I read this thread on twitter this morning from Gabrielle Blair, aka @designmom, that literally stopped me in my tracks. You might also know Gabrielle from her amazing blog and the fact that she was one of the very first mom bloggers to make a name a name for herself. I know, everyone doesn’t like the term “mom blogger,” but she’s got it right there in the name of her blog, as I do, so I’m going to stick with that description.
It’s about the onus put on women for unwanted pregnancies, and it’s a doozy. She makes the argument that it’s actually men who are “100% responsible.” Parts of it sound completely off the rails, and that’s why it’s so mind blowing. Because then you realize, she’s right— why would it be so crazy to put the onus on men? Or to suggest that they take some real responsibility with physical consequences?
I thought the whole thread was worth posting in full. I tried to embed each individual tweet but it kept getting messed up and I know not everyone will click over to twitter so, I decided to share screenshots of it instead. I hope Gabrielle doesn’t mind. I’ve met her and she’s wonderful in person and you all should follow her on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Read her blog too. She is not usually one to stir up controversy, which is another reason I’m so stunned (and impressed) with everything she said below.
And please. Weigh in on what you think in the comments, because Allie and I have not stopped talking about it since we read the whole thing ourselves.
I’m a mother of six, and a Mormon. I have a good understanding of arguments surrounding abortion, religious and otherwise. I’ve been listening to men grandstand about women’s reproductive rights, and I’m convinced men actually have zero interest in stopping abortion. Here’s why…
— Gabrielle Blair (@designmom) September 13, 2018
Follow @designmom on Twitter. She usually talks about travel and parenting.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-men!!! 🙌👏
WOW. Wowwwwwww. Thank you for posting this or I probably never would have seen it, and it’s going to prompt LOTS of interesting discussions around here.
Me neither but I am so glad I saw it – what a way with words! Laid out like that is awesome thank you!
This link has the whole thread laid out really nicely! https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1040363431893725184.html
Very interesting read. And thanks for the link above! I’ve shared it on my FB so we’ll see how that goes…
Very thoughtfully put. I hope more people read this and really absorb it. I live in a state where lawmakers are elected solely over their abortion views, and people are willing to stand for whatever crap our state government throws at us as long as the guys in office say they’re pro-life. It’s time for the tables to be turned on this.
I love designmom. And after this I love her even more. Thank you for sharing the screen shots.
I think the sequence of the screen shots is messed up here… The birth control discussion should all be together, I think… I saw this on twitter as well and thought it was amazing!
This is amazing, thank you for sharing it!
Dumbest shit i’ve ever read in my life morons I swear to god
Agree. Stupid.
Thank you for saying it. What ridiculous, contentious, accusatory, out of context non-sense this lady is spouting!
This is so ridiculous. The woman who let a man inside her without protection, is just as responsible. To put the blame on just the man is so stupid and ignorant.
What about the many women who don’t give permission for unprotected sex? Or the women who told her partner to use a condom and he lied or he took it off beforehand? You completely missed the point of this wonderfully written argument. He doesn’t face those consequences, and everything falls onto the women, no matter what her choice was.
touché!
Perfect. Shared.
Brilliant! Brilliant, Brilliant, BRILLIANT!!!!!!
WOW. So thoughtful and thought provoking. Thank you!
This thread is totally awesome. I wish we would teach boys that every time they unzip they should be prepared to be a father.
Good for her – laying it out how it is – I’m now a follower.
wow! thx! I’m speachless!
Thank you a bunch foor snaring this with all of us you really know what you’re talking
about! Bookmarked. Please also talk over with my web site =).
We could havve a hyperlink change contract among us
Great share! Thank you for this one.
There is such a thing as women who don’t like condoms. I am one of them and I’m currently pregnant with a surprise baby not unwanted, but a surprise. While I do agree that some men are irresponsible I also believe that some women can be irresponsible. The whole idea “it should be a law for men to get clipped at puberty” is dumb. There is no law that women have to get their tubes tied at puberty. Neither of those laws would ever be passed. It’s also not the law that women have to take any kind of birth control it’s a choice. If a woman wants her partner to use a condom she should speak up and say so and if the guy doesn’t agree then it’s her CHOICE to still sleep with him or not. This entire thread is redundant and I don’t understand the meaning of it. When she said “you might be thinking it takes two” that’s correct it does take two. My dad has always said it takes two to tango and he’s right. Men are NOT 100% responsible for unwanted pregnancies women have a voice just like the men they are sleeping with. She could say “do you have protection” if he says “yes” it’s her choice to proceed how she wants to and if he says “no” it’s still her choice to proceed how she would like. If he has no protection and she chooses to have sex anyway that’s her choice. I read that you said “pulling out is 96% effective” although that might be true there is still a 4% chance she could get pregnant. I also did my own research and read this “For every 100 people who use the pull out method perfectly, 4 WILL get pregnant. Pulling out can be difficult to do perfectly. So in real life about 22 out of 100 people who use withdraw get pregnant every year. That’s about 1 in 5.” Although those chances are low that’s still a chance. So her whole idea that it’s 100% a mans fault is false. It’s a women’s choice just as much as it is a man’s to have sex protected or unprotected. Abortion well that is murder if there is no dire reason for it. If you’re responsible enough to open your legs you’re responsible enough to have the baby weather you raise it or put it up for adoption. The only thing I agree on is the child support. If men are made to pay they should and if they don’t they should face consequences.
There are so many misconceptions with this. The pull out method is only 76% effective, possibly more if done right but that is really hard to do since pre ejaculation is a thing. A woman can get pregnant even DURING her period, although thats uncommon. Its is not a 2 day window to get pregnant, there is a 10 day very fertile window (5 days before and 5 days after ovulation), although the other days its still possible. On top of that, the reason why they stoppend mens birth control pills is because of the side effects, yes. But lets consider blood clots. A person has about a 3/10,000 chance of getting a blood clot. On birth control, that raises to about 6/10,000. For men, that raise is pretty bad, considering their chance otherwise is low. For women on the otherhand, they have a 12-30/10,000 chance if they get pregnant. So the BC keeps their risk from raising even higher even if it raises it a little. Its a pro to con ratio, and for women who get pregnant vs women who are not, that ratio is significant compared to mens ratio of on birth control vs not. Yes men should take more responsibility when it comes to sex/pregnancy, but ultimately, i wouldnt trust someone else to be in charge of what happens to MY body.
This is amazing, thank you for sharing it