People have always told me that I’m a lot like my mother, but I didn’t start to see it for myself until I became an adult. As I get older, I have more and more conversations with my mom where we say things like, “Me too! I’m the exact same way.”
For instance, recently my mom was recounting a situation at work and she said something like, “I’m never comfortable giving out information unless I am 100% sure that it’s correct so I assume that everyone else is 100% certain about what they’re saying as well.”
“I’m like that too!” I told her. Then we talked about how this seemingly positive trait often sets us up for thinking that other people are always more informed or bigger experts on subjects than we are, when actually, a lot of people are just speaking confidently out of their asses.
You don’t realize these things until later in life.
Teleflora just launched their “Just Like Her” campaign for Mother’s Day and asked me to write about all the ways in which I’m like my mom, so I’ve been giving this a lot of thought.
Here’s a similarity that I’ve come to recognize since we’ve been traveling a lot with the kids lately. Whenever we traveled as a family when I was younger, my mom would wake us up early and she’d have a million things planned for us to see and do during the day. My mom is a doer. No moment is ever wasted. I’m the same. I like constant action. If I wake up late or spend the whole day indoors, it makes me feel like I threw the day away. People always comment on Snapchat about how I’m always out and about doing so many different activities with the kids and I always say that it’s because we have no room to hang out in our apartment. That’s true, but it’s also true that I inherited my mom’s “carpe diem” gene.
We’re also both night owls. Which is great because at midnight when my whole house is sleeping, I can usually text her and she’ll still be awake too. We both just see more value in getting stuff done while we’re awake than having a good night’s sleep.
We’re also both people pleasers, although while I make my need to please more about being flexible and not creating conflicts, my mom goes another step and is super generous with her time and her willingness to help.
Thinking about the similarities between me and my mom made me start wondering if Mazzy and Harlow would one day recognize ways in which they are similar to me. Have they inherited any of my virtues or idiosyncrasies?
Mazzy definitely inherited my creative gene. She loves drawing and storytelling. And no matter what she creates, she always weaves in a little comedy. “Isn’t that funny, Mom?” she’ll ask me. She used to really appreciate broader humor, which she associates with her Dad, but I think as she gets older, she is beginning to see the nuances and sarcasm of Mommy’s humor. She has excellent comedic timing, which makes me very proud.
Often we’ll talk about what she wants to be when she grows up and I always try to expose her to all the creative positions that I never knew existed as a kid. I wanted to do something creative and I thought that meant I could be an artist, an actress or a musician. I never gave any thought to all the jobs that make up every one of those industries. I love to use my friends as examples— they are art directors, fashion designers, party planners, and home decorators. They all got there because of an interest in art, just like Mazzy. She loves tech too so I’ve talked to her about how art and tech combine to make animated movies. I love thinking about what would have gotten me excited as a kid and sharing it with Mazzy, because I know these possibilities will excite her too.
Another similarity is how we interact with our peers. Mazzy puts great value on her friendships, treats everyone fairly and would never hurt a fly. All wonderful traits. But having been like this my whole life, I know how it can make things difficult too. For instance, if Mazzy gets into a disagreement with a friend, that friend might say something hurtful to her and she’ll get upset. It wouldn’t even occur to her to say something hurtful to the person back. She really doesn’t understand why anyone would want to make another person feel bad. This is a good thing! But it also means that she is often the one who leaves a quarrel feeling wronged and like the friendship is ultimately more important to her than it is to her friend. This same trait made me very vulnerable as a kid and I often try to advise her with the hindsight of knowing exactly how I felt in these same situations. I wouldn’t want her to act differently, but it’s important for her to know that when someone says something mean, it says more about them than it does about you. I wish I understood that when I was her age.
Mazzy also shares my love of adventure. She is up for anything, totally fearless and also wants to have an action-packed day. I guess this means that trait was passed down from my mom to me to Mazzy. I bet the three of us would travel really well together.
Harlow beats more to her own drummer. She’s got a big personality and loves to perform. She’s weird and quirky in all the best ways. She reminds me a lot of what I was like when I was really little, before I started to care more about what people thought of me. Once I reached a certain age, I tried to stay more under the radar. What I try to do with Harlow is really encourage her to be her unique self. I treasure the quirks and the enthusiastic performances and make sure she knows that what makes us different is much more special than what makes us the same. I don’t want her ever to think she has to hide her Harlow-ness.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I used to think I was going to have a career in musical theater. I sang everywhere I went, whatever I could, whether people were listening or not. Harlow does the same. When we were in Park City and Harlow skied down a slope for the very first time, it gave me so much pleasure to listen to her hum a tune while she did it. I’ve been singing while I ski since I was a kid but that’s not something she ever would have witnessed me doing. Just born with the ski singing gene, I guess!
One thing my mom always did for me was encourage me to be myself and pursue what I was interested in. She didn’t really try to shape my personality or my likes and dislikes. She supported everything. She was always proud. That’s a set of characteristics I really hope I continue to practice as a mom now myself.
And that night owl thing? Clearly, Mazzy and Harlow caught that gene from my mom and me too, because they definitely didn’t get it from their dad.
If I’m lucky, one day far in the future, my kids will know that they can text me at midnight and I’ll be there to respond, just like my mom is now.
I’m giving away three $100 Teleflora gift cards in the comments below! Just tell me one way in which you are like your mom or your kids are like you. I’ll pick three winners at random on May 10th, so you can order your bouquets in time for Mother’s Day!
WINNER UPDATE:
Congratulations to Jenny W, Whitney H and Heather M! Please email allie@mommyshorts.com to claim your prize!
I believe that I inherited my mother’s trait of home cooked meals. Even tho may not always enjoy cooking, I do feel it is an important role as a mother to provide healthy food for my 5 children and husband. Having a home cooked meal everyday takes me back to my loving childhood memories and I hope that my children can carry that as well and hopefully inheret that from me one day.
Though only one and a half, my son, with his big personality, is already starting to resemble me in so many ways. One such way is in his curiosity. He really takes time to study everything, something I also do. It pleases me to see the gears turning in his mind as he figures out the world!
My mom and I are both night owls, too. I can totally relate to you with texting at night after everyone else is asleep. My 3 year old daughter is shy and very untrusting of strangers, just like me. My 4 year old son has my logic capabilities. It’s pretty amazing to see yourself in your children!
My daughter inherited my fearlessness, stubbornness, and love for the outdoors!!
I think I am most like my mom in that we are both people pleasers. Growing up I always so how selfless my mom was and still is. Always putting others first, being there to talk, sending a small something to make someone smile, etc.
And I think my son is most like me in the sense that we can’t shut up! Lol Growing up my family always teased me for never stopping talking! And now as my son is getting older, he never stops! 🙂 The difference however is that he is hilarious, always making us laugh. I just wouldn’t shut up! Lol
This post brought tears to my eyes. As we get older and our parents get older, it really makes you stop and appreciate all of these little things. I love reading your posts and seeing the sweet relationship your girls are developing. I have 2 girls a little younger than Mazzy and Harlow and they are just starting to develop their own relationship outside of me. It’s amazing to watch! My oldest is a sensitive soul, just like me, and wants her little sister to be HER little baby. She gets her feelings hurt when the 1 year old would rather her dad or I play with her.
I’m like my mom in the fact that I argue my point and I see it when it is happening yet I don’t stop it and my niece is like me in that she loves to bake and knows all her baking terms and has become quite a pro at naming problems with cakes she doesn’t like.
I have a 2 year old son who looks just like his father as a kid. But I love that I can see myself in his personality. I encourage him to be kind, to love others, to appreciate the things others do for us. When I see him model these behaviors, or repeat a statement I have said, my heart is full. The best is when I find him adapting these lessons I try to teach him to a particular situation. And how he loves to sing loud and often like his mama. Makes me proud!
My mom and I both had our appendix removed when we were 13 years old.
My mom and I both like traveling and trying new foods at new places. My daughter is like me in her stubbornness, o boy!
I love this! I definitely get a “flare for the dramatic” from my mom in that I can go from tears and being crazy mad to completely happy in five seconds. It drives my bf crazy. Now that we have our son who is 10 months old, it’s amazing to watch him scream and cry as if he was in serious pain to laughing in the next breath.
My kid is adopted, but we share the same social butterfly genes – much to my shy husband’s dismay, we both love crowds, parties, socializing with friends and family.
I’m like my mom in the “let them fall” perspective and then tell them they are “ok” while you wait that extra second before picking up into your arms.
My little Tillie bear is like me in that she curls her toes… is that genetic?! But really. She’s only one and has a spark about her that lights up any room she is in. Being honest, I have always been told that is me. It took me until adulthood to start to notice it. I always chalked it up to my petite size, red hair and loud chuckle… which Tillie was ever so blessed with.
Unfortunately my son inherited my “HANGRY” temper. We are screwed.
It is terrible how many times I have said “I am my mothers daughter” but it is also wonderful, because my Mom is great. She always puts her family first and loves to do things as a family, and I am the same way. My favorite days are the ones where I can drag my husband and son to some type of festival or event – just like my mom 🙂
I love this post. I haven’t given much thought to how my children are similar to me, so this made my day thinking about it! My son is detail-oriented, and likes things just so. He’s a neat packer, just like me. And he loves to read, just as I do. My first daughter is very empathetic. She just cares so much about others, and will always ask how someone is doing. She thinks about others often, and I just love this about her. I’m empathetic as well, and I’ve tried to teach my children this trait. However I don’t think it is always “teachable”, I think some are born more empathetic than others, and I believe all three of my kids inherited this trait. My second daughter beats to her own drum, is loud (very unlike me), sings a lot :), and is more outgoing than the other two. She is very loving, and very dramatic. She just likes to have fun all the time! She’s teaching me to let go of things and be more patient. I’ve noticed that when things get to be too much for her, i.e. too noisy, too stimulated, too tired, etc., that she just needs a break alone. I’m the same way, so we’ll go into her room or somewhere quiet and just sit and sometimes talk. It’s great bonding time, as well. My mother was always so loving with me, and I think this is what I am passing onto my children. She always gave hugs and was there to talk about things no matter what. These are a couple of things she taught me that I am noticing I give my children: time and love. I’m not perfect, neither was she, but I see my mother in myself more each day and I couldn’t be happier about that.
I am very much like my mom not only in looks, but also our worry wart tendencies. We’re both nervous nellies about different situations. My older daughter (3.5) has inherited my reserved personality and my emotional side so far. We’ll see what’s to come!
My mom and I are very different animals. I am very emotional, talkative, I like public display of emotion, etc. My mom is more reserved and the way she expresses her feelings is more pragmatic, by being always available, always there to help by acting and supporting her children. I recently became a mother myself (almost one year ago, yeahhhh for surviving this!), and now I understand how meaningful and reassuring this constant presence and support was for me and is important for kids. I feel so grateful my mom showed me this as an example of being a mom. Of course, displays of affection and cuddles and huggs are awesome, and I remain a huge fan, but I also do my best so that my baby feels that she’ll always be able to rely on me.
Thankfully I got my moms love for cooking and baking . Sadly my skill is nowhere near hers but the love is there!
And my oldest is daughter is definitely my mini me I see so much of myself in her I can only hope she ends up being a little more laid back than I am .
My daughter seems to have inherited my stubbornness and it’s not always the best feeling to get one of my “looks” back at me but….also love how outgoing and sure of herself she is (definitely not traits she gets from me).
My mother has a very giving heart – I’d like to think I’m the same way. Whenever she hears for someone going through a hard time, she’s the first to call or send a card. She’s taught me the importance of those small acts. My son is so young already but I think he’s inheriting my ability to look on the bight side of things. He’s a pretty happy kid who loves to laugh!
My mother and I are both worriers. Not warriors. Worriers. We worry about everything, It’s hard to make decisions when you are always looking at every possible side. And now I see I’ve passed it along to my son, too. I’m choosing to look at it as him being very thoughtful about things, rather than worrying about things. 😉
I loved this post. It’s so true – as I get older I see more and more often how alike my mother and I are. I really see a lot of myself in my older daughter. She loves to read, and is (like yourself and Mazzy) pretty in tune with what people think and wanting them to be happy.
I’m exactly like my mom we cant sit still -there’s always something to be done or some where we need to go. More than one day spent sitting inside gives us cabin fever and we might end up purging everything we own if the closests are all we have to look at for days haha (with Midwest winters that sometimes happens so look out for our donation piles and house remodels) I’m so grateful I inherited her gene of motivation and passion
I’m like my mom when it comes to her adventurous side. My mom loves to travel and is not afraid to be in a new place. That’s how I was growing up. I’ve always enjoyed traveling by myself and trying new food. With my kids, there’s a couple I see that are not afraid to try new things. They all love to go to different places. That’s what I like about my boys!
My 7 year old is just like me in that he has a big heart and hurts when he sees others hurting. Just a few nights ago I found him crying for what I thought was no reason. Come to find out he was crying because of the poor kids in the world. Turns out he was watching You Tube videos of fidget spinners (the new craze) and ran across an ad with clips of poor kids. He was so hurt by the thought of these kids not having food, clothes, a home,etc. I was that same way as a child and now as an adult!
My mom tells me my daughter is just like me in more ways than one! We both wake up in the middle of the night and struggle to fall back asleep. Once we are up, we’re up! We are often snuggled on the couch at 4am together!
I find myself making more things instead of buying them, just like my mother did!
We’re all budget conscious.
I total relate, I’m so much like my mom, and getting more like her every day. The coolest thing is watching my twins grow to be more and more like me in ways I didn’t expect! I also have one that marches to her own drum and I hope she doesn’t lose that ever!
My daughter looks just like me and acts just like me too. She wants things to be her way and she’s not afraid to say so. She’s sharply logical and full of sass and I dread the teenage years. Fortunately she’s also the sweetest person I’ve ever met. Must get that from her dad.
I love how much alike your beautiful family has become. Great read! My daughter is just like me; sassy, stubborn, and generous. She’s also is very logical for a 5 year old, and I find it absolutely hilarious! She gets that from dad.
It is amazing to me how much I am just like my mother. I always thought there were similarities of course, but since having children, I hear things come out of my mouth that are her. It’s scary, in a good way. As Oscar Wilde said, “All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.” I don’t really think it’s a tragedy, but you get the picture. 🙂
I love the expression “Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out” I hear it all the time when talking (yelling?) at my kids.
My daughter and I both wear our emotions on our sleeves. We have ALL THE FEELS. When I was little I cried at the end of Little Mermaid because Ariel had to leave her Dad…..sobbing in the movie theater. Flash forward a “few” years and what do I find in the theater during Moana? My girl sobbing because Moana grandma is gone. And don’t get me started on the two of us when Anna is frozen!
My four year old, my mother, and I all have the same dry sense of humor and we are all unbearably stubborn. I feel sorry for the rest of our family!
My mom is a very strong independent woman. She doesn’t need or wait for a man to do things for her. I am the same way. I thank her for passing that on to me and I am doing my best to pass it on to my girls. She is also very caring. It doesn’t matter who you are if you need help she will be there. I enjoy taking care of not only my family and friends but also my residents where I work.
I am so much like my mom that people often call me by her name! We look alike and have the same personality. My young daughters have already shown some of my personality traits…tender hearted and talkative!
My daughter – man she is stubborn just like me and she loves to test the boundaries of the rules.
My five year old daughter just loves being outside just like me. She wants to go outside everyday and love to go for walks. We are big on getting outside. I love being outside and walking. I’m glad she loves being outside. My son I think is too soon to tell who he’s more like.
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