Screen shot 2012-03-08 at 10.09.28 PMWell, not really. But close!

Two weeks ago, I auditioned for the NYC performance of Listen to Your Mother, "a national series of live readings by local writers in celebration of Mother's Day". (Do you like that last part? I lifted it directly from their website.)

I watched their open-mic night at BlogHer last summer and it was truly inspiring. 

This week, I found out— I'm in! You can see the announcement of the full NYC cast here.

It may not be Broadway, or even Off-Broadway, but I feel ridiculously honored to have been chosen, especially since I will be reading my own writing.

Additionally, I could not be more excited (or nervous) about my return to the stage. Previous performances include THE FIVE OF DIAMONDS in my third grade production of Alice in Wonderland and TOWNSPERSON in my high school production of Our Town.

I'm not gonna lie— I've had a few larger parts in my theater career (like CREON in a comically ambitious camp prouduction of Antigone) but I gave it up in college due to a severe case of stage fright.

Let's hope I've gotten over that by now.

My piece is somewhere on my blog but I'm not sure if I am allowed to reveal it, so I'll just keep you all in suspense.

Also, if you'd like to purchase tickets, they are not yet available. (I'm so helpful!)

But if you are in the area, are free May 6th, and have always dreamed of seeing me fight the urge to pee in my pants onstage, keep your calendar open! I will definitely let you all know once tickets are for sale.

What else happened these last few weeks besides my own mother telling me she will be out of town during my stage debut?

• Mazzy had her first kiss

• Elmo acted inappropriately

• Ryan Gosling bought me diapers

• French kids stuffed their faces

• Mazzy failed at Skype but not before she failed at skiing 

• Dr. Seuss rolled over in his grave

• I singlehandedly rid the world of teen pregnancy

• I celebrated National Women's Day by creating Snooki inspired maternity wear

• Dr. B schooled us in the fine art of COMPLIANCE

• Susan rubbed her desire to have sex with her husband in our faces

• Amanda told us THE WORST PERIOD STORY EVER

• Kissing babies told us to turn off the lights on our way out 

• I showcased bizarro potty training chairs on Babble

And most importantly,

• I made the seventh, yes THE SEVENTH, episode of The Mommy Shorts Show. I'm talking about French parenting, Mini-Me's Mini-Me and Mazzy's Ode to Make-Up. If you'd like to subscribe to my show (and solidify our BFF status), you can do so here.

I'm also currently giving away a $500 Oreck Air Purifier. To enter, all you have to do is click on this link and write an "air purifying sexual innuendo". Example:

"Hold up, this thing captures hair, gases, and odors? I should have one installed IN MY PANTS." – The Bearded Iris

On that note, I'll wrap this up.

Monday I'll be announcing a really exciting new brand partnership. So stay tuned and have a good weekend!

— Mommy Shorts