Picture 17 Is anybody else watching Pregnant in Heels? The show about Rosie Pope (a “maternity concierge”) and her agenda to make Manhattan women look horribly unprepared for motherhood? I started watching it for Mommy Shorts research purposes only. SWEAR.

After about eight episodes, I think I finally have it down:

Rosie enters the home of some fancy schmancy momma-to-be, gives the woman a “Mommy IQ Quiz” in which she produces pre-pooped on diapers and then acts shocked when the woman reacts with disgust. Rosie then discovers (horror of horrors) the woman has yet to babyproof her home or set up her nursery. At this point, they cut-away to an interview where Rosie rolls her eyes incessantly and declares the pregnant woman completely incompetent. Psychologists are summoned, baby stores are visited and in the end the woman is able to deliver her child into a perfectly decorated nursery that has all the necessary clothing and supplies for a child up until the age of five.

Oh— and presumably the sockets are spackled over so that they are no longer usable for even the adults.

I think the point of the show is for us all to find these pregnant women ridiculous. And I do. The requests of her supposed clients— baby naming focus groups, nanny selections with Apprentice-style boardroom firings, etc.— are most certainly ridiculous.

But you know what is MORE RIDICULOUS?

Fucking Rosie Pope.

I like Rosie. Sort of. She’s somewhat charming. I like LC. I think he would beat Mr. Jay in a walk-off. But their whole freak-the-crap-out-of-the-parents before they have a child is starting to drive me mad.

This past week I almost had a panic attack watching a soon-to-be stay-at-home Dad try to take care of an infant (a stranger’s child supplied by Rosie) while he prepared for a BBQ at his home later that evening. I have my own child and even I got stressed out watching this guy genuinely crumble. I can only imagine what I would have been thinking if I had still been pregnant. (Editor’s Note: You mean to tell me, you’re the kind of person who would hire a maternity concierge and you are not going to hire yourself a nanny? BULLSHIT. Unless this Mariah Carey nonsense is catching.)

Here’s the thing: I’m Jewish.

Jews are very supersitious when it comes to having a child. We don’t have baby showers. We believe that preparing for a baby to enter the world by buying clothes and decorating a nursery is bad luck. Also— I had my fair share of pregnancy nightmares so I didn’t believe the baby was coming until the baby was actually here.

When Mazzy was born, I had not one baby item in my apartment. Not even a pack of onesies or a pile of diapers. My mom delivered the bare essentials while I was in the hospital. I decorated the nursery by shopping online while I was on maternity leave. We babyproofed when Mazzy started moving after about five months. And you know what? I was just fine.

NEWS FLASH: Babies don’t come out of the womb sticking forks into sockets. You can take this motherhood thing one step at a time.

I’m not saying that it’s easy. I’m just saying we all figure it out as we go. Nothing can really prepare you for having a child except having a child. Not classes. Not books. Not encasing your entire house in bubble wrap while you are still six months pregnant.

And certainly not Rosie Pope.


PRE-ORDER MY BOOK ONLINE BY CLICKING ONE OF THE RETAILERS BELOW: