On Monday, I wrote a post called "I Don't Know How She Does It Either" about feeling guilty for being a working mom. The response was overwhelming and I want to thank everyone for their thoughtful comments. I have read them all and will try to make time to respond this weekend.
It was especially great to read that so many women (and commenters I have become familiar with) are in similar situations. I was honestly scared to publish the post because I was afraid I would alienate a large percentage of my readers. It was also interesting to see a lot of stay-at-home moms relate to the guilt and commiserate from the opposite side of the spectrum, albeit about different issues— lack of personal income, loss of self-identity, etc.
I don't want anybody to feel like a bad mom or less than a complete person. But it's somewhat comforting to know that none of us have it all figured out and we are all in this together.
I am happy to say that there was not one judgmental or self-righteous comment below the post and I saw no evidence of a stay-at-home/working mom divide. Just empathy, support and a mutual respect.
I have real life friends from both camps and it's always been important to me that Mommy Shorts feels inclusive to every kind of parent.
To thank everyone for the honest discussion, The Weinstein Company is letting me give away one copy of "I Don't Know How She Does It"— the book.
Just leave a comment below and I'll pick a winner by the end of the weekend.
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GIVE A GOOD GIFT GIVEAWAY
In last week's Citrus Lane Giveaway, I had everyone name their favorite baby shower gift. As a result, I learned there are two kinds of pregnant women: practical and sentimental.
By far and away, the two most popular answers were 1) something handmade and 2) diapers. Apparently, running to Costco to purchase a economy-size pack of Pampers is just as invaluable as nine months spent embroidering a hand-knit wipes cozy.
LESSON: If you want to win "best gift" at your next shower, CROCHET A DIAPER.
Who won the giveaway, you ask? A very practical mom named Sarah, who's favorite baby shower gift was:
"A six-pack of 3-ply cloth diapers meant to be used as burp cloths. I have used those cloths every single day since our daughter was born, and I like having one in every room of the house."
Congratulations, Sarah! Please email me at myshort@mommyshorts.com to claim your prize. If you are a friend of Sarah, put those knitting needles away and buy this woman a box of Q-tips and some paper towels for her next birthday. She'll love it!
Between yesterday's Bare Essentials Baby Registry and the best baby shower gift comments under the Citrus Lane Giveaway— you are all set for life if you ever need baby gift ideas. Seriously— bookmark them.
You'll have acces to Ideas like the one from Whiskey L'Amour who made the same shout-out on both posts.
"NOSE FRIDA!"
Apparently, Whiskey L'Amour will not rest until every baby on earth has clear nasal passages.
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Is it Halloween Already?
Check out Mazzy in last year's sushi costume on Care.com. She's the lead picture for their article, "Quick, Easy & Mostly Free Costume Ideas". (Easy, my ass! There was actual sewing involved!)
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The Evil Baby Glare-Off
Based on reader responses last week, I am going to make the Glare-Off a week long dedicated Mommy Shorts event. It will happen at some point in October and I will post more details as soon as I have everything ironed out.
In the meantime, you can continue to enter your baby's evilest glares on the wall of the Mommy Shorts Facebook Fanpage. Just remember to include your kid's first name. They will not qualify without it. If your kid is already entered, please check the album and make sure their name is written underneath their picture. If not, add it yourself in a comment.
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Do You Have Something To Tell Us?
Some of you have noticed that I've been talking a lot about having a second child lately and wondered how I fared on the "Are You Mentally Ready For A Second Child?" Official Test. The answer is "toast and sunshine" although the toast isn't buttered and the sun is slightly blocked by passing clouds.
Translation: I definitely want one but it's not happening just yet.
But you all will be some of the first to know.
You have my word.
— Mommy Shorts
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UPDATE: Congratulations to Ashley! Please email me at myshort@mommyshorts.com to claim your copy of "I Don't Know How She Does It".
Um–that sushi costume?! Hello adorable. Also, Ill be crocheting a diaper for my next baby shower. You know…if I knew how to crochet. Have a good weekend! 🙂
I’m happy to hear that everyone was supportive and awesome with the working mom/ stay at home mom post. I’m sick of the divides and fighting. So yay!
Love the sushi costume, so cute!!
I just wanted to let you know that my 11 month old son smacked his bottle away and stopped watching Elmo’s World to turn and watch Mazzy in her sushi costume. So, you know, if she ever decides she likes younger men I’ve got a gentleman for her.
I would love to read the book! After your review, I’m a little scared to see the movie. (I hate it when I cry in public!)
There are many accessories for babies that I regret not having at my disposal 14 years ago when I began birthing my children.
The Nose-Frida is not one of them.
Moving on.
I’m glad you got nothing but support from Monday’s post. Because we’re all in this together!
(Well, not really. Usually we’re sobbing alone. At least physically. But mentally, we all meet up in the Land of Guilt. Hooray!)
Plus, Happy Friday.
Thank you for your registry ideas- but for myself. We were in the middle of one hell of a cold for my 3 month old when I discovered the nose frida on your site. Seriously saved my marriage. And sanity.
I was a bit afraid to read the working-mom post comments, too. Glad this is a happy place! And thanks for the contests!
Fine, Julie Gardner. Don’t come crying to me when your child/spouse/friend/neighbor can’t breathe, even after you’ve accosted them with that poor excuse for a turkey baster.
Your “I Don’t Know How She Does it Either” really hits home (but in a different way for me). The day I returned from mat leave I was laid off (product engineer in the telecom market, go figure) and eventually had to let go the nanny as the job prospects are non-existant right now. So rather than speaking in front of 1000’s about my product, I’m now speaking to an audience of one about what a cow says! Sometimes we have choices to make, sometimes someone else makes thoses choices for us. Overall, we just need to live in the moment and enjoy what we have!
I’m glad everyone was supportive. It’s too easy to judge other moms sometimes.
I’m commenting for the book! Does it come wrapped in a Collosal Crumbs Cupcake? Haha. Also that sushi costume was in Todays Parent in Canada with an article with same title! Is Mazzy now an international magazine star? And if you partnered her costume with rice krispie sushi, kudos! Finally – I have been around a lot of moms, both professionally and personally. The judgemental moms are by far the moms with the least self confidence, who can’t build themselves up without tearing others down, and who haven’t realized that in the ambiguous job of parenting, with so many variables in each particular situation, there is very rarely a ” right” way and a “wrong” way, but merely “different” ways. And that different is good not bad! My parenting friends all have different parenting styles to mine, and it is all good because we are there to be friends, not to judge! Some moms with similar style to me I won’t hang out with as can’t stand to hear them bitch about other Moms parenting styles.
You know what the Moms use in Africa to clear baby’s nose? the baster is the cutsie Western alternative. Not nearly as effective but less gross factor. The African method puts baby’s comfort over that of Moms. To each her own! I say whatever helps them to breathe and sleep is A-OK in my books – but as seasoned Mom of two, maybe I am just maxed out on grossness so nothing much phases me anymore 🙂
To say I have time to read from a book a real book that doesnt have teething marks, wet spots from drool or has a mark of something we will just try not to think about…well I would be lying, I have ten month old twins!. However to win a free book about something I could get a laugh from or better yet an aha moment Im all for.
I read your post the other day and I was so glad I wasn’t the only one who felt like that. I have an almost 3 year old and one on the way and my hubby and I both work 40 hours a week each. It kills me sometimes to be away from my son and just the thought of giving birth to my daughter and only having 6 weeks with her, when I had a full year with my son…well, I’m dreading it. There was so much I missed with him when I went back to work, I can only hope that our situation doesn’t call for me to go back full time for a while. And when I saw the preview for “I don’t know how she does it” I turned to my friend and said there was no way I could watch that movie since I would likely be bawling all the way through it. In fact, just the preview had me all choked up. My friend looked at me like I was crazy, but she doesn’t have kids so I guess it’s more of a mom thing.
Just wanted to say that I feel ya. I’m right there too.
Oh I just saw the movie and would love to read the book! No matter which side you’re on motherhood is one of the toughest jobs you’ll ever have!
I’d love to read the book. I struggle with how much I love what I do as a copywriter and how much I want to be a great mom, too. So I totally related to your post. Thanks.
I have already admitted I can’t do it all, am inept at juggling and if it wasn’t for whiteboards on the fridge, automatic alarms on my phone, laptop AND bedside table, I would be asleep 20 hours a day trying to recover from the trauma. Three kids under the age of 6, a full time career with travel adds to a mountain size serving of daycare and after care guilt. I cry a lot but also recognize that I would not be able to stay at home with them and be any more sane. I comfort myself with the incredible blinding and all encompassing love I feel when I check on them at night and pull the covers up, kiss their cheeks and count my blessings. Those that stay at home are my heroes and work harder in many ways. I pray for patience and enlightenment….or a stiff drink.
I like books! Right now I am trying to face the fact that I need to start looking for a job right now.. again. I gave up very quickly after graduating since applying for jobs is not very easy with a two year old obsessed with laptops. And while applying for grad school. And blahblahblah. But part of me already feels like he is growing so fast and I can’t keep up! Why am I still talking? Would love to read zee book before I see the movie.
good for you!
I have this book on my goodreads list. Would love to read it.
Of course someone had to mention the cupcakes. :drool: being a working mom is hard. So is a sahm. Being a mom is just hard! It’s nice everyone is so supportive.
I’d love to see the movie but no time so reading is a better option (I get those oh so sweet 30 minutes alone 5x a day while pumping!)
yeah 30 min because I melted half my pump gear in the dishwasher so i’m stuck doin’ it one at a time! I can’t win!
Haven’t seen the movie yet but I liked the book a lot. I checked it out of the library so a real copy would be awesome. =) can’t wait to read your working mom post. I have much working mom angst and have blogged about it frequently. I think there’s just no winning.