There was a moment at school drop-off this morning, when all the parents were gathered in the entrance before the doors opened, that I realized something. I am not a new parent anymore. Nope. I’ve got a seasoned third grader who has been at this school for three whole years and knows most of the people in the building.
I know or recognize most of the faces too. As I hugged and greeted the other moms, making small talk about how our summers went, I remembered being one of the new moms on the outside, looking in, wondering if I’d ever develop the kinds of friendships that these people seemed to have.
And here we are.
But enough about me. This post is about Mazzy. My beautiful bubbly girl, who was heading off to preschool just yesterday it seems.
Remember this kid?
As a refresher, she was the one who would wear nothing but dresses and pink. So much so that I started a whole Instagram account about it.
This little girl always wanted her hair as long as possible— Disney princess length. I liked it that way too. She’d sit still while I brushed, twisted and braided to my heart’s content.
Last year, as you know, Mazzy rebelled against pink. This year, she has expanded her hatred of pink to anything that looks even remotely girly. As adamant as she used to be about wearing only dresses, she is now that adamant about wearing anything but. She also rejects floral prints, cardigan sweaters and any closed-toe shoe that isn’t a boot or a sneaker.
The most excited I’ve seen her about an item of clothing lately was when she spotted a plaid flannel shirt in Target.
“Can I get that, Mom? It’s so cool.”
Yesterday, I took Mazzy and Harlow both to get haircuts. Harlow got the usual. For Mazzy, my intention was for her to get a trim. I asked them to cut off an inch and a half, but it ended up looking a lot shorter than I thought it would. The cut is cute and sporty and Mazzy loves it, but I miss her pretty flowing locks, long enough for braids, buns and Rey style ponytails.
At this length, I can’t make nearly as convincing arguments for her to pin it back away from her face.
I remember when I was younger, my mom would always tell me to pull my hair back so that she could see my face. I would get so mad at her. Now I totally get it. All I want to do is attack Mazzy’s hair with a brush and bobby pins from the second she gets out of bed. She gets mad at me too.
“I don’t have to look perfect,” she says as her hair hangs wild and messy.
I know. I just want to see her beautiful face.
This summer, Mazzy took a break from her multi-sport summer camp to attend a week-long ballet camp. She’s not interested in ballet but she wanted to do it to be with her friend. It was one week of rehearsals leading up to a Friday night production of Peter Pan.
The rules for dress all week were strict— leotards, tights, ballet slippers and hair tied neatly back in a bun.
I loved seeing her in that pastel leotard and bun. It reminded me of the little girl I put in ballet class as a toddler.
I miss that Mazzy.
It’s tricky as your kid gets older and starts to veer away from what you imagined. I don’t mean that as a bad thing. It’s wonderful to watch as your daughter figures out her own identity. But it’s a process of letting go too. Taking a step back and seeing who your daughter becomes. Trying to influence in the right ways and not the wrong ones. Also, I know I’ve talked about clothing and hair a lot in this post, but I’m not just talking about looks. Those are just the areas where most kids first assert and express themselves.
When it was time for the Friday production of Peter Pan, Mazzy dressed up in her pixie fairy costume— a green sequined number with spaghetti straps and tulle. I hadn’t seen Mazzy in a tutu in years and took a zillion pictures.
At the performance, I ooohed and aaahed over my gorgeous girl— so confident and clearly loving being in the spotlight, up on stage.
But when it was over, I reminded myself that I don’t have a ballerina or a fairy princess anymore. I need to take out my camera when she’s being herself and not just when she’s put together like I want her to be.
We haven’t figured out the colors on our butterfly quite yet. Mazzy will let us know as she grows.
And I will love whoever that is with all my heart.
I love every bit of this post.
Our daughters are in fourth and fifth grade this year. In our school district, the buildings are split K-4, 5-8, and then high school so this is a big year. We have a middle schooler. Sigh. They are growing too fast and their personalities are really starting to come through. It’s amazing and bittersweet.
Oh my gosh, I SOOOO relate. My daughter is also in third grade. Not quite as independent as yours, but really is becoming her own person. Thank you for this post. You hit all the feels for me. Sniff…
This post! YES! My son, who is now 12, is so much different than I thought he would be when he was little. I miss the cuddly, mommy’s little shadow that he once was. Now he is taller than me, getting more mature looking and talks and thinks about things that I just didn’t prepare myself for. With all that said, he is turning into a kind, funny, smart, obnoxious (he’s a pre-teen…all pre-teens are obnoxious), brave, amazing young man.
Where does the time go? I was reading Mazzy’s 1st birthday post just yesterday? She is growing into a gorgeous girl and I am loving that picture of her in the tutu. Would Mazzy like to have a new friend out at the summer house? EB is her age and I WOULD PAY Mazzy 200 dollars to play outside with her instead of being on the iPad all day.
I find so many similarities between Mazzy and my 7 year old. My daughters favorite color was pink and purple, she wore dresses and skirts everyday and loved everything princess. However, this has all changed. We just painted her room a light blue… she said I am done with pink and purple. Dresses and skirts are not practical anymore. It’s only comfortable clothes now. I guess I get it! It’s fun watching her find herself even though sometimes I want to intercept! I try so hard to bite my tongue and let her fly!! It sure is a fun adventure!
This made me cry. I have a daughter now, something that I never thought would happen (8 years of infertility) and I see myself in her and so much of what I want her to be. I want her to be more than who I am, to reach for the sun and beyond, to assert herself as a strong, confident girl and woman. Did I mention she’s only 8 months old? It’s different with a girl (I have a 12 year old son), so I see so much of what you say in my son and I know the day I see it in my daughter it will make me sad. We do everything in our power to instill confidence and individuality in our children, but when they finally make those choices it’s so hard to let go. Great piece. I enjoyed Harlow’s too. I am so very glad I discovered mommyshorts.
Can’t say that I can relate, I have 2 boys ages 3 and 6 months, so my insight is a bit different. I think this has always been what excites me about parenting. Maybe it is because in my own experience I felt like my parents thought I was or was going to be someone different than I am now. But even though sometimes, change drives me crazy, in terms of my babies I find it pretty exciting. I know my job is, like you said, to just instill to foundation, the base of just generally being a good person. If my boys can be a good person, who is kind and caring to everyone, than all of the other stuff is simply their own beautiful art for the world. 🙂
Your girls are beautiful. I enjoy your posts because it’s a breath of fresh air to see kids being independent and strong yet kind and playful too. You are doing a great job!