It’s time to reveal the winners to this month’s souped up #MommyShortsBook Swag Bag! Whether you were posting pics of “The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting” on Instagram because you genuinely wanted to recommend the book to your friends or because you really really wanted to win, I don’t care. I loved seeing all the pictures in the hashtag just the same.

I loved them so much, I won’t even make you wait until the bottom of this post to find out the winners. The runner-ups are Rebecca T, Cara M, and Carinn H and the grand prize winner is Alyssa P!!! Congratulations to all. Please contact to claim your prizes.

The winners were picked at random (no extra points for creativity) but I still wanted to show off my favorite shots. Most people I know who have not purchased my book yet have said, “But when would I find time to read it???” Yes, I know. You can no longer read a book out on the couch like normal people who don’t have little hellions running around trying to distract you. But here are a few stellar ideas…

1) You could read it in the bathroom. DUH.


2) You could read it in the bath.


3) You could read it while you are taking your glucose test at the ob/gyn.


4) You could read it while trapped under your napping baby.


5) You could read it while your kid fixes his own lunch.


6) You could sit your kids down for dinner and read it at a separate table.


7) You read it after you drop the kids off at school.


8) You could read it after the kids go to bed.


9) You could read it when your kids finally go to bed after coming in and out of their room to complain they can’t sleep for the past two hours.


10) You could read it at the gym.


11) You could read it as your excuse not to go to the gym.


12) You could read it when you should be doing the dishes.


13) You could read it instead of cleaning up the toys.


14) You could read it instead of tackling the laundry.


15) You could read it while you should be working.


16) You could read it in between contractions.


17) You could create a book club just so you and your friends could all read it together.


18) You could read it while thanking your lucky stars that you are flying solo.


19) You could read it during an episode of Doc McStuffins.


20) You could put on a second show and read some more.


21) You could lock your kid in a dog crate and finish the whole goddamn book.


22) You could read it while your kids recreate scenes from page 136.


23) You could read it while you get a much-needed pedicure.


24) You could ready it while your husband keeps asking you, “What’s so funny????”


25) You could run away from your family to read it in a faraway cabin.


26) You could read it on your trip to Norway.


27) You can read it so you don’t have to watch your kid mutilate a perfectly good sandwich.


28) You could read it after rescuing your kid’s most prized possession.


29) You can read it with your remarkably average mug.


30) You can read it with your remarkably above average mom.


31) You can read it with your unborn baby, without realizing this is probably your last chance to read anything but “Goodnight Moon” in a very long time.


What should you do with the book when you are done with it?

You can give it to your kids to read. (And hope they bypass the inappropriate parts.)


You can use it to hold your baby down.


You can use it to cover your baby’s face.


You could hand it to your kid so you could partake in some remarkably average baby mugging.


And there you have it! Congrats to the winners and thanks to everyone for participating. FYI, I’ve been updating the “kids in the book” post when new people post pictures, so thanks for continuing to send them in!

If you haven’t bought your copy of “The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting,” WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???

The holidays are coming up. I hear it makes a great gift 🙂