When Plum Organics contacted me about participating in their new “Parenting Unfiltered” campaign, I thought— No problem, that’s pretty much what my blog is about all the time anyway.
But then, as the post got closer and closer on the calendar, I started to realize how hard this was. Cara, the person who helps me manage my editorial calendar (yes, I am no longer a team of one), has been calling me every morning when I walk into my office.
“Did you take photos of your morning today?”
“No. It was a complete shit show. I went to sleep late last night and the kids were up at the crack of dawn and I needed to shower and Mazzy refused to put her shoes on and Harlow freaked out because I wouldn’t hold her while I was making her waffles—”
“Yes,” Cara says. “That’s the point. You are supposed to show the shit show.”
“Oh, right. Okay. I’ll do it tomorrow.”
But then the next day the same thing would happen.
“Did you take the pictures?”
“NO.”
“Why not?”
“Because taking photos is the last thing I am thinking when I want to strangle myself with my children’s numerous blankies.”
I am not the kind of mom who whips out her camera when my kid starts crying (although I have caught a few). I tend to put the camera away. Not because I am trying to project some perfect version of motherhood. More because I think it’s disrespectful, especially since I am in their faces with my camera all the time.
That’s not to say the occasional photo of your child crying is a problem— I appreciate the humor in a toddler distraught over the end of a Paw Patrol episode just as much as the next parent— but with my kids, who I have documented so much online, I try to reign in the future embarrassment as much as possible.
But please understand— just because I don’t post many pictures of my kids crying, doesn’t mean they never cry. THEY CRY ALL THE TIME.
Mazzy has a lovely fake whiney cry she pulls out whenever I ask her to pause her show and get dressed in the morning. “BUT I’M GOING TO MISS IT!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAHHHH!!!”
“Mazzy. It’s an episode of Bubble Guppies permanently recorded on our DVR, accessible through On Demand and most likely available on YouTube. You will not miss anything.”
That’s what I think. What I say is more like, “I DON’T CARE! GET YOUR CLOTHES ON RIGHT NOW OR ELSE WE WILL MISS THE BUS TO SCHOOL!!!!”
Harlow has figured out something way more effective than crying. It’s called “screeching” and Mike, in particular, will do anything she asks just to make it stop.
“You want to eat a lollipop at 7am while watching Orange is the New Black in a chair dangling from the ceiling fan? Will it make that horrific sound stop? Yes? THEN BE MY GUEST.”
And that says nothing about what happens between the two girls in the morning.
MAZZY: I want to watch Bubble Guppies.
HARLOW: No. Paw Patrol.
MAZZY: BUBBLE GUPPIES!
HARLOW: *INDICEPHERABLE SCREECHING*
MAZZY: WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
HARLOW: *DINOSAUR SOUNDS*
MAZZY: But I waaaaaaaaaaaannnaaaaa waaaaaaaaatch Buuuuuuubble Guuuuuupieeeeeeees…..
HARLOW: *NAILS ON CHALKBOARD*
And on it goes until we shut off the TV for good and they can make actual water-based tears together. That’s when Mazzy will usually position herself on the couch so she is a hair closer to Harlow than Harlow would like.
HARLOW: SCREEEEECH!!!!!
MAZZY: I diiiiiidn’t doooo anythiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!!
HARLOW: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!!
MIKE: YOU ARE TOUCHING YOUR SISTER. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE STOOOOOOP!!!!!
The next step is getting Mazzy dressed. She likes to wear one skirt and only one skirt— the one with the flamingos on it. You might recognize it from EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY PHOTOS.
Once dressed, Mazzy eats dry cereal, assorted buttered bread items and strawberries. I have completely given up trying to give either of my girls protein in the morning.
Usually, I help Mazzy get her shoes and socks on while she’s eating because it’s just more efficient that way. And by “help” I mean “I do it for her”. Which also means Mazzy probably won’t learn to completely dress herself until she goes to college.
I also brush Mazzy’s hair while she’s eating breakfast, which sounds sort of disgusting now that I am making this public, but it is what it is.
Brushing is always met with shrieks of “YOU’RE HUUUUUUUURTING MEEEEEE!!!!!”
ME: This does not hurt that bad.
MAZZY: YES IT DOES.
ME: I know it doesn’t hurt that bad because I have been brushing my own hair for my entire life.
MAZZY: OwwwwwwWAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Oh, the drama. You’d think an alligator bit off her hand.
Next, Mazzy and I race to the bus, tapping on the door just as the bus is about to drive away. We are those people.
You know how I’ve talked about the bus ride with Mazzy to school being my favorite part of the day? That’s true. What is also true is that Mazzy now has friends who ride the bus and the second she sees one of them get on, she kicks me out of my seat so that she can sit with her friends instead. That’s cool.
And that’s just the mornings. You remember what our evenings are like, right? Also a shit show.
SO. I don’t have exact pictures to go along with these events because you cannot live them and take authentic pictures at the same time, in my opinion.
But I will share a few more “unfiltered photos” that probably wouldn’t do that well on Pinterest.
Here’s Harlow eating spaghetti like a lady:
Here’s Mazzy after she was had a few unsupervised minutes with a pink stamp pad:
Here’s Harlow eating pancakes at a restaurant, which seemed fine until we got up to leave and realized she had spilled a cup of syrup on Mike’s winter jacket:
Speaking of Mike, here he is on kid watching duty:
And lastly, here’s me having a super special moment with my firstborn:
Today, I am giving away three $75 Plum Organics prize packs to people who share #parentingunfiltered photos on Facebook and Instagram.
To enter on facebook, just post your photos on the Mommy Shorts facebook page. To enter on Instagram, just hashtag your photos #parentingunfiltered and make sure to tag @mommyshorts and @plumorganics. Winners will be announced on May 29th.
Plum Organics is the nation’s #1 organic baby food brand and believes in getting the very best food to little ones from the very first bite. They also believe embracing our common challenges as parents is the first step to having a better life.
If that’s the case, thanks Mazzy for the eye roll in that last picture. I feel like a better mom already!
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This post was sponsored by Plum Organics. To see more parenting unfiltered photos, click here.
My daughter has started crying (actual tears plus some whining) any time I get close to saying no to something simple. I haven’t given in, so I have NO IDEA why she thinks it’s going to work. I appreciate the realness, but I’m the same with not taking pictures of her while crying (usually, I do have one or two).
Getting my five year old to put his shoes on is a daily struggle. Put them on while he’s eating breakfast, you say? I’ll save myself 20 minutes every morning!
We do the hair brushing while they eat breakfast, too. They are hungry enough in the mornings to be distracted and I only hear a few muffled growls and get the stink eye a few times.
I am pretty sure you just described my children. The act exactly like this.
Thank goodness – I thought we were the only ones this happened to!
I love this post…..on another note, what is the wall color in your bedroom? I love it!
It’s all so normal. I’m going to honest, I have run my fingers through my daughter’s hair and stuck it in a pony tail in lieu of actual brushing just to get her out of the door on time. To be fair, this child has super thick hair and it takes a lot of time to brush through it all. And yes, screechy wails and cries accompany every brush session.
That last photo is hilarious. Loved this post!
This made my morning!!! An exact description of me and my kids. The crying over nothing, the annoying sounds, the not putting shoes on and me saying, “I don’t care, we are going to be late!” Please tell me we were once this horrible to our parents because my parents claim I never acted like my children. What are we all doing wrong? Or is this the life with little ones? I personally put the shoes on the two year old while eating breakfast, but I will make the older one walk out of the house without shoes on if she doesn’t put them on herself.
Perfect Parenting 101:
In order to lay in bed on Saturday morning till 8a, both my kids are laying beside me on their iPods (simultaneously playing Magic Piano but two different songs). At least they’re not fighting! 😉
I have been known to set things within reach outside of my son’s crib so he can grab them and play in his crib so i can lay in bed for ten extra minutes on a Saturday morning.
Thank you gor this post. I’m not sure but for some reason I thought just my life was like this. I laughed out loud almost the whole time reading it. I always laugh while reading your posts. Thanks for being honest enough to show what really goes on during your day. I have a two year old (who is Harlow’s twin separated at birth) and six year old. I can relate. Also, good luck!
For protein in morning or anytime try 2 bananas and 2T of peanut butter mash up and freeze the night before. It turns into high protein ice cream. Yes, my 2 year old thinks she is having ice cream for breakfast every morning
Thank you for this! Its good to see other people’s ‘real’ so I don’t feel like its just me. That last picture made me laugh out loud- that is about half the pics I get with my kids. 1/4 are them making weird faces, and the rest is wiggling, fighting, turning away, or accidental smiles.
Best post ever! Thank you for making my mornings feel very normal. I get the evil eye glares, the “i’m going to die” because you are brushing my hair, the my sister is sitting too close to me moments all the time!
Ever try the wet brush- found it on amazon. Works great for little kids. I use it too. Doesn’t hurt!
The wet brush rocks! Breakfast in the morning also involves me putting on my daughter’s socks, shoes, and brushing her hair. Saves a ton of time and agony! She’s the same age as Harlow.
You realize that your girls STILL LOOK ADORABLE IN THE PHOTOS, right?
I giggled through this whole post because it was like reading a play by play of my mornings (except one boy and one girl, but just as much screeching and crying). Does this end before they leave home?
I put my 4 year olds shoes on every day while he glazes over watching paw patrol. I think he believes fairies put his shoes on when he’s not looking.
OMG!!!! I laughed so hard I cried at the photo of Mike on kid duty!!! I love it!
My guys were all doing relatively well (okay, I’m so lying right now) until we had our new addition to the family. Now, my new 4 year old and my permanent 5 year old constantly whine over “he’s touching me” “she’s on my side” “huggie huggie” “no you have girl germs”… every single freaking day. And the screeeeetch… yeah… my two year old has that down pat too!
#commiserate #ineedwine #sigh
Thank god it’s not just me. I feel like I sound like a goddamn drill Sargent in the mornings. And holy hell the drama of a shirt not hitting at the exact length she wants it to THAT day. You know as opposed to other days when it miraculously changes length and suddenly fits fine. Or the pants that are too tight today suddenly fit tomorrow. Child is 4. It’s not like she has to worry about her period and bloating. Yeesh. God help us when they are teenagers. I may take a job that forces me to travel 3 weeks of the month so I don’t have to deal
OH MY GOD THE SCREECHING. My oldest is 4.5 and youngest just turned 2 and it sounds like they have the same sibling dynamics as Mazzy and Harlow. I should invest in some ear plugs.
I don’t think it ever ends. I have a 9 yr old & 6 both girls. I still brush my oldests hair because of how thick it is. She still whines at me the whole time that it hurts. They dress themselves but I have to tell them endless times to get ready for school. The bickering between sisters never ends or it hasn’t yet.
Oh my gosh this was the best port. Bloggers they’re just like us. Now I can go back to drooling over your kids amazing outfits, bedrooms and scooters.
I don’t have kids but I enjoy your Instagram and this post made me laugh out loud the whole time. I love when I meet real, normal, sometimes freaked out moms. This is how it is. Why sugar coat it? 😉 It’s encouraging for those with and without kids. Your kids are cute, you’re hilarious. Keep up the good work!
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