Have you heard about the new $3000 stroller? It's a collaboration between Silver Cross and Aston Martin (yes, the car that's driven by James Bond) and it's deemed "the most exclusive pram in the world". That sounds more like a club in Capri than a way to transport your baby from your house to the park and then back again, but I assure you, THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
I know what you're wondering— does the pram print money that will send my kid to college? No, no it does not. Does it fly? Nope. But it does have a sun shade and a winter footmuff!!!
If the sun shade doesn't impress you, how about a whole bunch of fancy materials like Alcantara leather and performance fabric? And— GET THIS GUYS!!! The chassis is finished in anodised aluminium and magnesium alloy!
Yeah, I have no idea what that means either.
Apparently, the best part of the Aston Martin stroller is only 800 people will have the privilege of buying one. You'll get a certificate of authenticity, kind of like the one you got with your first Cabbage Patch Kid. It will say, "Congratulations! You now own the douchiest baby in your neighborhood!"
But let's be real. Even though I could care less about an Aston Martin logo embroidered on the seat, there are plenty of things that would make a $3000 stroller worth it.
Here are 20 features I'd like to see before shelling over the big bucks:
1. A real live babysitter harnassed underneath to be called upon whenever needed
2. Handles convert into arms of diaper changing robot
3. Stroller seat has an automatic swaddling mechanism
4. It not only collapses at the push of a button, it has the power to disappear completely
5. Hidden fridge underneath the headrest, perfectly sized for box of wine
6. Converts into a little house where you can breastfeed in privacy
7. Inner speakers provide white noise perfect for lulling your baby to sleep
8. Dispenses frozen yogurt
9. Soundproof bubble completely encloses carriage at first sign of tantrum
10. Bubble doubles as quarantine when child gets ill
11. Touchpad on handle allows you to play Words with Friends while pushing your kid to preschool
12. It will have sex with your husband when you are not in the mood
13. Unlimited supply of diapers carried by minion who trails you at all times
14. Pediatrician lives in lower storage compartment
15. Drops rose petals from the front wheel so the soles of your feet never have to actually touch the ground
16. Bakes bread
17. Buys and wraps gifts for birthday parties
18. Acts as free pass to join celebrity mom group run by Beyonce and Mariah Carey
19. Gives you genuine-sounding compliments throughout the day like, "You're the best mother!" and "Wow! You've got one of those better-after-baby bodies!"
20. Comes with personal stroller pusher named Daniel Craig
What features would you like to see?
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I agree with all – except my personal stroller pusher would be Hugh Jackman.
Okay, I laughed out loud at #12. That alone might be worth the $3,000 price tag. I also loved 6, 14, and of course, 20 (duh).
So. Awesome.
I just want #20 no stroller needed!
How long before we see that Kayne & Kim K have purchased one?
I would also prefer Hugh Jackman, or perhaps Ryan Reynolds.
Puh-lease, she’s waiting for the Hermes one ;).
I’d like a stroller that also gets my OTHER kid ready in the morning.
Rich people don’t have to buy these, they get them free.
I honestly feel like white noise in a stroller/car seat is a genius idea. You should get a patent!
Okay, if anything would drop rose petals so my feet never touched the ground AND gave me compliments.. I would probably pay more than $3,000. I would also like a built in fat burner, some kind of soothing nail trimmer (since my son is fucking terrified of those things), a personal chef, and a massuse. Is that too much to ask for?
#6 and #7 are definites. I would also expect a barista service for all my sleep deprived hot beverage requirements and since they now make shoes that work your legs and butt then for $3k I would expect my stroller to do the same while I’m walking about to give me more footwear options (since if I have $3k for a stroller I am pretty sure I have plenty of shoes to choose from). Though I guess considering #20 it would be Mr Craig getting the workout. Which still works for me.
The stroller would need a remote control for me. Think of the fun you could have with THAT! Hehehe!
Oh and an espresso machine or a flask hidden in the handle bar.
Oh no! The ultimate stroller would be one that turns into a jazzy scooter. Oh dear! How easy would that be?
Well, if it is to be a James Bond stroller, it really should be gold, shouldn’t it?
It should also come with a charged cattle prod that activates when anyone tries to A) come to close to the baby when the baby is trying to sleep. B)anyone under the age of 10 who has suspicious looking goop coming out of any orifice and tries to touch the baby. or C) anyone bearing unsolicited advice.
Soundproof bubble also needs to shut out outside noise when baby is asleep.
It should rock by itself when not being pushed.
It should dispense hot coffee. And it should come out in a china cup, with that milk foam leaf pattern on top.
Secret compartments to contain extra outfits.
A pacifier sterilizer/homing device.
An ejector launcher to unobtrusively throw dirty diapers into the nearest bin, or at the nearest annoying mother (on her cell phone, not paying attention to the fact that her kid is terrorizing the entire park) at the playground, whichever is the most necessary at the time.
wishes:
1) Converts to a treadmill that I can use in my apartment when baby is sleeping in his crib.
2) Built in sterilizer for cleaning bottles & binkies on the go (for first-time moms ONLY)
3) Robot arms to massage my neck & shoulders while I’m pushing stroller
I’d like one to melt fat and erase stretch marks with each use!
Fab list – I would definitely pay for #20!
I would absolutely love for you to link up at the Friday Baby Shower a linky party for all things pregnancy and new baby, Alice @ Mums Make Lists
http://mumsmakelists.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/the-friday-baby-shower-3.html
If you’re going to pay $3K, might as well go even bigger… http://www.kidkustoms.com/theRoddler.html
Hilarious! Oh if they only made something like the 3000 stroller to “control” 13 year old twins!
OMG, I saw a woman pushing one of these at the Whole Foods in a chi chi suburb yesterday! It doesn’t even look practical. I mean, not only does it not come with #1-20 above, but where the heck do you store purchases from Tiffany?
Yes, please! I would happily follow behind to watch. 😉
That’s insane. I’m glad I spent the extra money to get a fairly expensive stroller (Uppa Baby Vista), but that is simply ridiculous. There is a definitely a line between paying for quality and paying for showing yourself to be an idiot.
the sick part is that I think I saw someone with this stroller when I was in Disney World. It was sick.
Its very good see this. But I think umbrella shed is too small. Is it well protected from sun & rain?
Any recommendation for baby crib?