I’m going to end the week leading up to Christmas the only way I know how— with inappropriate elves and kids who hate Santa. (For example, that’s Declan up top with a Santa hatred strong enough to burn a hole in the sun.)
Check out “the Most Inappropriate of Inappropriate Elves” to see Elves on the Shelf doing lines of cocoa, pissing on your gingerbread house and flashing the LEGO family. Every year at this time that post goes bonkers. If you are Jewish (Happy HanukKah!), here is my Hanukkah Helper who is also up to no good.
Now on to 23 tortured kids sitting on the laps of elderly strangers in the mall.
The “I HATE SANTA” Fan Photo Album
First up, it made sense to have KENDALL & LEYNA of Baby Rabies/Inappropriate Elf fame:
CARSON:
CASHMARIE:
AVERY:
BRIAN:
ZOE:
GEORGE:
KATELYN:
KEITH:
PJ & ANALEIGH:
XANDER:
VIVIAN:
ANNALEAH:
McCLAIN:
MOO:
RYAN & MICHAEL:
SAVANNA:
AUBREY:
LANA:
MICHAEL (special shout-out to Eugene Levy as Santa):
TWINS SOPHIE & BEN, EMMA (at the bottom):
I’m gonna end with a photo of a kid who isn’t crying. Witness 8 month-old MATTY entering into the other time-tested tradition of pulling on Santa’s beard.
If you want to know when I am looking for pictures for fan photo albums, join the Mommy Shorts Facebook Fanpage.
Have a wonderful holiday (whatever it is you are celebrating) and I hope your eggnog is heavy on the alcohol— it helps the kids sleep better that way!
Merrry Chrismukkah,
— Mommy Shorts
What is it about Santa that kids hate?
Fantastic collection! My daughter said that Santa is saying, “Hohoho! Don’t pull my beard!” and she followed up with “My finger’s stuck.” She’s very literal.
Enjoy the holidays!
The Mommy Shorts Show leaves me wanting more! Mazzy is already writing her own lyrics – what a talent. Time to enroll her in a creative writing class.
I’m guessing “Ho ho ….owww….”
Cashmarie. Love.
Here I am in the jolly ol’ gyno’s office, nervously anticipating having my lady parts invaded, and reading this just calmed me down!! Thanks!
Linear thinking is the key to successful advertising. Tell her to call me in twenty years.
Creepy old men with unkempt hair in used smelly padded suits? I HAVE NO IDEA!
Ladies and gentlemen, my MOTHER. (Thanks, mom.)
I can’t even take credit for the caption. Cashmarie’s mother wrote it herself.
What lovely imagery just in time for the holidays!
I would like to add that Santa had his right hand on Xander’s BARE stomach as well, because his shirt had ridden up when we put him there. I don’t think that made it into the pictures though.
I literally laughed out loud at your caption for Vivian. Just for the record, however, this year went infinitely better – after jumping up and down in excitement whole screaming, “SANTA CLAUS!” she actually ran across the stage and leaped into his arms. I think it’s safe to say they’re now buds.
I don’t know how you thought of all those captions, they were hilarious!! Love the twins and Emma best 🙂
I have a picture of me crying with Santa, I’m about two, but I don’t know, and don’t remember, why I’m crying….
Picture’s still hilarious.
All those Santas are creepy as fuck.
We didn’t even make it to the head of the line this year. My daughter threw a huge tantrum that lasted all the way from the Santa line to halfway home, and we were parked opposite the store Santa was in front of.
Merrry Chrismukkah to you too!!!!