I don’t normally decorate a tree (being Jewish and all), but this year, I will be celebrating Christmas at Poppy and Nonna’s house for the first time, where I hear they are saving tree decorating for our arrival.
Is this a good thing or bad thing? It’s hard for a Jew to tell.
Since I’m a total Christmas novice, I enlisted my friend Robyn Welling to teach me a thing or two about what it takes to make this particular magic happen. She advised me that before unpacking the ornaments or attempting to untangle the Christmas lights, I need alcohol— lots and lots of alcohol.
Then Robyn she did me one better! She put together a tree decorating drinking game to ensure the whole experience is as “magical” as possible.
Everyone got a cocktail in one hand, a breakable ornament in the other hand and a toddler clinging to your ankle?
Then let’s begin!
take a sip of your “HOLIDAY BEVERAGE” if:
• You open a box marked “XMAS DECOR” and it’s full of Halloween stuff.
• The boxes appear to contain 10% decorations and 90% glitter.
• Your kids start hanging ornaments before the lights are unpacked.
• You catch the cat with a mouthful of tinsel.
Take a gulp every time:
• A glass ornament shatters.
• Your kids argue about which one of them made the clothespin reindeer (and you can’t remember who is right).
• You dodge an obviously loaded question about Santa.
• The Christmas lights are all tangled and bundled up and crisscrossed and WTF is happening with these mother$%#@! lights?????
Take two long gulps when:
• You have to tell everyone to SHUT UP so you can hear the festive holiday music.
• You sob openly over preschool pictures in Popsicle stick frames.
• You can’t find the F’n box of tiny ornament hangers.
• You discover your toddler ate all the popcorn garland (including the string).
Drink directly from the bottle when:
• The lights do nothing.
• A fight breaks out over whose turn it is to put the star on top.
• You notice the entire tree is leaning 7 degrees to the left.
• You silently vow you’re not even putting up a tree next year.
Finish the bottle when:
• You realize you didn’t silently vow nixing the tree next year; you screamed it out loud.
Thanks for playing and have fun taking it all down in a few weeks!