Book Giveaway: "Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures"
It seems a little silly for me to introduce you all to Amber Dusick. I'm pretty positive, if you are a parent with a computer, you are already well aware of her. But, just in case you are living in the back of my coat closet in the storage bin that houses all the ski clothes I haven't worn since 1992, I will explain.
Amber Dusick writes an extremely popular blog called Parenting Illustrated with Crappy Pictures in which she writes parenting stories illustrated with crappy pictures. If that doesn't sound like the funniest thing you have ever heard than you are not using your imagination. Check out "Going Viral, The Puking Kind" and "Public Toilets Vs Newly Potty Trained Girls and Boys" to fully understand the genius behind a badly drawn baby.
Amber came out with her first book this week (Congratulations, Amber!) called "Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures" (obviously) and I could not be more excited to read itβ my copy is currently en route.
To help promote Amber's book, I've got two things going on today.
1) I'm giving away a copy! For a chance to win, leave a comment under this post.
2) Amber did me the supreme honor of illustrating Crappy Pictures for one of my old posts.
I must say, I'm feeling a little weird being allβ Amber is so hilarious! Now, read something of mine! But a mom blogger must take thrills where she can get them and seeing myself and Mazzy illustrated in crappy pictures might be my biggest brush with greatness since Christain Slater autographed a playbill for me in the early 90's. (No, I was not wearing my ski clothes at the time.)
Amber chose the post herself (it's from just before Mazzy turned two) and I'm hoping that for many of you, it is your first time reading it.
Please notice Amber's attention to detail. Crappy Mazzy has a Crappy Bow in her hair.
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ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A KIDDIE PARK?
Written by Me, Crappy Pictures by Amber Dusick
I loved amusement parks as a kid (the scarier the ride, the better) so I was super excited to take Mazzy to her first kiddie park. I figured she was too small to go on most of the rides but at least she'd go on the carousel and kick some ass at Wack-A-Mole.
Then the ticket booth lady said Mazzy could go on ALL BUT TWO of the rides.
REALLY? Are you sure you are not mistaking my kid for the fourteen-year-old with the neck tattoo behind me?
Yes, she was sure.
We started easy with a train that went around in a circle at .00000002 miles per hour. I rode next to Mazzy with my arm laid over her lap just in case she tried to wriggle free from the seatbelt, jump out action-movie-style and scream βThomas!β before running headfirst into the front car.
Miraculously, Mazzy sat still, tightly grasping the steering wheel for the entirety of the ride.
Next we moved on to a boat ride where Mazzy continued to surprise by not diving head first into one foot of water.
With two successes under our belt, we got more adventurous and tried the plane ride, the big slide and the mini roller coaster. Mazzy emerged smiling after each one and suddenly I had visions of future mother-daughter upside-down roller coaster rides, alpine slide races and sharing a tube in the Tunnel of Terror at Splish Splash.
I thought about how much different I was going to be from my own mother, whoβd sit on the sidelines waving and snapping pictures no matter how much I begged her to come along.
βGo with your dad," she'd always say. "I belong on the ground."
At the end of the day, we had one more ride ticket left. After scanning the park, I decided to take Mazzy on a harmless looking apparatus with a cheerful sounding name.
We sat side-by-side as the "Happy Swing" started slow and steady. I yelled βwhee!β on each downward motion, just in case Mazzy was unaware we were having fun.
Then the swing picked up speed.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
Hmmm. This seems a bit more dangerous than it did from the ground.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
I found myself gripping Mazzyβs leg to make sure she stayed put.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
Suddenly, I felt my stomach drop as if someone had just pushed me off the side of a cliff.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
My brain rattled inside my head as my fingers practically bore holes into Mazzyβs thigh.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
We were going to be thrown from the swing. I was sure of it.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
OH MY GOD WOULD THIS THING EVER END??!
I tried not to puke as I angled my head to make sure my baby wasn't crying. Then I offered her the only reassurance I could.
Mazzy looked like she was in a state of shockβ staring straight ahead, eyes wide as her hair whipped wildly above her. I was positive that if she survived the ride, this would be our first and last trip to the amusement park. She would forever be the little girl scarred by a crazy motherβs overzealous decision to take her on the most nausea-inducing ride in the park.
Finally, the swing began to slow and my hand loosened itβs grip on Mazzyβs leg. My stomach tried and failed to settle back into place as the ride screeched to it's upchuck-worthy end.
I looked at my poor 21-month-old daughter, prepared to plead forgiveness and assure her that this was the last time Mommy would ever place her in harm's way.
Mazzy was expressionless, still staring straight ahead. I touched her leg gently.
βMazzy, itβs over, I promise.β
Nothing.
Oh my god. I'd killed her.
Then suddenly, her eyes sprang back to life and her arms flew over her head.
In that moment, I became my mother.
Go with your dad. I belong on the ground.
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GIVEAWAY RULES
To win a copy of Amber Dusick's Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, just leave a comment below. Winner will be announced next Friday. If you can't wait that long, you can purchase a copy by clicking the Amazon link below.
Big thanks to Amber for drawing me in slimming black with lots of hair!
hahaha.. made me laugh. My daughter is 21 months so I can totally imagine this happening with us π
freaking hilarious!!!!
I follow parenting illustrated with crappy pictures. It’s a hysterical blog! Would love to win Amber’s book!
Would love to win it. She makes me laugh.
I’d love to win this book for my sister!
so hilarious π would love to read her book
Amber writes her blog with no consideration for my child weakened bladder-and I love it! Pass the lemon syrup!
I would love to win a copy of the book!
Love Crappy Pictures. Fingers crossed.
Oh gosh! That story is hilarious!! Even better with Crappy Pictures! π
I would love to win this!
And, I am becoming my mother at the amusement park, too.
would love to win!
Hahahaha! Great story. I, too, belong on the ground.
Fabulous story! I can’t wait to see the look of unadulterated joy on my daughter’s face when she rides her first real ride. We let her ride the kiddie swings at the county fair last year, but they were pretty tame, even for her.
I completely understand. If Amber illustrated one of my posts, I would have it framed, made into christmas cards, put it on t-shirts for the whole family to wear for our next family picture, and seriously consider having it inscribed on my body in tattoo form!
Too funny! (:
Great story illustrated with great pictures!
As a mom of three boys, you have no idea how badly I need this book hahah
Love Amber’s blog and can’t wait to read the book!
I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this blog! I am now officially addicted.
Love her! I can’t look at her stuff without laughing!
AGAIN! I am laughing so hard I am crying. So funny. WHEW!
I love Amber’s blog (and yours too, of course).
I LOVE Amber and would love to win a copy of this sure-to-be-awesome book!
I would love a copy of the book!
I love this blog! One of my favorites are when the kids were yelling penis and the pizza delivery guy was at the door.
Crappy pictures and terrifying amusement park rides; it’s a perfect storm!
Amber did a great job. Who knew that you only had two hairs as well? Great story.
I belong on the ground too! Love Crappy Pictures too!
PICK ME!!!
She is so funny! I feel like she’s me, but funnier and cleverer.
I would love to win a Crappy Parenting book!
would love to share this book around my mums group how generous of you to support crappy parents book love her blog
I’m dying to get my hands on this book, I love her blog!
At our local mall, even the train ride was too much for my motion-sickness prone husband. It took him 30 minutes to recover!
She cracks me up!
Love Amber’s blog and would love to win her book!
I would LOVE to win her book!!!
I need this book! Love it
Nice to meet you all, I’m a ski jacket from 1992. Apparently I am the last mommy on earth to have heard of this blog, but am enjoying it now!
love it! love her and mommyshorts!
I love reading Amber’s Crappy posts so I cannot wait to get my hands on a copy of her Crappy book, lol! Pick me! Pick me!
I have loved Amber`s Crappy stories for a while now and would love to own a copy of her (non)crappy book! Pick me! Pick me! She`s awesome and always puts a smile on my face even after the worst days as a SAHM of 2!
sounds like my youngest! Hilarious!
I’d love a copy of her book!
Haha so awesome!!!
I would totally love the win the book!
I’m visiting from the Crappy Pictures blog and will definitely be back for more laughter. Thanks for doing the giveaway!
I came here from Amber’s blog. I would love to win the book but I’m happy I found you too! π
I have loved Crappy Pictures for a long time! Have just ended up here, via there and am enjoying looking around! π
I love her blog and would love to win a copy of the book!
Great story and great pics to go with it.
I feel like my baby will be like crappy baby and drive me nuts but I can’t wait! =) Looking forward to the book!
love the crappy pictures blog!
Love the Crappy Pictures Blog and would love a copy of the book.
Loved the ‘Happy Swing’ post too. I’ve belonged on the ground since the age of 16. Went on a swing type carnival ride with a boyfriend and have never gone on a ride since! You are not alone. π
I’d love to win a copy, and I’ll surely buy the book, too! Thanks for the giveaway!
I would love to win a copy of this book because itβs an excellent accompaniment to βdownersβ (aka wine lol) at the end of the day. It also helps moms not be so hard on themselves on those shoot-yourself-in-the-face types of days. Like today.
I love this blog! Would love the book π
Love this book! I would be elated to win a copy!
This is hilarious. And my name is Amber!
Everything I every thought and only sometimes said! Amber is my Crappy Shero.
Love this so much!!!! Can’t wait to see the book π
I love your post, too, and now shall read your blog as well. π
I love the book and that’s totally me in the story… except my kid would probably freak out as much as I do. We’re not ride people.
I’d love to win a copy of the book, it’s hilarious and I love reading your posts also! π Keep up the good work girls!!
Pick me pick me!
Would love to win a copy of Amber’s book love her blog!
Her pictures are actually not so crappy, spot on with the descriptions!!
I just laughed so hard re-reading this story — priceless!! Thanks for the opportunity to win a copy of the book!
I love her stuff and share them on facebook all the time!! Please pick me!!
I would love a copy of her book! she is brilliant!
Haha – fantastic story! And pictures, of course!
These stories are saving my sanity – I can certainly relate to each one, and my kids are older so I can even extend Amber’s sense of humor into her future π
Love the blog( s) can’t wait to read the book!
Amazing post. So true I need to stay on the ground as well!
Oh my God! I killed her! So something I would have said to myself π
I hope I don’t become a ground mother…regardless if my kids like rides or not.
But maybe it’s inevitable…I hope it’s not…
I’d love to win. So funny!
You two make a great team!
I would love to have the book!
Swings are pure evil. Stick with the roller coasters and you’ll be fine!
Excellent! Love to get a copy!!!
I love the stories; the book would be fantastic to read and share since I hear about all the laughs!
We three little birds love, love , LOVE this comic!!!
Haha! Seems like something that’d happen to me. Love this with Crappy Pictures π
Oh, please pick me , I want that book! π
What a great pairing! Would love to win a copy of Amber’s book!
Hilarious! I belong on the ground, too.
Also, pick me! Pick me! π
Such a hilarious, honest, accurate portrayal of a day in the life of a mommy! There’s nothing like this on reality tv! At least we have a reality book now! Would love to win this book, laugh my butt off reading it, and share it with all my mommy friends. π
Oh my gosh! I would LUUUUUUUUUUUUV this book!
So great! Had a very similar experience with my two year old on his birthday. Grandma and Grandpa talked me into the fairly itense kiddie coaster and I was absolutely sure we would be ejected from our car as he clung to me crying. But no, the only crying was when we had to get out.
I have been a crappy fan since I read the post about her and a friend at the mall with a potty chair for the potty training girl. It was so perfect for that time of my parenting years because I thoroughly related to the potty seat for public bathrooms.
Came here from crappy pictures. Nice ending. Kids are surprising.
I love it! Crappy pictures is like bacon… everything is better with Crappy Pictures! π
Please let me win a book!!! Thanks!
Something similar happened when I nearly tripped over a closed baby gate carrying my toddler I caught her before she completely fell backward out of my arms. “Again!”
Thanks for the giveaway!
That is fantastic! Hahaha! I am so that mom. I took my son on a massive roller coaster last summer. It was the only one he ever went on with me…sad. I love them! Now I have another blog to follow!
I love her and her hilarious stories!
LOVE IT! I’d be so happy to win a copy of her book!
Love!
As I always say, I’m locking my boys up in the attic (I don’t have), they’ll be safe there! LOL
Can’t stop laughing. How is it that motherhood ends up turning us into our mothers? Amber’s Crappy Pictures are always hilarious.