Last Friday, I had a rare lunch with my sister (aka Dr. B). I think it was our first one-on-one time since Mazzy was born.
Of course, the conversation steered it's way toward my daughter regardless of her absence. Particularly, since last week, I was at my wit's end over Mazzy's most recent behavior.
As I poured my heart out about our issues, it struck me how similar this conversation was to a conversation I would have had in my early twenties. You know, the conversation where you rattle off a litany of offenses made by your current boyfriend, and then the friend you have chosen to confide in has to decide whether to advocate giving the poor guy a chance or breaking up with the asshole?
My chief compliants about Mazzy, all of which reached epic proportions last week:
1) She doesn't respect me.
2) She thinks the world revolves around her.
3) She makes demands instead of asking nicely.
4) She does the same things over and over again even when she knows I don't like them.
5) She doesn't clean up after herself.
6) All she wants to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. Plus, she only wants to watch HER shows.
7) She sends mixed messages.
8) She expects me to wait on her hand and foot.
9) She doesn't return my affection as often as I would like.
10) She can be a total embarassment in public.
All of which would totally be grounds for dumping a guy on his ass.
My sister tried to explain that Mazzy is currently going through something called "the egocentric phase" of development and this is all totally normal. She also said that her elevated hostility was probably a response to two big changes we had recently implemented— stricter limits on TV time and cutting back on her milk intake. Apparently, when you attempt to modify your child's behavior, things almost always get worse before they better. In child psychology terms, it's known as "the extinction burst".
That all sounded fine but I was barely listening. I was too busy looking longingly over at some other woman's toddler at the next table.
"Look at that kid over there. Sitting still. Eating his lunch. Smiling at his mom. Don't I deserve a toddler like that??"
My sister did not give me the satisfaction of recommending a break-up. So, I went home to my daughter, to see what I could salvage of our relationship.
As soon as I walked in the door, Mazzy greeted me with a huge hug and kiss. But I was not fooled. I knew the drill— this is how they get you to stay for more abuse.
I decided to see how the weekend went before I made a decision I would regret.
Mazzy must have known something was up because she turned on the charm, acted like the perfect child and went along with everything I had planned.
Saturday morning, we went to the park and then split pancakes at our favorite coffeeshop. That afternoon, we went to the Farmer's Market, sampled the fresh produce and drank mint iced tea. At dinnertime, we went out for Italian and got gelato afterwards. Mazzy even traded me some of her chocolate for my hazelnut. We held hands everywhere we went, we engaged in actual conversations, we laughed at eachother's jokes— it was the kind of weekend that makes you remember why you fell in love with your kid to begin with.
According to my sister, this was all an indication that "the extinction burst" is over but I'm not entirely convinced. Either way, Mazzy and I are not breaking up. We're in it for the long haul.
Unless she starts acting like a two-year-old again.
Then I'm outta here.
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The "Summer Fan Photo Album" will be posted this Friday. If you'd like to be included, please post a beach or pool picture of your kid with their first name on the Mommy Shorts Facebook Fanpage. What's a fan photo album? Here's the one I did for Valentine's Day.
You know we’re just total suckers, right?
You are hilarious! Downside? No make up sex. Upside? No nagging for sex! LOL! Toddlers try to break us, but don’t take it to heart … they are just preparing us for the teen years when we get all your litany of issues PLUS raging hormones! Wanna split on a secret cabin in the middle of nowhere with me? 😉
Very funny. Clever piece. I knew your daughter was young, but I couldn’t tell her age. I thought she was around 4 so that 2nd to last line is great.
Ahh, yes, 2 sucks. And 3. Many times I have wanted to break up with my kids. My list of complaints are exactly the same. But like you I fall prey to their charm every time & stay, continuing to take the abuse. It’s not easy this parenting, thing, but it does get better as they age. I have to say, I didn’t know if I would ever like being a mother, but this year it finally happened.
My hyperlink is wrong in my last comment. This one should be correct.
This is brilliant. And made me realize I’m totally in an abusive relationship. Mango “bops” me on the butt all the time and then picks me flowers. She also doesn’t want me to have any other relationships, trying to get me to distance myself from my friends.
It DOES NOT STOP with toddler. My daughter is 8. Yes 8 and we are currently going through this. It gets worse. I’m so so sorry that I had to be the one to tell you. 🙁 Please don’t hate me. lol
Yeah. My son is 15 and I still kind of want to break up with him sometimes.
I used to think he was occasionally an asshole (also often an asshole) because I never painted a wall with chalkboard paint.
But now I’m thinking I just need to split some pancakes with him…
(At least I’ll get half a plate of pancakes out of the experiment.)
Man, you take that kiddo lots of places. Brave lady, you! I love the term extinction burst and will use it to explain why my 7 month old has regressed back to nursing every two hours in the night since we’ve started solid food.
Yup. My husband took a picture of Lil’ Bit and me at the park last weekend. In it, I’m carrying her and kissing her face while her attention is clearly somewhere else.
Pretty much sums up every single relationship I had in my 20’s.
yep, you pretty much described my relationship with my 6yo daughter. Same list of complaints and she’s 6. Did I mention that she’s 6? Demanding, stubborn, oh and she is never wrong (where in the world she got that, I have no idea…). And then there’s the 2yo boy that only has to bat those eyelashes, put his little arms around me, patting my shoulders as he says, “baby, baaaabyyy.” and I’m putty, a doormat, just there waiting for the abuse again. and then the girl runs up to me, grabs my face and gives me smacker right on the lips. oooooooo, i love you too snookums. would you like a pony??
LOL OMG I’m so glad I found you thru Twitter! Love your “say it like it is” writing! My daughter is 2 1/2 but she honestly IS an angel like the one you look longingly at…my oldest girl is almost 6. She’s the one I feel like breaking up with nearly every day! 🙂 I vented the other day when my doctor asked how the girls were. I’m soooo glad school is starting again soon! Good luck with your little angel and I look forward to hearing more! Carrie
Your top ten list is seriously the funniest thing I have read in a long while!I feel like that daily except my girls are almot 4…booooo
The comparisons are uncanny.
Toooooooo funnay!
LOVE this! It really does sound like an abusive relationship doesn’t it? Darn those terrible 2’s and terrifying 3’s…
Be honest…you’re staying with her because she’s good looking, aren’t you?
Oh, sorry you were so down and were jealous of another toddler. Of course you deserve that! And I bet that other mom went through her own tantrum phase. Like you write in a later post, kids just keep changing and go through phases. Glad you had a great weekend and hope it continued!
Very interesting and honest post!
I usually hear moms making a god of their kids telling everybody how perfect they are:)
Abusive relationship indeed lol but you are certainly a happy parent according to the pictures you posted:)
The girl is adorable and for sure will become a manizer when she grows up:)
yes, the egocentric phase – it is believed to be the age of 3. When a child realizes he / she is a separate person and tries to prove it to you and herself. I used to be a teacher and we called it an “I” age.
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Thank you so much for this post. I have thought of it daily since reading it as I fairly continuously fantasize about breaking up with my 2 year old. I can’t tell you how much this post helped me to know that I am not alone in my struggles and put into words the stress, sadness and just altogether overwhelmed feelings I’ve been feeling. And, like your Mazzy, just when I’ve had enough, my sweet, loving and funny child makes an appearance. I just wish she’d stay for a bit longer. 🙂
Just wanted to say your daughter is BEAUTIFUL! absolutely precious.