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After I published the many many pics it took to get Mazzy’s perfect “first day of kindergarten” photo, I asked fans of my facebook page to submit their less-than-stellar outtakes as well.

Not the one photo they chose to represent their child’s back-to-school moment and post online for all their friends and family to see. I wanted to see the photos they planned to delete from their camera phones so that ten years from now, they can look back and think their child cooperated willingly at all times.

Thankfully, I am not the only mom out there with a kid who doesn’t know how to look at camera, smile and hold a sign straight all at the same time. In fact, there are far more ways your back-to-school photo shoot can go wrong than I ever imagined.

There’s the kid who won’t stop screaming…

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The kids who got sun in their eyes…

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The kid who thinks his sign is too heavy…

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The kid who put his sister in a chokehold…

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The kid who couldn’t keep her tongue in her mouth…

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The kid who lost an eye…

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The kid who forgot how to smile…

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The kid who forgot to wear clothes…

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The kid who thinks he’s a dinosaur…

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The kid who just wanted mom to stop taking pictures already…

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The kid who refused to look at camera…

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The kid who just learned how to wink…

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The kid who covered his face with the sign…

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The kid who covered his face with his laptop…

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The kid who was sick for the first two days of school…

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The kid who just wants to get in the car already…

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The kid who had pop rocks and lemonade for breakfast…

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The kid who thinks school is WAY TOO EARLY…

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The kid who won’t get up off the floor…

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The kid who’s got no time for pictures…

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The kid who hasn’t liked school for three years and counting…

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The kid who had a muscle spasm…

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The kid with the mom who will photoshop the sign in later…

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The kid who thinks his backpack is way too heavy…

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The kid who has something crusty in his eye…

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The kid who hopes if he closes his eyes, school will just go away….

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The kid who refuses to fake excitement…

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The kids who are competing in the “Crabbiest Face Competition”…

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The kids who look like they are all in pain…

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The kid who prefers a pirate snarl to smiling…

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The kid who hates everything about this…

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The kid who is just not having it…

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The kid who tries to hide under the car…

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The kid who knows she got the raw end of the deal (photo submitted by the hilarious Baby Sideburns.)…

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The senior who is way too old for this shit…

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I’m sure all your kids had a better first day than their photos indicated. If you’ve got more funny school photos, please post them on the Mommy Shorts facebook page.

If you want to pretend life is a series of good photos where kids always cooperate, follow me on instagram.

By the way, after Mazzy’s first day, we decided to surprise her by taking her out for cupcakes right before bedtime. That’s when I finally found a chalkboard to use in Mazzy’s first day of school photo.

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Probably not what the “Good Parents Club” had in mind.

Here’s one of Mazzy and Harlow together.

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They are not nearly as drunk as they look.

If you’d like to vote for the Method Horrible Household Smells headline contest, you can find the ten finalists here. If you want to enter the “Picky Eaters Club” contest, you can read about it here. If you want to enter my last Evenflo car seat giveaway, you can do it here.

Have a great weekend!

xo, Mommy Shorts