This post was written by Bethany Thies of the notorious facebook page, “Bad Parenting Moments.”
Patrick’s work in Ireland was tough—he was constantly being beaten by thugs, harassed by royalty, and admonished by his superiors. After he died, he was largely forgotten. So…Patrick knew exactly what it was like to be a Mom. Who wouldn’t want to honor that with a little celebrating?
You probably used to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day by drinking too much Guinness with friends. Now it’s a little different.
You know you’re a parent on St. Patrick’s Day if…
1) There is no gold at the end of the rainbow. Or the staircase. Or the hallway. Just a pot of… laundry.
2) Your friends are in a bar. You’re in the McDonald’s drive-thru buying your screaming kids Shamrock shakes.
3) You’ll be wearing green but only because your baby’s diaper exploded. Peas were a poor choice.
4) People have been festively pinching you all day. Spoiler alert, it’s your kids. They pinch you everyday.
5) The only Patty’s Day party you were invited to was the one in your kid’s Kindergarten classroom.
6) You are 100% Irish and you didn’t even consider going out on St. Patrick’s Day. Because it’s Thursday. And the kids have school tomorrow. And babysitters are expensive. And you’re basically trapped for the next 15 years.
7) The only part of your Irish heritage that seems to have been handed down to your children is how to put their siblings in a headlock.
8) Little people running around acting drunk, wreaking havoc and causing mischief are not leprechauns. They are your children. And this is not just for holidays. This is your life.
9) When you go to a parade, you think, “Who is going to clean up afterwards?”
10) Instead of researching Paddy’s Day bar specials, you prepped for the holiday by building a leprechaun trap with your kids. And you couldn’t even get drunk while doing it, because you would probably cut yourself with a pair of scissors.
11) You looked on Pinterest for kid-friendly ways to celebrate the holiday. And Pinterest said, “Make a magical rainbow over your children’s bed while they sleep!” You’re like, “No.”
12) According to folklore, a voice came to Patrick in his dreams telling him to escape. He later became a saint. You also hear voices all the time telling you to escape but when you hear it, you’re “crazy and should see a doctor.”
13) You can’t wait for bedtime so you can finally crack open a beer. And then probably pass out before you finish it.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone!
————————-
To read more from Bethany, check out Bad Parenting Moments on Facebook.
Want Mommy Shorts delivered directly to your inbox?
Numbers 1 & 2 were exactly my life yesterday (except it was Wendy’s drive thru)
“According to “folklore” a voice came to St. Patrick. Eh? He was a proclaiming atheist who had a calling from God and then led 1000 ppl to Christ. Using a clover to explain the Holy
Trinity to the people who worshipped the earth so that they would understand. This Holiday came from an emended evangelical celebration… Leave it to the world to make it a drinking holiday. Sigh ????