else gets to share a room and she doesn’t. You can’t win!Also, I always shared a room with my younger sister and we are fine- no therapy needed! 🙂
Get yourself a sit and stand stroller pronto!
Well, you just admitted you were not sleeping anyway, so what difference does it make to you if you are up with them both (or separately) all night anyway 😉
Here is my take – for every parent, dealing with any panicky parenting moment of wondering how to cope with whatever it is life has handed you:
Not every parenting moment of every day has to be super-star. Sometimes they rock. Sometimes they suck. But as long as you deal with them with as much class and love as possible, and forgive yourself for the unclassy moments but never forget to keep the love in all moments – you will all survive and surprise yourselves by thriving. You may not recognize it as such until much much (much much much, depending on how the night is going) later … but you will eventually see how super-star you really were and that life really was kind of nice.
This may happen when you have two teenage girls; I have heard that can make one very Rose-Coloured-Glasses for the good ol’ days of a tantruming toddler and screaming baby! Perspective, right? 😉
My older one slept through his brother pulling down the dresser on himself and the ensuing chaos, so they CAN sleep through a lot. They were 3&4 at the time. (This is also my PSA to remind everyone to fasten all furniture to the wall :))
But, in the beginning, the baby sleeps in your room and the toddler watches lots of TV while you get the baby to sleep. Or at least that’s how it worked in my house because my husband traveled almost every week for work so I was on my own a lot. It takes some adjustment for everyone but you’ll figure it out because you’re a mom and we always figure it out.
Ilana, I went from ONE perfect daughter for almost four years…to THREE CHILDREN! One of them a BOY! (I also went from a full-time job in NYC to suburbia in the South at the same time 🙂 I never for a second thought there would be enough room in my home, let alone my heart, to care for three. But guess what? Everything expanded to fit them all, and I feel so full and so happy and so, so lucky! Even with the messes, the insanity, and the sibling bickering, I am moved to tears every time they sneak in to bed with each other after lights out, walk to the bus stop as a trio, Emma walks them to class and protects them on the bus, and they literally jump up and down when they see each other at school. Every time they gang up on me…even then, I am so grateful for each one of them and that they will have each other forever. Mazzy is going to love her new family. And you are going to be surprised at how much more of yourself you have to give. Enjoy it!!! xo
I’ll start with the comforting part: it does all seem to work out in the end. my kiddos are 4 yrs apart and we also went thru that scared sh*tless phase. Somewhere in the 3rd trimester, my brilliant husband says to me, “you know, i would have been okay with just baby girl.” EXCUSE ME? A LITTLE LATE, NO? Moron. but when the boy came, we somehow managed to keep him clean and fed thru the first few months and we managed to get the other one presentable enough for preschool. you stick to priorities and keep things as simple as possible and it works out. i think we’re a much better tag team now with the 2 bugs. NOW HERE’S THE PART THAT MOST DON’T WANT TO HEAR: You never sleep. each bug has his/her own room and it’s just as bad. She has forbidden us from having a 3rd because babies cry too much. he’ll wake up crying, i bring him in to my bed. just when i’m falling asleep, the girl decides to get up to and climbs in. so i get sandwiched between husband, toddler and 50lb 6yo in a queen size bed. i think we need a bigger bed, he thinks we need fewer kids. it’s so much darn work, so much more laundry. she’s fine with chicken nuggets and sandwiches, but the toddler needs real food, with veggies and all. but then at the end of the night, i lay on the couch to watch modern family and both babes end up on top of me and i love it. oh, yeah, you know how we solved the problem of 2 kids+bedtime? girl goes to bed somewhere between 8:30 and 9 and we let the boy either fall asleep w us downstairs or we go to bed together in my bed. Dr. B would have a field day with me.
Can I get a witness??? I just had my second child 6 wks ago (already have a 3-year-old) and while yes it is doable and survivable and (I hear) super great when they get a little older, it’s total “whack-a-mole” trying to make everyone happy. When our help (mom, MIL, cousin) left and my husband went back to work, I was sweating bullets. (It still gets dicey when I’m trying to make dinner and he’s not home yet.) I was most worried about my first born and making sure she didn’t feel marginalized. I am a first born too so I know exactly what she is going through. Until little brother gets on a more predictable feeding/sleeping schedule, everyday is different–some good, some bad. But I keep remembering that my self-sufficient, wonderfully communicative daughter used to be a helpless baby too and look at her now. So you can see the future and know it will get so much easier/better. Just not right now.
I’m only 13 weeks with number 2 so although I’ve been a bit worried, I haven’t had time yet to reach totally terrified…..until reading this!
Now I’m panicking!!!
I think I just posted the world’s longest comment on your Top 10 Reasons post over at Babble so here I will simply say that those Baby Shaming pictures? Hysterical. May my daughter never get this idea or we are in for it. I’m still recovering from the pastel crayons incident.
The second one is tough, because your first just still needs Mommy. It’s all the same work, it’s just the juggle that throws you for a loop. That’s why most (sane) people stop at two. You will reach that “sweet spot” a lot sooner…somewhere around three months. And as hard as that first year might be, the girls are so close in age, that they will probably be best friends, which is not to be discounted! My advice to all expecting a second: Get your routines with your oldest streamlined NOW, because you are not singing songs, reading stories, able to provide undivided attention, jumping through hoops to get your oldest to bed with a baby screaming in the background. And as for the space…I always remember a friend of mine who lived in a studio apartment in Manhattan when his first was born. The baby was in a DRESSER DRAWER for the first year. That just seems like the worst case scenario to me, so you’re probably doing just fine by comparison.
You’ll be great. You’re more resiliant than you think you are, and you are a better mother than you think you are too. You may not be able to do all the things you did before, but chances are Mazzy will not notice too much, and the new addition will bring so much more love into your family. You just didn’t know how incomplete your family was until you meet her.
To anyone who would dare to question your sleeping arrangements…I’m sure they are more than welcome to come to your house and take the 10pm to 7am shift for a week and change things for you. Having four kids, I’ve heard a lot of criticisms for doing that, and that’s my standard answer to my particular parental survival!
Whoa… For I minute there I thought you meant her crib was actually going to be a suitcase on top of a luggage rack! I think I need a nap! 🙂
I love the “whack-a-mole” analogy. So appropriate.
Oh thank god! i am 27 weeks and have an almost 7 year old and am terrified. they wonthave to share a room but i have girl and hte new one is a boy and i am scared!Everyone says oh how nice one of each and i just look at them like they are crazy. I love my little boy but my girl is so good im terrified he will be a monster i have nicknamed him little monster…suprisingly people seem to findt hat offensive! Oh well. I know i am up for the job but still i feel ya!
Ilana,
I felt terrified too! I think we all feel this way because it is impossible to imagine what life will be like with 2 kids. But from my experience I learned that everyone in the family adjusts, including the older kid. Your older one will expect less of you because she will see that you have less to offer. And the second one will expect less of you too, because that’s what #2’s are like anyway. So all in all, you’ll see that you are able to manage fine.
Its’s numbers 3 and beyond that would terrify to a point of no return. Thus, I’ve only got 2 -;)
Will you be having the baby sleep in your room to begin with, while Mazzy gets used to having her around?
My daughters (3.5 year age gap) share their room too. At first, I was terrified at how it’d pan out, but it’s been much better than I thought – even when I first moved the youngest in to share. We kept her in our room (in a travel crib) until she was 8 months old, then it was “Bye-bye, say hello to your big sister’s room now!” They’ve never really disturbed one another’s sleep. The youngest has now discovered the joy of climbing into her big sister’s bed in the middle of the night – it hasn’t occurred to her to try our bed yet. I call that a win.
You’ll be fine, honest!
Heh. To share a story from my parents: 3-year-old me threw a screaming fit when my brother was born because I didn’t want a brother, I wanted a sister! 😛 Then they let me pick out the birthday cake, and all was well.
That’s right! And they can do it while hubby and i are at a tropical getaway.
I was so terrified of having my 3rd that I couldn’t stop talking about it. I even told my postpartum nurse. While HOLDING the baby. She called it buyer’s remorse, haha. Good news is, it somehow works out and soon you won’t remember a time that #2 wasn’t a vital part if your life. For the record, my 3rd is the sweetest, most awesome baby ever. It’s just scary to expand your family, even though it’s great. The anticipation is worse than reality 🙂
I am 35 weeks and have an almost 2 year old at home (both girls as well). I am absolutely terrified and already see the word FAIL flashing in my head over and over, especially since right now we refer to my daughter as the Terrorist Toddler. I had a woman at work corner me the other week and tell me that her children were 2 years apart and she spent most of the time with her 2nd newborn crying. I wasn’t sure whether to cry myself or body slam her against the copy machine. However, I had another friend with 2 girls that are 17 months apart tell me that it really isn’t that bad, you just do it. I guess we’ll see.
Not to make u more nervous but here’s my public service announcement regarding having more than one child…….It is not for the faint of heart……
http://lgoogoogaga.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/dear-mothers-expecting-baby-2/
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