Somehow "baby wigs" became a trending topic over the weekend and it had nothing to do with me. WHAT??? I go away for one long weekend and suddenly the only topic that FOR SURE leads back to Mommy Shorts is ripped out from under me?!
Well, now I feel obligated to cover it, even though I'm pretty sure I'll get twenty "unsubscribes" from people who think baby wigs are all I talk about now.
Baby wigs were invented, not because some mom REALLY REALLY wanted to win an epic baby hair contest, but because some mom was tired of people confusing her VERY FEMALE yet VERY BALD baby for a boy.
That's a fate worse than death, in case you were unaware.
Most mothers (who care about such things) are perfectly content to attach hugeass flowers to elastic headbands and force their babies to wear them in photos, in public and most likely, while they sleep at night, so that the mothers themselves don't confuse their own girl babies for boy babies during especially exhausting late night feedings.
Well, one mother was so appalled by her baby girl's hairless head loved her little lady so much, she created an entire baby wig so that nobody ever confused her Brianna for a Brian again. THANK GOD!
But why stop at one baby? Shouldn't all baby girls have the locks of a lady? As a courtesy to bald baby girls everywhere, a company called "Baby Bangs" was born and now sells baby wigs for $29.95 a pop.
This way, your baby girl can have the "f*hairy*tale" she deserves. That atrocity of a word was taken straight from their website. And you thought we had exhausted hair word play with "Coif Kerfuffle"!
Sadly, Baby Bangs will not even qualify your baby for epic baby hair status. They are tasteful(?) and look like actual baby hair.
What, pray tell, is the fun in THAT???
Now, most blogs are just reporting on the baby girl toupees above. But since I must maintain my leadership status in all things baby wigs, I spent a good five minutes researching alternative baby hairpiece products.
Allow me to introduce you to Bebe Doos. They make your baby look like a combination of a child from Whoville and a french poodle. But don't worry— definitely a GIRL POODLE.
If you love the look of Bebe Doos but are worried your friends and neighbors will think you are completely wackadoodle for putting it on the head of your baby, I've got a solution for you. Sign up for the next Little Miss Baby Universe pageant. I think you'll fit right in.
If Bebe Doos is entirely too tame for you, head on over to Stupid.com where you can purchase a baby afro for the low low price of $8.95.
FYI- that site name is not a joke. Seriously. Click on it.
But my favorite baby wig by far, the one I would potentially put on my own baby, has got to be the ode to my childhood friend, Myra Alannah. That would be the name of my Cabbage Patch Kid (RIP).
THIS, my friends, is a baby wig I can get behind.
It's just $30 on Etsy and they make adult versions too! So if you STILL think baby wigs are totally weird, you can drop your kid off at school/go to work/etc. in a PERFECTLY NORMAL cabagge patch kid wig all by yourself, no babies required.
And now, I promise to adbandon this topic forever.