Today I was supposed to post the finalists for the Epic Baby Hair Contest and I'll just cut to the chase— it's not gonna happen. Last night, I got derailed by something I'm calling Toddler Facebook Gate and I didn't get around to organizing the photos until this morning and HOLY SHIT GUYS, THERE ARE A LOT OF PHOTOS.

I know some of you were left out of the fanpage album and some of you submitted on instagram under #epicbabyhair and some of you just read about the contest on HuffPost and are currently flooding my inbox with more photos and try as hard as I might, I just can't come up with one more name for a baby faux hawk.

Mommy Shorts consists of one person with two kids, a full time job and bad allergies and we are all just going to have to hold hands and wait until Monday.



Now on to Toddler Facebook Gate…


Do you like my new graphic with my logo on it THREE TIMES?

I don't want to say a lot about it but in a nutshell, PEOPLE BE STEALING MY SHIT. The post in question was taken down and I have a lot of new facebook fans as a result so I am not going to complain too loudly. Thanks to everyone who commented, shared, got banned from the page in question, etc. I love you all dearly.

Hey, you guys— Have you heard of this thing called Baby Mugging???

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According to Yahoo News, Baby Mugging is the newest trend taking over the internet! I thought Baby Mugging was out and Cat Bearding was in, but what the hell do I know? Check out this video from Yahoo News posted yesterday. They even posted a picture of my blog and gave me credit for starting the whole damn thing so Yahoo is my new best friend. Yes, that's right. We're going for coffee at noon and exchanging friendship bracelettes.

Remember way back when I gave away a copy of Moms Who Drink and Swear but then I never actually gave away a copy because I forgot to pick the winner? YEAH. 

The winner is…Lisa Hatfield! Lisa's favorite swear word is "Holy Fuckbuckets".

Well, HOLY FUCKBUCKETS LISA— you just got yourself a free book!


What else happened these past few weeks besides me drowning in baby hair?

I had a moment at a Bar Mitzvah

• Harlow became "The Most Interesting Baby in the World"

• Mazzy became a superhero— a very pink superhero

I tried to take a shower

Mazzy apologized for this whole year

• My old boobs wished me a Happy Mother's Day

• My own daughter would not

• We saved our sanity with a pool noodle, a band aid and a puppy pee pad

Harlow turned six months

• Mazzy turned into a sex crazed teenager

Jimmy Kimmel beat me at my own game

• Our husbands ate sandwiches while we birthed their children

and most importantly…

I became an aunt!

To everyone new around here, thanks for stopping by. I promise I am usually a lot more organized. Well, my kitchen counter looks like a garage sale, but my blog is usually pretty tight.

The only way I can think to end this post is with one image.



Now if someone would steal the photo, remove my logo and put their logo on it instead, my week would be complete.

Have a good weekend!

— Mommy Shorts