February 14th is fast approaching and some of you might be trying to come up with original Valentine's Day ideas. I say— don't bother. Flowers are your best and easiest option for showing someone you care.
So easy, you could even have flowers delivered to more than just your special someone. And those accompanying cards? Don't just use them for messages of love. They are the perfect place for pent-up anger and passive aggression.
Okay, your turn. Any passive aggressive flowers that you'd like to send? Please write your card below.
Dear Husband,
Thank you for going to the grocery store and buying the generic brand of Ketchup instead of Heinz as I mentioned on the list.
Saving us the $.03 was so worth what we’ve had to give-up in taste. You are such a smart man.
Love, Tracy
Dear Walker of a Large Dog,
Thank you for cleaning up after your charge. I especially appreciate that you dropped the bag with the enormous output of excrement into my clean recycling bin. It was especially charming when I found the exploded bag and its contents under the wine bottles I had recycled.
Please leave your address so I can give you something my daughter has made especially for you.
With a Schmear,
Kristin
Dear People Who Tell Me They Want To Have Twins Too,
Please come over and experience this for yourself.
Sincerely yours,
Crazy Lady
Dear husband,
Thank you so much for helping out yesterday. I guess the fact that I was crying piteously from exhaustion must have somehow penetrated your skull. Kisses. Your wife.
Dear neighbor, Gee, thanks for offering me the “friend” rate of $350 for 12 weeks of art lessons for my daughter. Here’s an idea. If you need money, GET.A.JOB.
Dear mom, Just because I don’t do things they way you did them doesn’t make them wrong.
Dear wine, I love you.
When I was pregnant with my first, I told a secretary at my school that I wish I were having twins to “get it all done at once.” She looked at me like I was crazy and said something to the effect of, “Sure honey. Whatever you say.”
Props to parents of multiples, baby!
Dear Fabulous and Loving Caregiver to my Baby Girl,
Thank you for hugging and kissing my daughter in front of me and telling me how you will how you will snuggle and love on her all day while I’m at work. Makes me feel all warm and snuggly inside knowing that my only child is cuddling with you instead of me. Don’t worry I didn’t cry on the way to work today.
Love,
Buggy’s mom
This is FOR REAL a serious and punishable crime in our house. Generic ketchup is so nasty!
Before I got pregnant, we were hiking and we passed a family with 8-10 year old twins. My husband looked at me and said “awwww, twins could be great, don’t you think?” I gave him a terrified look and promised to never let him forget he said that. (And no, I haven’t). I constantly remind parents of multiples how awesome they are because they probably need to hear it more than anyone!
Dear hubby,
If when I went to bed last night, you had no clean underwear or work pants, informing me about it in the morning doesn’t make me a magic washing machine.
Ps: I know you know where the washing machine is AND on several occasions I have shown you how to use it.
Dear Husband,
Remember when I had the stomach bug with all three kids, and you still went to work, leaving me and my aching pores to wade through waves of puke and diarreah? And then remember when you spent the next day in bed because we had gotten you sick, only, you had the OPPOSITE of what we had and were simply CONSTIPATED? Next time, I will send you to drink prune juice at your parents house when the kids and I are sick so you can get the proper care you need. Love, your better half.
One of Becca’s teachers (ironically named “Heather”) taught my daughter that when someone says “Who loves you?” To say “Ms. Heather!”. At least she isn’t saying Elmo, right? they take amazing care if her, it makes me smile and feel good about my decision to work part time.
We love our sitter too and I know she’s trying to be nice but today it broke my heart. Mom guilt right?
Totally need to send this one!!!! And one to the MANY STRANGERS who ask if my identical twin boys are in fact twins.
Dear Neighborhood Cat Owners,
Thank you for not letting your cats in your house and letting them roam the ‘hood instead. I thinks it’s so great when they come over to my front lawn and do their “business” on my grass. My two chiuauas love it too, and I think it’s music to my ears listening to them whine and bark at your cats! Oh, and I especially love when your cats pee/spray my front door! That smell is just awesome, and you must know I enjoy cleaning that up!
Sincerely,
Not A Cat Person!
Hilarious cards! Here’s one I’ll send:
Dear baby teeth,
Thanks for tearing through the soft flesh of my beautiful, normally-sleeps-thru-the-night boy. It’s so great to wake up at 1am, 2am, 3am, and 4am to attend to his gut-wrenching cries. Oh, and there are so many of you! Thanks for coming for days at a time, then leaving for a while, and then returning unannounced.
Regards, Sleepy and cranky
That’s so funny, Laura, as I always get the question “are your twins identical?” to which I reply “not unless one has a penis I am not aware of!” (hello, they are a BOY and a GIRL…exactly how the heck could they be identical???)
Dear Son,
I’m so happy to be your Momma, and I love how you seem to love me back. I especially love your gooey spitty kisses. I’m so proud that you’ve learned to share everything, especially your colds. Nothing brings me more joy than not being able to breathe while watching you share your snot with my shirt.
Love (cough) always (sneeze),
Momma
Dear Mom,
Thanks for getting me that white blazer-style sweatshirt for Christmas when I asked for a fleece. You’re right, it is kind of ‘fleece’ like, and it’s no problem that I can’t return or exchange it. And that reminds me how much better you know what looks good on me than I do, like the time I asked for a white maternity button down for work and you got me black because it was ‘more interesting’. Or when you got me the melon colored cashmere wrap from the sample sale instead of charcoal, which I probably would’ve worn every day, because I have so much gray.
I do love you!
xoxo
Dear Babysitter, Thanks for leaving me with a kitchen full of dirty dishes and a toy strew living room. It really makes date night that much more special.
Love, Me
Dear Mom,
Thanks for giving me those home bowl cuts all through elementary school. I think it really improved my social standing amongst my peers.
Love, Me
Dear Mom,
After that last tantrum you had at my house where you slammed the door so hard that you knocked things off my walls, I e-mailed the Dr. Phil show. I have a phone interview tomorrow with one of the producers.
Hope you aren’t mad!
xxoo,
Lilli
(I actually have been struggling all morning with how I’m going to tell her if we end up going on the show. I just don’t think flowers will cut it, though. She’ll throw another tantrum.)
Oh my God, I have this same problem in my neighborhood. We literally have over 50 stray cats because they keep breeding and then the owners won’t do anything about it. I’ve called animal control but they keep telling me I have to trap the cats before they’ll take them away. You know, if a dog owner tried to pull that crap they would get fined and maybe even sued. Why do cat people think they’re so special?
Borrowing this baby.
Dear kids,
Just because I love you doesn’t mean I like you.
Huggles, Mom
Dude.
Nutella isn’t a sensible breakfast?
Oh crap.
Dear Sweet Husband,
Thank you for keeping the kids up past 10 p.m. every night so that “they” can finish up a cartoon series. It really makes my heart swell to see you all spending “quality time” together staring at violent superhero characters and females in too-small clothes. The best part is that I get to deal with whiny, crying, complaining children who do NOT want to do homework every.single.afternoon. Why, yes, your idea to buy an alarm clock is excellent! I’m sure it will be much more effective than yours truly reminding you all every 15 minutes how close it is until bedtime!
With love and murd–er–kisses,
Your Wife
I’ve long since given up on Becca actually telling me she loves me unprompted (at this age). I don’t generally get much affection when I’m home with her. I know she loves me, but it makes my heart melt when I see how happy she is at school with her incredibly loving teachers and her friends. It helps counter the mommy guilt when people go off on the selfishness and cruelty of having your child in day care. I work part time, by choice, and I think it is working for all of us, including Becca 🙂 I think I’m a much better mom when I’m not going stir crazy in the house 24/7!
I say that all the time! Sometimes I get dirty looks, but I think they know I’m right…:-)
Dear Husband,
Thank you so much for reminding me to lock the car when I’m driving after we exit the vehicle. I’m sure since I drive a car all day every day for my job that I must not remember to do that every single time I leave a car. I bet you should call me at work to remind me too.
Thanks again!
Hugs and kisses,
Me
I have to do one for my daughter since this just happened on Saturday and she was peeeeeeved.
Dear Dad,
Thank you for reminding me to feed my 13 year old son breakfast before he went off to his all day track meet. I might have forgotten to do that since I’ve only been a mom for 13 1/2 years.
Love ya,
Your grateful Daughter
Dear Hubs,
I love that you do your own laundry. Really, I do. I am indeed a very lucky woman.
And it brings a tear to my eye when, after giving you the entire house to yourself on Saturday to catch up on work while I, in turn, found new and creative ways to entertain our 2YO in the dead of winter, on Sunday you then whined, “When do I get to do MY laundry?” as I dumped my own mountain of dirty clothes in the wash.
Truly, I have tears.
Yours in exasperation,
Kristin
Dear stay-at-home mom of preschooler,
Thanks so much for the text I received while I was working, letting me know that my son was crying because I wasn’t there to pick him up from preschool and that he misses me. I especially liked the sad little emoticon you put at the end for extra emphasis about what a horrible person I am!
Lady goo goo gaga
http://lgoogoogaga.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/work-the-guilty-pleasure/
Was the hat person elderly? Because the elderly REALLY have a thing about kids in hats. Were there no hats in the Depression or something?
Dear iPad,
Thank you for the countless hours of joy you bring to my son. Also, thank you for putting YouTube on it. Who knew a 2-year old could be so competent in finding videos on their own?
Indebted to you forever,
Alison
Random Stranger card …can’t stop laughing … anyway –
Dear University Me: Thank you for finding a man that can be turned on by anything and everything, even a make up free face, unwashed hair, post-breastfeeding boobs not in a bra, granny panties and flannels. Love, Apparently My Signals That I Am Craving Some Alone Time Aren’t Obvious Enough Me.
Ha ha to you and Diane below! Mine are frats and don’t even look related. I get the ‘Are they identical?’ comment and look at them like- really? Do they look identical to you??
xo! thanks.
Thank you! I hope that 8-10 will be easier??? Not sure. Def. more expensive!
We have a winner!
Seems like someone must do a guest post on this- ten reasons wishing for twins is flat out crazy?
Gotta love a friend discount! Were these private lessons or something? I have to remember that one for when I am out of work. Still life sketching at my place- $50 a kid per class! Oh! Are you a FRIEND? $45.
Mazzy won’t sit still long enough to cuddle with ANYONE so I am good.
Wait. I’m confused. You’re NOT a magic washing machine??
Dear neglectful parents of violent adolescents on the playground,
Thank you for encouraging your exceptionally large 10 year old boys to play unsupervised on the toddler playground. Pushing my 1 year old daughter on the swing is so much more exciting when dodging 90 mile-per-hour soccer balls aimed at her head.
Sincerely,
Go Join a YMCA
Dear Father,
I am so happy to have the opportunity to work and live with you for the past year! I completely apologize for yelling and being nasty when you do the same aggravating offenses over and over again. Especially when it comes to your behavior around my little 3 yr old bundle of joy. I sometimes miss you during the only 8 hours away from you during my sleep. It’s been the time of my life and I just wish that I DIDN’T have to get another job or move out as soon as I can.
Love, Your sweet angelic daughter
Dear Lady in Target,
I just wanted to thank you for your genuine concern about the placement of my handbag in my shopping cart. I apologize for having to ask you to repeat yourself as my three toddlers were screaming and pulling me in different directions as they begged for the newest Dollar Spot items.
Next time I will try to be more mindful of where I place my bag full of lollipops, used tissues, and maxed-out credit cards. Thank you so much for taking the time to voice your concerns. It was most appreciated.
Gratefully,
Lucy
Awesome!! very sweet post. Baby is looking so sweet. I want to see him in reality. Very sweet letters posting to his mother.