It’s only been one night of Passover so far and we’ve already been to two seders. Our first seder was actually the night before the first night of Passover because that’s the only day that Mike’s Aunt Judy and Uncle Joe could get the whole family to come.
Mazzy and Harlow are now old enough to be expected to sit through the seder, but too young to remember how boring it can be until we are about five minutes in. Then it’s like— Oh. This sucks. WHEN CAN WE EAT????!!!!!
Here are the 15 phases of your kids sitting through a Seder:
1) Yay! We’re at Seder! We love Jewish holidays! Passover is the best!
2) MOM!!! Where’s the GRAPE JUICE???!!!!
3) GRAPE JUICE IS THE SHIT.
4) Ummm…are we going to eat anything any time soon?
5) I guess we’ll have to make due with this matzah.
6) Oh good! Soup!!!!
7) Wait a second. I don’t even know if I like soup….
8) Yeah. I definitely don’t like soup.
9) What else is there to eat on the table that I can look forward to?
10) Hmmm…a fishy smelling oblong meatball looking thing, hot pink spicy looking mush, something that looks like cement, a boiled egg, parsley, salt water, a bone with no meat on it….
11) Yeah. There is definitely nothing I want to eat on this table.
12) MOM! WHAT OTHER FOOD IS COMING OUT?
13) You’ve got to be kidding me. We can’t eat anything for another half hour? And you’re going to make us sing songs in Hebrew in front of the family by ourselves first???
14) Just keeping drinking to get through it, Harlow.
15) Wake me when it’s Hanukah, Mazzy.
One more seder left to go! Oddly enough, it’s still my favorite holiday. Torturing the kids is all part of the fun.